Tequila Body Shots

The stupidest f*ckin' film ever. It physically hurts. I can't believe I actually saw what i did. Someone somewhere got fired for saying yes to this unbelievably horrid piece of dung. i feel like punishing myself for not killing myself 10 minutes into it.

In fact, I STILL feel bad.

Joey Lawrence of 'Blossom' fame plays Johnny Orpheus, a film student accompanying his two moronic friends Al (Josh Marchette) and Paul (Nathan Anderson) on a road trip to a party in Mexico. During the trip, they pay a visit to "Doc" (Henry Darrow, 'The High Chaparral'), a medicine man with "magical" bottles of tequila. When Johnny drinks some, he acquires the ability to read minds, which comes in handy as he attempts to woo the pretty Tamlyn (Dru Mouser). Ultimately, he must rescue Tamlyn from a demented spirit named Hector (Rene L. Moreno).

This viewer figured that he would check this out, seeing that he is usually partial to B genre pictures, but this is terminally *lame*. A purported horror-comedy, it is *never* scary and *rarely* funny (although this viewer would be lying if he said that he didn't chuckle at some lines and moments). It has a pretty bad script (by director Tony Shyu), but the worst sin that "Tequila Body Shots" commits is forcing the viewer to spend time with Al, Paul, and super-aggressive film nerd Ted (Rob Benedict), three of the most aggravating, insufferable characters that a movie watcher should have to put up with. Ted is just the worst, a big fat annoying stereotype.

At the very least, the climax of the film, which takes place in "Hell", is somewhat interesting. It isn't great, at all, but it's certainly better than the balance of the movie. Lawrences' earnestness does help a fair bit, as well as the presence of the endearing Mr. Darrow. And it doesn't hurt that the ladies (also including Stephanie Arellano as Tina) are generally quite attractive.

My word of advice is that if you do feel like *you* want to give this movie a "shot", as it were, please keep your expectations low.

Three out of 10.

While "Tequila Body Shots" ranks in my personal top five worst movies ever made, it is definitely memorable. A film so wretched Jim Varney would have winced, it raises the question "who gave this tripe the greenlight?" That being said, it was impossible for me to turn away. I caught the movie inadvertently on cable and could do nothing but follow it through to its bitter end. The effects, the acting, the final denouement involving the movie's namesake all coalesce to make a cinematic masterpiece in shame. Joey Lawrence has grown up, and after doing that movie should have thrown up. Worth watching just to realize that every other movie you thought was bad actually wasn't THAT bad.

Joey (or now Joesph) Lawrence has been (desperately) looking for a comeback movie, but if he keeps making movies like this no one is going to give him a shot. It may look a little better than most low budget horror flicks, but the story is awkardly set up and can be hard to follow at times. I think the film had the right idea; supernatural horror mixed with lush romance and a dash of spice, but the mythology comes off as silly and since this plays such a big role in the film, it ruins the rest.

Now, this goes out to all those people who have given this film a bad review, come-one, it's not that bad! sure the script is weird and a little confusing but there are a lot more worse films out there. And i don't see why everyone is being so mean to Joey Lawrence, because in fact he's the best bloody thing in the whole god damn film. And come-one, he does look sexy when he gives that girl a body shot!! the film starts off being quite simple Johnny a shy film student gets an invitation from people he doesn't even know to a Halloween party in Mexico. sounds simple enough. but the night before he meets a beautiful girl Tamblyn, who seems to be haunted by a guy called Hector. As Johnny travels up to Mexico he's friends become very ill and stop at a stank house in look of aid, when they come across a old man claiming to be a doctor, he gives all of them some tequila. the two friends instantly feel better, and Johnny is hesitant, but he does in the end drink it and it allows him to read the mind of women. So this helps him find out whats going on with Tamlyn, so long story short Johnny ends up actually going into hell (that scene is actually quite funny!) And saves the day blah blah blah. so anyways i liked this film and i don't really care if you disagree!! he-he! Love ya B*****