Le garde du corps

For masochists. 1976's The Bodyguard is a grade Z Karate opera that gives proof that the martial arts craze of 30 years ago was just that, crazy. Unless you like to watch film stock wasted, don't buy this incompetent junk. I got it at Wally World and thought it would be a hoot. It wasn't.

What makes this stuff so mindbogglingly, stupefyingly, crushingheadachingly bad isn't that it's all of those adjectives and so much more. It's because there are folks who just can't get enough of this Kungfoolishness.

Hell, there are people in this country who collect Precious Moments figurines, too, so I guess we're all even.

I just finished watching this film and WOW was that bad. Actually the only thing that kept me watching was that it was SO MONUMENTALLY bad it was kind of entertaining. The action of the characters is hilarious, from the hyper-dramatic way they fall to gunfire, to their incredibly bad acting (were the bad guys all just pulled off the street, or were they actually actors?), to incredibly bad delivery of lines, to their inexplicable actions (if you are going to try and shoot someone through a doorway as they enter, obviously the thing to do is shoot directly at the doorknob!!). This film must break some record for worst written and delivered lines.

The camera work was also really bad - you can hardly see what's going on in the fight scenes due to switching camera angles and shakiness.

I would have voted "1" except that I do like Chiba and sidekick Sue Shihomi, and I was entertained by a couple of scenes: 1) breaking of a villain's arm so the bone pops out of the skin (that's gotta hurt) 2) a drug kingpin eating a brown-furred animal (a monkey??) by hacking away at the carcass with a meat cleaver 3) Sonny Chiba's performing some impromptu eye surgery on a guy with his fingers.

I am actually a big fan of Sonny Chiba but this one is really not worth anyone's time. I've seen about 7 or 8 of his films and have come to the conclusion that the only ones worth watching (and they are great!) are the Street Fighter series, and The Killing Machine. I've also heard the Executioner and Golgo 13 are good. I recommend sticking to those ones.

Ya this movie is kind of cheesy at times but I don't think it should be ripped apart like some of the other reviews. The plot is a bit thin but Sonny makes up for it as usual. As for the artsy camera work, I rather enjoyed it. The camera is shakey during running/fighting scenes but I enjoyed this. It gives the sense of a real chaotic situation instead of just situated camera work.

I do agree the dubbing is poor as hell but overall the movie worked for me and just reaffirmed Sonny Chiba as the Clint Eastwood of Japanese films.

(1973) The Bodyguard/ Bodyguard Kiba (In Japanese with English subtitles) ACTION

Co-written and directed by Ryûichi Takamori which at the opening has one gang being slaughtered by gunfire by another rival gang upon them coming out of a court house. We then see four members of the "Black April" gang single handedly killed by karate martial artist, Naoto Kiba (Sonny Chiba) upon their attempt to hijack a plane with passengers and demanding a ransom. And when Kiba is congratulated on front of reporters part of a press conference, he is there to promote his karate school, before offering his services as a "bodyguard"- hence the title. And it is not long before he meets his first client, a lady approaches him which he demanded the fee of 10 million yen. Before after the incident regarding his sister, Maki, attempting to retrieve the client, Reiko Miwa (Mari Atsumi) checkbook in her car, she is then gets hijacked by 4 or 5 men, knocked her unconscious nude on the middle of the road, boasted Kiba's fee from 10 million yen to 50 million. And halfway through, viewers are oblivious why so many criminals are after her. And as it turns out, Reiko Miwa happens to own a suitcase full of cocaine, a criminal syndicate gang called "Yellow Mafia" are after her for, as well as three owners of a small club want the briefcase as well. Own the suitcase without paying her a single penny that is.

Like Chiba's "Street Fighter" movies, it has about the same amount of gory violence as other those other films he was synonymous during the 1970's and one single nude scene. The violence is reminiscent to the Baby Cart movies which instead of a sword used doing the chopping we see karate used to chopping limbs and so forth- we even see a decapitated head. The problem is that if watched enough films, one can almost predict the entire direction of the movie itself, which without some of the few innovative karate fights and shootings, it would have been a hit or miss for me.

Even if you are a die-hard Sonny Chiba fan there is no reason to see this snooze-fest. However, watch the first five minutes for a tacked-on bit shot at a Times Square dojo in the mid-'70's that has absolutely nothing to do with the rest of the film. That sequence is so badly-acted and ludicrous that you'll wet yourself laughing! The sequence goes something like this:

CAMERA PANS UP STAIRCASE, GOES INTO DOJO.

An Hispanic martial arts guy does a pointless routine with two pair of nunchaku ("chucks") and comments to an Italian-looking karate guy "That's how Bruce Lee woulda done it!" The Italian guy says "That's pretty good, but here's how Sonny Chiba woulda done it!" He then proceeds to approximate some of Chiba's trademark moves from THE STREET FIGHTER on some poor student. After leaving the poor student hanging by his nuts, the two martial artists rub their chins and muse "I wonder what Sonny Chiba's doing now?" Then the movie lurches to a start. You may now turn off your vcr and do something useful like eat your own earwax.