- Harry Zimm: I once asked this literary agent, uh, what kind of writing paid the best... he said, "Ransom notes."
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: I'm from Miami-fuckin'-Beach and you wanna show me the ocean, huh? And what about sun, does it ever shine around here, or is this smog around all the time?
- Limo Driver With Sign: They say the smog is the reason we have such beautiful sunsets.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: That's what they say, huh? What a bunch of fuckin bullshit.
- Chili Palmer: Rough business, this movie business. I'm gonna have to go back to loan-sharking just to take a rest.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Let me explain something to you. Momo is dead. Which means that everything he had now belongs to Jimmy Cap, including you. Which also means, that when I speak, I speak for Jimmy. E.g., from now on, you start showing me the proper fucking respect.
- Chili Palmer: "E.g." means "for example". What I think you want to say is "I.e.".
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Bullshit! That's short for "ergo".
- Chili Palmer: Ask your man.
- Bodyguard: To the best of my knowledge, "e.g." means "for example".
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: E.g., i.e., fuck you! The point is this: is that, When I say "jump", you say "OK", okay?
- Chili Palmer: What is that?
- Rental Car Attendant: It's an Oldsmobile Silhouette.
- Chili Palmer: I ordered a Cadillac.
- Rental Car Attendant: Oh, well, you got the Cadillac of minivans.
- Bo Catlett: I'd like to introduce my associate, The Bear. Movie stuntman, champion bodybuilder. Throws out things I don't want.
- Bear: I think you ought to turn around and head back to Miami.
- Chili Palmer: So you're a stuntman, huh?
- Bear: Yeah.
- Chili Palmer: You any good?
- Bear: Am I any good?
- [He turns to Bo, laughing. Chili grabs him by the balls, then throws him down the stairs]
- Chili Palmer: That's not bad for a guy his size.
- Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.
- Martin: I'm looking at you.
- Chili Palmer: No, I want you to look at me the way I'm looking at you. Put it in your eyes, 'You're mine, asshole,' without saying it.
- Martin: Like this?
- [heavy lidded eyes]
- Chili Palmer: What you're telling me, you're tired? You wanna go to bed?
- Martin: Wait. How about this?
- [squints]
- Chili Palmer: Now you're squinting like you need glasses.
- Martin: Well, what are you getting...
- Chili Palmer: Look at me. What I'm thinking is, 'You're mine. I fuckin' own you.' But what I'm not doing is feeling anything about it one way or the other. You understand? You're not a person to me, you're a name in my collection book, a guy owes me money, that's all.
- [Martin does the look once again]
- Chili Palmer: Whoah.
- Karen Flores: He's... he's good.
- Chili Palmer: You nailed it.
- Martin: [guttural] That's what I think of you, asshole. Nothing.
- Chili Palmer: That's why you're Martin Weir.
- [after Bo's balcony rail gives way, pitching Bo over the side to the bottom of the canyon]
- Chili Palmer: How do you think that happened?
- [Bear holds up a handful of screws and nuts]
- Bear: Beats the shit out of me.
- Chili Palmer: How did you get in here?
- Ray Bones: It was easy. I told 'em I was you, I acted real stupid and they believed me.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: [after punching Leo's wife Faye in the face] I want us to be friends, Faye. And we all know that friends don't hit each other... unless they have to.
- Chili Palmer: Now I've been shot at three times before. Twice on purpose and once by accident. And I'm still here. And I'm gonna be here for as long as I want to be.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Chili Palmer. It's chilly outside and it's Chili inside. It's a regular fuckin' chili-fest!
- Leo: But how will you find me? You don't know where I'll be... I don't know where I'll be.
- Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo, you leave a trail like a fuckin' caterpillar.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: [after being shot by Chilli Palmer] Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1! Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1! Somebody call 9-fucking-1-1-1!
- Karen Flores: Anyway, what about your story? You thought of a title yet?
- Chili Palmer: How about "Get Shorty"?
- Bo Catlett: You broke into my house, and I have a witness to it.
- Chili Palmer: What?
- Bo Catlett: Only this time it ain't no John Wayne and Dean Martin shooting bad guys in "El Dorado."
- Chili Palmer: That was "Rio Bravo." Robert Mitchum played the drunk in "El Dorado." Dean Martin played the drunk in "Rio Bravo." Basically, it was the same part. Now John Wayne, he did the same in both. He played John Wayne.
