- [discussing the care and feeding of their captive]
- Kelly: How am I supposed to send you to feed the broad when you smell like that? It ain't the gentlemanly thing to do, but I got no choice, so go feed her, Bear.
- Bear: Me? Well, what do you feed one of them rich women?
- Kelly: I don't know. Feed her what you eat.
- Dutch: Remember, if it's a canned good, it's what's in the can. It's not the can!
- [Twister, Dave's talking monster truck, has just been shot in the radiator]
- Dave: Does it hurt?
- Twister: Only when I shift.
- [Dave checks his talking truck for damage]
- Twister: Quit poking around under there. What are you, some kind of pervert? Get your hands off my undercarriage!
- Dave: Every shot you've called, Mr. Artificial Intelligence, has been a loser. To me, love has clogged your transistors. You've got emotion flowing through your logic circuit.
- Twister: Stop the insults. I suppose your plans have shown less emotion by threatening people with guns and blowing up buildings...
- Dave: No, but I'm just a cowboy and I'm supposed to feel emotion when I'm in love. You are a pile of transistors and circuits. You're supposed to calculate and think.
- Twister: I'll give you something to think about! If you don't get me back to the garage, I'll become a pile of scrap metal and my creator and your wife will become history.