Total Force

When I was flipping around the channels, I came across this gem. No joke, I seriously thought it was a parody. But no, the truth is much sadder, it was a real movie.

I sat there, in awe, until the end of the movie.

The whole thing looks like a home video! It's hilariously bad! It's one of those movies with the SUPER cheesy lines, extremely horrible fight scenes, stone age special effects... and yet, I was having a good time watching it! It's one of those movies which are laughably bad, kind of like Manos: The Hands of Fate. You know it's horrible, yet you can't stop staring and simply laughing!

YUK YUK YUK!!!! how did this film ever get released, its the worst film ive ever seen, (well next to Gladiator) the filming looked like someone had just filmed it with a normal every day handiecam, it was that bad. If you see this movie on the shelf of any video shop then ask the manager of that store if hes lost his mind by buying this movie.

Its not even good enough to rate.

Total Force (1997)-Zero Stars

Directed By: Steven Kaman (AKA: Sven Nuvo) Starring: Timothy Bottoms, Frank Stallone, Richard Lynch and a special appearance by Robert Z'dar

"Total Force" is a total mess.

The plot, if you can even call it such a thing, involves Dr. Edmund Wellington (Lynch) who has a super hi-tech Military weapon. Drake (Bottoms) is a tough soldier who only wants to drink beer and watch football, when he is not kicking and punching dudes. Frank Stallone joins the fray as Jack O'Hara, the swarthiest Irish gangster ever. O'Hara has his own reasons for pursuing Drake and it all comes to a head at a marina.

Confusing, baffling, amateurish, incoherent, disjointed, irritating, and unexplainable are the nicest things we can say about this cinematic sludge that came directly from the sewer and into your VCR. Even the unannounced and sadly too brief appearance from the great Robert Z'Dar (as "Test Subject", doing his best "Incredible Hulk" impression) can't save this dreck.

Timothy Bottoms, a dead ringer for George W. Bush, so much so that he was cast as the former prez in the TV Movie "D.C. 9\11: Time Of Crisis" AND in the short-lived sitcom "That's My Bush!" phones in his performance as Drake...but then again, wouldn't you? Frank Stallone should stick to his music career if he is going to appear in roles like this.

Of course this is a movie that would be directed by a Sven Nuvo. You got to admit, it's a great cast, but they are under the shoddy direction of Nuvo, they are under-utilized.

Most people couldn't sit through the whole thing, this is an insult to movie-making. Amazingly enough, there is a sequel!: "Absolute Force". I guess the story wasn't complete...and it may never be.

Totally force yourself to watch this tonight!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

This rating of seven stars is completely out of line with the rest of the reviews, but I'll explain why: This film is not a triple A title, and it should not be viewed as such. It is, however, a very blunt and daring bottom end B-movie, featuring the most 'iconic' 90's elements - international terrorists, cyber warfare, government conspiracy, plenty of 'action girls' (featuring nudity), poorly choreographed fighting scenes, - you probably get the picture. It's all spiced up by very 'original' camera techniques - sudden zooms, tilting to the left and to the right, rapid angle changes, mixing in military stock footage to spice up the 'tension', and some funky visual tricks. All in all this is a rather fun movie with decent pacing, but only for those seeking these kinds of b-action flicks.

This movie wasn't the best I've seen, but it certainly was not the worst (Armstrong was MUCH worse). The basic plot was interesting and somewhat plausible. Corrupt (not mad) scientist Dr. Edmund Wellington (Lynch) has created a device that will cause people to become highly aggressive and kill others. A perfect plan when you're talking about soldiers during wartime. This device makes them the ultimate killing machine. And the added bonus? The soldiers will self destruct afterwards.

But something goes wrong with the self destruction part and the military, whom Wellington has been courting to buy his weapon, get cold feet. Then they decide to pull funding and scrub the project which causes Wellington to retaliate. Add to this mix Frank Stallone and his crew who are trying to stop the project from finishing and you've got the basic plot of ANY `direct-to-video' flick.

The camera work IS jerky and causes one to wonder what is really happening as you can't keep track of the action. That directorial move was a bad one. The acting wasn't bad, even Stallone was `okay', but the overall plot was a pretty thin one. The director, I think, was counting on the action sequences to make up for the lack of plot but as I said earlier, the camera movements made those action sequences difficult to watch.

It should be noted however that some comic relief was offered with the role of Senator Williams, played by Lynch's younger brother Barry. The senator was basically a horny `good old boy' who was after everything in a skirt. His scenes with his brother were pretty amusing too. Best line? Wellington to Williams when Williams says that he needs to `go over the figures' (in the proposal) again. He is actually wolfishly eyeing one of the babes in the movie when he says this and Wellington replies, `Oh, talk to her. She's got a firm GRASP on the situation!' One wonders how many jokes the brothers got out of that one at the next family gathering. :)