Edward Furlong credited as playing...
Hawk
- Hawk: Yeah, we're here to take out friend Jam here to the big, satanic KISS concert, if that's okay with you.
- Father Phillip McNulty: Satan? Satan? Santa. They're the same letters... they're the same guy!
- Hawk: How's it hanging, Padre?
- Father Phillip McNulty: Whoa, I just heard you talking through my nose. Is it possible my nose has ear drums?... Nose drums!
- Father Phillip McNulty: [Hawk is dressed as the pizza boy] I'm donating your tip to the church. The Lord thinks you.
- Hawk: Tell the Big Guy not to mention it.
- Guido: Have you learned your lesson yet, puke?
- Hawk: If the lesson is you're a dick with ears and a really bad haircut, I'd say yeah. I've learned my lesson.
- Lex: [Voices, and Faces inside Trip's head as He contemplates robbing a store] I can't believe you're thinking of robbing a store, Trip. I mean, You don't pass go, and collect 200 Dollars for pulling Stuff like this, Man.
- Hawk: No shit, Man, is this really worth it? Still, You're gonna get Your ass kicked nine ways to Sunday by that fucking Gorilla, but I guess it's still a Hundred Times better than getting it Porked for the next Three to Five, right?
- Jam: What about that Girl Trip, She'll never forget this Night. Even if You got away with it, She'll be Scarred for Life, I mean, when are You gonna realize some Day, that being Tough, means being Tender?
- Trip: [Aloud] Alright everybody, just Shut up!
- [All the Customers look at Trip questionably, as Trip fakes a Cough]
- Hawk: Will you guys quit the mom-bashing? I mean, look, look, Lex's mom is cool because she lets us spend the night, and if it wasn't for your mom, Trip, we wouldn't have smoked that fine Panama Red last night! So, leave the women who gave you life out of it, they're both cool in my book.
- Trip: Whoa, man. I just had the killer-est vision, man. Imagine Mystery, openin' up for KISS, man.
- Lex: Oh, that'd be fuckin' IT, man!
- Trip: It could happen, man. it could happen!
- Jam: You know, in '73, KISS was opening for Blue Oyster Cult. One year later, to the day, man, Blue Oyster Cult was opening for KISS.
- Lex: Yeah, well, we're not gonna be openin' for anyone until our lead singer gets over his stage fright.
- Hawk: [scoffs] Man, I don't have fucking stage fright, man!
- Lex: Then why'd you pass out at Bing's party before the first fucking song?
- Hawk: That was one show, man!
- Lex: Yeah, that was our only show, and you dropped like a dead deer on us!
- Hawk: Shut up, man.
- Trip: So who did your wardrobe? A band of preppy sailboat captains?
- Jam: Hey, my mom had me over a barrel, alright? After what happened last night I had to let her *dress* me today!
- [Huffs]
- Jam: It's a give-and-take relationship.
- Lex: Yeah, she gives you shit, and you take it!
- Hawk: Jam, give me the tickets, man, I wanna hang on to them.
- Jam: The... tickets?
- Hawk: What?
- Jam: you see, there's a little, *little* problem with that. They're still at my house in Trip's jacket.
- Hawk: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- Jam: She was standing right over me while I was changing, for fuck's sake!
- Hawk: Jam, you are so pathetic, man!
- Trip: That is some sick shit right there! What, does she comb your ass hair for you too?
- Lex: Jam, if she even smells those tickets, she'll destroy 'em, and we get fucked outta seein' KISS for the third year in a row!
- Jam: They're fine, they're at my house, they're perfectly safe. We can go there right after school and pick 'em up. My mom's not even gonna be there!
- Trip: Dudes, hours from now, we're actually gonna be seein' KISS!
- Hawk: All right, man. We'll just double time it to your house, and grab the tickets before heading to the train station for the 3:45 to DETROIT... ROCK... CITY! GOD!
- [Bell rings]
- Hawk: Well, as they say in the tampon biz, see you next period.
- [slams locker door]
- Hawk: Jam! Just shut your faggoty-ass mouth! You're pissing me off! Now we came all this way and we've got absolutely nothing. So help me God, we are going to that concert.