Météorites

Bland, unexciting sci-fi thriller that spawned from my beloved uncle's wardrobe of horrible movies he got for free from work. A small American city is threatened by a huge storm of meteorites. Less people die from the actual meteor shower than from their own severe incompetence and ability to screw everything up.

Obviously the movie's budget was too low to film any scenes of asteroid carnage, so instead the film trails off from the main subject of mass destruction and focuses on the lives and times of our ugly main characters, a couple of thieves, and the upcoming redneck festival...(wtf?) What we're left with is one final scene where all the good guys hide in a cave while the space rocks rain down outside. With no casualties at all. That's how bland this movie is.

The funniest scene occurs during the end. Panic has broken out in the streets and we find our hero, the typical American Dad, trapped in his own hospital with electrified water covering the floor. American Dad's screw-up assistant #1 tries to jump from a table to the window despite screw-up assistant #2's cries in protest, which results in a major electrocution which somehow transforms screw-up assistant #1 into a pair of smoking shoes.

Worth a couple of laughs but much too stupid and uninteresting for its own good. Watch only if you have too much time on your hands (like, if you're trapped in a cave for six hours). Otherwise, avoid at all costs.(r#13)

No, those words weren't mine; a character actually said them. But it's my sentiment. This one gets a 5 because it averages out: about a 2 in scientific plausibility, but up around 8 on the amusement meter, because it's so ridiculous.

Evidently, an hours-long meteor shower decides to strike all in one spot, even though the Earth is a moving target. Some little southwestern town that is known for not meteors, but UFO visits. The daughter of the hero is crowned "Miss UFO," while his son is threatened in a home invasion by some punk with a gun. It gets sillier. Miss UFO is in a toy spacecraft, celebrating her great honor, when the meteorites decide to drop in. They always hit a target dead on, never missing anything. Two of the most sublimely idiotic hits are a human victim reduced to smoking shoes, and a truck winds up having a big hole in it.

Whatever the hero is doing, the meteorites decide to interfere. They blast a bridge two seconds before he uses it, they blast a mine two seconds before he hides in it etc. Rescues are always effected with the same magic two-seconds-to-spare margin; in one case the rescue comes just before the toy UFO plunges five feet to destruction.

Every natural disaster movie ploy ever known is cranked out for your laughter, and this movie is a must for fans of this kind of campy silliness.

I thought I had seen some stupid movies in my time but this one is the champ! Does the writer of this piece of crap understand that the world turns? How could dozens of meteorites all land in the same place? And always just before the good guys are about to make it to safety? And how is it that everyone manages to survive all these close quarter explosions? Ever hear of the Tunguska Event? A single meteor the size of a volleyball would go off like a nuclear bomb and flatten everything for miles around.

The mayor is a particularly stupid character. He has no coherent reasons for doing anything he does except that he has the personality of a 14 year old boy obsessed with oneupmanship.

All in all a total stinker. The biggest mystery of all is how crap like this ever gets produced.

Nothing outstanding or out of the ordinary about this TV movie. A small Arizona town is celebrating its annual UFO Festival, when Mother Nature provides a fiery display. Comets collide in space shooting meteorites toward earth. My favorite line in the whole movie is, "I treated that truck better than my ex-wife". The effects are pretty low tech. And the acting is predictable and flat. Cast members include:Tom Wopat, Roxanne Hart, Abby Meares and Mark Murphy.

I guarantee you, just one hour of Meteorites! (they had to put an exclaimation mark in the title, didn't they) and you will fall asleep from boredom. I strongly believe that this mediocre meteor movie was filmed right here in Australia, as I can spot little Aussie things, like the packaging of chip cups and the fact that it is produced by Village Roadshow. Also, it stars Amiel Daemion, who is well known here for singing the hit song, "Addicted To Bass". In this film, she is flat and her acting range is limited. As for the plot, can you say "rip-off"? The special effects aren't that bad, but the film is so boring that you'll fall asleep before anything happens. And somebody call the props department, the Indian guy is supposed to have his leg trapped, but the block holding it down shakes around a little and lifts up when he moves. Please let this be the last TV produced disaster movie, before I saw this I thought "Volcano: Fire on The Mountain" was bad.

AUSTRALIAN CLASSIFICATION:

PG Medium Level Violence, Sexual References

Some diaster violence where you don't really see any impact occurs, as does some teenage sexual antics.