Rafer Weigel credited as playing...
Robert
- Robert: Joy unto you, peace and serenity, you are not of the body, would you calm the fuck down already?
- Mark: A musical Julius Ceasar is quite possibly the worst idea I've heard since New Coke.
- Robert: Jesus Christ, no kidding. My girlfriend bails on me and then I find out that the man I've idolized since I was two turns out to be a raving loon! I can't believe my life.
- Mark: I usually can't believe your life either. But Shatner's dementia is no reason to give up the gospel of the original series!
- Robert: Ok the man that we just met is not the man who invented the Corbomite Manuever, or the man who almost died defeating the Doomsday Machine.
- Mark: Let it go. Separate the art from the artist. This is L.A., nobody's ever who they appear to be. Other than John Tesh, who's probably exactly who he appears to be.
- Robert: No, no no, I'm sorry. Shatner is, was and ever shall be Kirk to me. I need my hero.
- Mark: What you need is a bank account.
- Robert: I don't believe it. It's Bill.
- Mark: Okay, just be cool, don't stare, you'll go blind.
- Robert: And he's perusing porno. All right! I gotta go over there and talk to him, man!
- Mark: A... wha... wha... no. All over the world, from as far off as the Caspian sea, people have been running up to Bill and acting like idiots. Why must you be one of them?
- Robert: Because NOW it's MY turn! I mean, don't you want to go over there and talk to him and see what he's like? I mean William Shatner made us who we are today!
- Mark: Do you want to insult the man? Respect his space.
- Robert: I do respect his space: it's the final frontier...
- Mark: Just... just be dignified. You know, don't do anything stupid.
- Robert: I *hate* the fact that women do not give a shit how anything looks or sounds, as long as they can sing along with the lyrics.
- Leila: [disgusted little noise]
- Robert: All right, I'm sorry - I get a little carried away sometimes. But you know what, I can say the exact same thing about women and their obsession with their shoes.
- Leila: That's a sexist comment.
- Robert: Is it?
- Leila: Yeah.
- Robert: How many pairs of shoes do you have in your closet?
- Leila: I don't know. Maybe, um...
- Robert: I'm sorry, I didn't hear that. What was that?
- Leila: Fifty-three.
- Robert: FIFTY-TH - and you're calling *me* crazy?
- Leila: I don't know! Fifty-two, maybe? I'm, I'm not sure.
- Robert: Whatever, Imelda! That's totally obscene! I've got two pairs of sneakers, a pair of Docs, and a pair of boots, that's it!
- Leila: I don't expect you to understand.
- Robert: Of course not, because it's totally ridiculous.
- Leila: You can wear shoes; they're practical.
- Robert: Oh yeah, but can you wear 53 pairs? It's like women with a $30,000 engagement ring.
- Leila: What's wrong with that?
- Robert: Oh, come on. You know if it doesn't have airlock brakes and a passenger side airbag, it's *not* worth thirty K.
- Robert: [explaining why he's familiar with the Alvarez Hypothesis] The only reason I know that is because that's what almost happened in The Paradise Syndrome when Kirk lost his memory and became an Indian god.