- Hughie: [Holding a joint] Would you like a hit?
- Karen Knowles: I haven't done that in years
- [the Band screws up]
- Hughie: Now would be a very good time to start.
- Brian Lovell: So why did you leave me all those years ago?
- Karen Knowles: I didn't wanna watch you die.
- Hughie: [last lines, voice over] I was wrong about God. Turns out he likes that 70's stuff after all. So it didn't piss down, and they played 4 encores! And with the Almighty in their corner, who knows what might happen? And how will the Fruits conspire to bollocks things up this time around? We wait with bated breath.
- Ray Simms: I can see you Brian, so clearly, do you have a message?
- Brian Lovell: Got a gig on Saturday man.
- Ray Simms: Wha-what?
- Hughie: [v.o] If it's true that men are from Mars and women are from Venus, then drummers are from Pluto.
- Astrid Simms: Karen will get plane tickets, just give her your credit card number.
- Ray Simms: I don't know my credit card number.
- Astrid Simms: It's on your credit card, Ray.
- Beano: [Playing a game to name bands with parts of the body as part of their name] Dr. Hook and the Medicine Show!
- Clare: Objection, your honor!
- Hughie: Objection sustained.
- Beano: Well, some people 'ave hooks instead of hands.
- Les: Yeah, but it's not part of the body; it's not... anotomical.
- Beano: It is if you haven't got a fuckin' hand!
- Tony Costello: The only thing I have of value, is this
- [pulls out Necklace with a tooth on it]
- Tony Costello: Jimi Hendrix's tooth, there was a fight in a pub down Oxford Street, someone planked him, and I picked it up. I knew he was a genius even then.
- Les: [pointing to at the girls T-Shirt] Where did you get that T-Shirt
- Beano: Looks like '77's been through the wash a few times
- Dutch Lady: 'Tis my father's, he say best band he ever saw.
- Les: Oh.
- Dutch Lady: My father, he died.
- Beano: Oh.
- Les: Oh... That's a shitter.
- Ray Simms: It's another sign, Brian sent them.
- Tony Costello: [to Les and Beano] Chrissake. This was about us. This was our second shot, and it was working. Anybody who was at Antwerp saw it. We were fucking brilliant; we were better than we ever were. We were a great band. You stupid bastards, why couldn't you bury the past before it buried us?
- Karen Knowles: Tell me Astrid, how are Kirby, Steele and Oakes?
- Astrid Simms: I don't listen to their music.
- Karen Knowles: They're your estate agents, the ones trying to offload Wuthering Heights, so don't pretend you don't need this.
- Astrid Simms: You are a bloody nosy bitch Karen, and also a slut. I remember Isle of Wight.
- Karen Knowles: [after almost running Beano over as he runs from the tax man] Beano!
- Beano: What the fuck are you doing here?
- Tony Costello: How do you feel about getting the Fruits together again, Beano?
- Beano: Not a moment too soon, my old son!
- Luke Shand: You people are really something, you know that? All you want is a few free drinks and a chance to tear people down. Those guys deserve a bit more respect. You bunch of wankers!
- [reaming the journalists who just finished grilling band members at a press conference]
- Hughie: History teaches us that men behave wisely once they've exhausted all other alternatives. For most rock bands, the pursuit of wisdom's a low priority compared to fame, fortune and fornication. Such a band was Strange Fruit.
- Hughie: Hope this isn't another Sunderland!
- [speaking of Ray's mood swings]
- Luke Shand: What happened at Sunderland?
- Beano: He tried to slash his wrists with my Swiss Army knife.
- Les: Yeah, he'd never find the blade.
- Karen Knowles: [referring to Ray's mental state] This could be serious. He's on Prozac. Astrid told me.
- Beano: Prozac and alfafa sprouts? That could be lethal.
- Les: Hey, it's supposed to be rock and roll, man, not The Phantom of The Fuckin' Opera!
- [reacting to Ray's garish outfit and stage act]
- Beano: What do you think then, Luke?
- Luke Shand: I thought we were shit, guys.
- Les: Kill that racket, Hughie.
- Beano: Come again?
- Luke Shand: We were totally crap, I mean, especially on 'Heartbreaker'. I think we should dump that altogether.
- Tony Costello: It's a classic!
- Luke Shand: Well, maybe we should agree on what key it's in.
- Les: B-flat.
- Ray Simms: C.
- Tony Costello: G.
- Gary: He brings a dozens conferences a year here. I'd like to give him the benefit of the doubt.
- Karen Knowles: Yeah, well he tries it every bloody time he comes here.
- Gary: Karen, what this job needs is a people pleaser. Sometimes I don't even think you like people.
- Karen Knowles: Oh, so pleasing people is allowing them to touch my arse!
- Young Beano: You know what they say. "If at first you don't succeed... "
- Hughie: "Pull your foreskin over your heed."
- Karen Knowles: I had enough rock'n'roll to last a lifetime.
- Tony Costello: So you gave it all up for this?
- Les: Why do they always assume the singer is the voice of the band?
- [as journalists swarm Ray Simms and ignore the other members]
- Beano: You were engaged to a Guinness heiress, wasn't it?
- Tony Costello: Yeah, but they paid me to go away.
- Beano: Not enough from the look of ya.
- Tony Costello: Never is, man.
- Karen Knowles: This could be a great time to bring out some reissues, maybe even a box set.
- Clive: Oh, listen to you, sweetie! 20 years ago you were Neil Gaydon's doormat.
- Karen Knowles: Well, 10 years ago you were a tea boy at Virgin, Clive. Came to you first.
- Clive: Only because I own their catalog.
- Hughie: [voiceover] Karen still had ink on her fingers from school when she went to work for the Fruits. Started by sorting their laundry; by Wisbech she was sorting their lives.
- Snotty Reporter: So which Fruit's which?
- Beano: Well, I'm Posh Fruit. Les is Sour Fruit, and Ray's the only one that's got any money so he's Bread Fruit.
- Zoë: So what does that make you, Brian? Bruised Fruit?
- Hughie: Feast your eyes on this magnificent land yacht: tinted windows, air conditioned, twin porto-loos - not to mention an extensive library of pornography courtesy of the Psychedelic Furs world tour of 19 and 88. Step right up, ladies and gentlemen!
- Tony Costello: Hey, Hughie, pongs in here a bit. Think one of the Furs is still in here.
- Hughie: That's pedigree, Tony
- [inhaling deeply]
- Hughie: . Smell that Dettol, fag ends, vomit!
- Tony Costello: What's the situation, boyfriend-wise?
- Clare: I've had a couple. Nothing serious.
- Tony Costello: I was talking about your mother.
- Tony Costello: Do you know where we could contact him?
- Mrs. Baggot: You're the second lot's been lookin' for him this mornin'. He's at work, at the nursery.
- Tony Costello: He works at a nursery?
- Karen Knowles: Not around children?
- Lady in Black: You were in the first band I ever saw. When I got home my father banned me from ever going to see a rock concert again. He was a Methodist.
- Beano: So what do you want from me?
- Lady in Black: Quick, violent sex!