- April: Claire, darling. So what's with you advising Neil to break up with me?
- Claire: [drunk] He broke up with you?
- April: Yes, he did.
- Claire: Well, good for him.
- April: Good for him? Why are you all of a sudden interested in my love life?
- Claire: First, I'd be careful in calling it a love life. Second, Neil is my friend. I thought I'd crack the door, let a little light in. I'd do the same for you, April.
- April: [scoff] Really? Ooh, this is good, Claire. Let me just absorb this.
- Claire: You're wrong for Neil! He deserves better. Something a little more dignified.
- April: You know, you're right actually, 'cause I thought you and Neil would make such a good couple.
- Claire: No. No, no. I would never fuck my best friend's boyfriend.
- April: Mm, I would!
- Jason: How does it feel like to have the biggest pussy known to mankind?
- April: You're really trying my patience, Jason. That's really funny.
- Jason: Yeah, well, you're looking a little spent there.
- April: Listen, you little faggot! You want me to drag you out by your puny, little cock and take away what manhood you have left, 'cause I'll do it!
- Jason: What're you gonna do? You gonna blow me to death?
- April: [slaps Jason]
- Claire: I've got spirit, I've got zest I do commercials for Tampax & Crest. I'm beautiful and slender with silicon breasts. My measurement check ups always past the test. You see me in magazines, You watch me on TV. Don't you freaks wish you were me? I make bush loads of money No talent, no brains. While poets and artists go slowly insane. I'm the American dream every man wants me. I share myself with the world It's ecstasy. Shopping, the gym, my finances parents are coming for dinner Tanning salons, Bikini waxes, Endless appointments, Diet pill stashes Don't you wish you were me?
Contribute to this page
Suggest an edit or add missing content
