- Danny Wallace: The ends justify the means, Pops.
- Sean Wallace: The ends is bullshit. The means is what you live with.
- Nick Chen: Black or red plum?
- Danny Wallace: Nah, I don't like plums.
- Nick Chen: What do you mean you don't like plums?
- Danny Wallace: I like peaches.
- Nick Chen: Peaches is shit. Haven't you ever heard the song Sinatra sang? 'Out of the tree of life I just picked me a plum.' Not a peach, a plum.
- Danny Wallace: I don't care if he pulled a raisin out of Sammy Davis's eye-socket, I prefer peaches.
- Benny Wong: You are not man enough to kill me.
- [puts gun in mouth and pulls trigger]
- Bobby Vu: No, but we kill you anyway Uncle Benny!
- [shoots body excessively with the gang]
- Nick Chen: Beef intestine noodle?
- Danny Wallace: Uh, no.
- Nick Chen: You wanna be Chinese, you gotta eat the gross stuff.
- Nick Chen: Beef intestine noodles, want some?
- Danny Wallace: Uh, no.
- Nick Chen: You wanna be a Chinese, you gotta eat the nasty stuff.
- Willy Ung: You never know how a guy gettin' his dick rubbed is gonna react when you charge the room, so keep your eyes sharp and your Glock cocked. And don't be tryin' to feel any Chinese titties either, ya little pervert!
- Bobby Vu: [while watching TV 'Uncle' Benny hears gunshots outside and pulls a revolver out of draw just as Bobby and his hit squad kick open his door] Uncle Benny
- Benny Wong: [defiant last lines] You think you can kill me?
- [shoots himself]
- Bobby Vu: We kill you anyway
- [fires gun into Benny's body while screaming along with the others]
- Bobby Vu: UNCLE BENNY! UNCLE BENNY! UNCLE BENNY!
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