Girl in Gold Boots

Joy Division's Ian Curtis would often cause chaos at his concerts, because his dancing style closely resembled an epileptic seizure: bystanders would call 911 just to be on the safe side. I've never known how Curtis developed such a bizarre style, but I'm fairly certain he owned a copy of "Girl In Gold Boots". I also can't fathom why a woman that a) clearly can't dance, b) clearly can't act and c) isn't married to someone powerful would get cast as the lead of a musical, but one thing's for certain: this is about a dozen times as entertaining as a competent musical. The movie was produced and directed by prolific Z-grade horror/sci-fi legend Ted V. Mikels, who seems out of his comfort zone when he can't use zombies, evil witches or crazed serial killers who feed victims to cats. The movie doesn't have any plot, it just drags itself from one strange dance scene to another. But that's fine by me. Seeing our lead and her marginally less untalented co-star dance like they're on stilts never stops being entertaining. If anything, this movie should have more awkward dancing rather than less. Very palatable, for all the wrong reasons of course.

Before there was "Showgirls" there was "Girl in Gold Boots". This film is even worse and worse made. You know, I really think the director took himself seriously when he made this movie. Sad, is it not? But I think he didn't realize that he had a budget to stick to when making this movie.

The plot? Michele is a wanna be dancer (who really can't dance, but we're lead to believe she's the best) but is unfortunately kept with her alcoholic father in the popular restaurant "Eat". But when a Kasey Kasim wanna be walks in with promises to make her a professional dancer with the help from his sister who is the "main attraction" in L.A., she leaves within the blink of an eye. On their way they pick up a hitchhiker, Critter. Of course there will be tension since everyone loves Michele's looks.

When they finally arrive in L.A., and there is Christmas decorations all around Hollywood, where's a better place to go than a haunted house? But it's just a hidden dance joint where the dancers look like they're more having seizures and clucking like a chicken then dancing. Michele, Buz, and Critter get involved deeper than they would want in the business with a slick greasy pusher who owns the joint. When Buz's sister, Joanie, is obviously in bad shape from drugs and possibly overdosing on the fake eyelashes, she confesses that she once had a "pretty mind" and tells Michele to get out before Leo, the pusher, takes her down too. But can Critter and Michele make it alive when they already know too much about a plot and a murder that doesn't make much sense?

Oh, man. You have no idea how poorly made this film was made, I mean we're talking just God-awful acting, poor sound, bad editing, atroshish writing, and a horrific picture. I just loved how in one scene, it's just Critter and Michele are sitting ALONE at a table, but in the blink of an eye Buz is in the picture. I loved MSTK3's commentary "I'm back! Come on! I just teleported here! It's impressive!". Watch the MSTK3 episode, that's the only way you'll enjoy the film.

1/10 for the film 10/10 for MSTK3's version

When it comes to bad movies,this movie is bad. Not quite 'Hobgoblins' or 'Space Mutiny' bad, but bad enough. As for boring, this ranks up there with 'Blood Waters of Dr. Z.' and if you're an MST3K fan like me, you know how bad that is.

Now on to the movie. Well, if you mix together a bad plot, an overplayed dance number, lame acting, a cheesy script, drugs, and greasy non-threatening villains, you've pretty much have this movie. Oh my, and the sorry excuse for an editing job! This is the most poorly edited movie I've ever seen, next to 'Future War', another great MST3K episode. In one scene the mousy villain appears out of nowhere next to the 'heroes'. It's THAT BAD!

Movies are supposed to entertain and tell a coherent story line. This one fails horribly at both. Watch it only on MST3K! Anyone who enjoys it any other way is SICK!!!!!

Girl in Gold Boots (1968)

** (out of 4)

Michele (Leslie McRay) is living in a small town working at a dead cafe for her drunk father. One day Buz (Tom Pace) stops in and offers her a chance for Hollywood. Michele has always wanted to be a go-go dancer so she goes along and the two head out for brighter days but end up in trouble with some crime boys.

Ted V. Mikels' GIRL IN GOLD BOOTS, for some reason, has a very bad reputation and I'm going to guess it's because it appeared on Mystery Science Theater 3000. It seems if you were on that show you were automatically labeled as being awful. Having seen most of the director's work I can honestly say that this here is actually a fairly well-made picture compared to most of them.

Mikels made a career out of making ultra low-budget movies and some of them managed to gain some acclaim just for their camp value. This film here really isn't all that campy and for the most part I would argue that it's at least well-made and especially when you consider the budget. The film at least looks professional and a far cry from some of the movies that Mikels would direct in the 70s and 80s.

With that said, there's still no question that there's not too much entertainment here. The story is a pretty familiar one as a couple good people go looking for riches and end up in trouble. The performances range from decent to poor but with the lack of any real exploitation the film is just a tad bit too dull for its own good.

I absolutely love this movie, I don't know why. It's terrible in all of its parts. I've seen epileptics who have better dance moves than the title character and the girl Michelle. The songs are mediocre at best, the continuity and editing are both terrible, almost everybody in the film is oily looking and/or ugly, and there is no plot to speak of whatsoever. That said, for some reason despite these things(or maybe because of them), this movie is hilarious. The MST3K version is a delight, although something tells me that I'd still laugh a lot just watching it uncut. Michelle is not only the most untalented dancer that I've ever seen, she is dumber than a bag of hammers. 'Critter' is blandly good looking and not very talented at his chosen craft either. Buzz is a horrible little greaseball, and yet Michelle shacks up with him because he promises her that he can help her become a dancer with the aid of his drugged out sister(who also is a completely untalented dancer). But then, considering her disgusting drunker father, who she was still living and working with even though she had to be in her mid-twenties at least - Michelle does not have good taste in men or the brains to know when its a bad idea to shack up with a guy who carries a gun and pistol whips people with it at the drop of a hat. They all get mixed up with an oily drug dealer, and Buzz ends up killing a guy over heroin. He just gets better and better! The immensely lame 'plot' sort of trails off, as Critter goes off to fight in Vietnam after pummeling Buzz and Leo half to death. This after many, many horrible scenes of Michelle and/or Buzz's sister dancing. Stupid, completely stupid. But somehow, delightfully so. Makes me laugh every time I watch it.