- Bo Catlett: Man, I can't wait for you to be dead.
- Limo Driver With Sign: Mr. Barbone? Welcome to L.A., I'm Bobby, your driver. I hope you had a pleasant flight.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah well, I hope you drive better than you fucking spell, jack-off. My name is Barboni, not Barbone, okay!
- Karen Flores: I know I'm better than what I've been doing all these years, walking around in fuck-me pumps and a tank-top, waiting until it was time to scream.
- Chili Palmer: Yeah, but what a scream.
- Karen Flores: Oh yeah, it's a real talent. Look, all I'm saying is, what I wouldn't give for the chance to say one really great line. You know, like in that great Bette Davis movie where she says, "I'd kiss you... "
- Chili Palmer: "But I just washed my hair."
- Bo Catlett: Yayo! You gonna smoke, then you get the hell off my six-hundred-dollars-a-yard carpet. Now, I told you where the money is, all you have to do is go and get it.
- Yayo Portillo: No! No, I tell you something. I go to the airport, man, I open that locker and they bust me? I tell them I come to get something for you! That's all I know.
- Bo Catlett: That's all you know, huh?
- Yayo Portillo: That's all I know.
- Bo Catlett: Wait a minute here, Yayo, I'll be back directly.
- [to Bear]
- Bo Catlett: Keep an eye on Yahoo for me.
- [he leaves, Bear comes out to watch Yayo]
- Yayo Portillo: That's the way you get things done.
- [Bo comes back with a gun]
- Yayo Portillo: What the fuck you gonna do with that?
- Bo Catlett: I'm taking you out, Yahoo.
- [shoots him]
- Chili Palmer: If you're gonna set somebody up, it's gotta be a surprise, you got that?
- Bear: You spotted them, huh?
- Chili Palmer: What, did you see that work in some movie you got beat up in?
- Mr. Escobar: [about Yayo] He is my sister's kid, no father, not too bright... personally, I think he's a retard. I only gave him the job as a favor to my sister, you understand.
- Bo Catlett: [nervously] Oh, sure. Family, I know how that goes.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: [noticing Ronnie likes to flash his gun a lot] You must be one of those quick-draw artists, the way you've got your gun down on your belt like that.
- Ronnie Wingate: Whatta you got there, a Wop 9? Fuckin' Fiat of guns, always jammin' on you at the wrong time.
- [Bones nods, smiles and shoots him 4 times]
- Chili Palmer: Harry, look at me. You're trying to tell me you fucked up without sounding stupid, and that's hard to do.
- Chili Palmer: Hey, Karen, how you doing?
- Karen Flores: What are you doing here?
- Chili Palmer: Listen, I wanted to come by and apologize for breaking in the way I did last night.
- Karen Flores: So, let me get this straight. You broke in again to apologize for breaking in before?
- Chili Palmer: No, no. Your patio door was open. And you shouldn't do that because you got a lot of nice things in this house.
- Karen Flores: Well, make sure you lock it on your way out.
- Chili Palmer: Martin, look at me.
- Martin Weir: I'm looking at you
- Chili Palmer: No, look at me the way I'm looking at you.
- Chili Palmer: Hey, Bones, that's quite a scar you got on your head. Why don't you have these guys fit you for a rug, cover it up for you?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: [to the barbers] You two geezers take your game to the park.
- [He goes into the back room]
- Bodyguard: [menacing] This man is the man, you understand what I'm saying, motherfucker? He's *Mister* Bones. And you speak to Mister Bones from now on.
- Chili Palmer: [quietly] Come on, you can do better than him, can't you?
- Bodyguard: [lowers voice] Not these days. Not unless you speak Spanish.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: [sitting in a toilet reading a magazine, the phone rings] Fuck!
- [continues sitting in the toilet, the phone rings again and he gets up]
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!
- Harry Zimm: I said I'd think about it. In this town, what does that mean? Nothing!
- Chili Palmer: Well, that's the difference between you and me, Harry. I say what I mean. I want Martin Weir? I go out and get Martin Weir. I don't fuck around with this bullshit with the trainer's shrink.
- Karen Flores: I think you could be an actor.
- Chili Palmer: Well, I could see myself in the parts that Robert De Niro plays. Or maybe even, an Al Pacino movie, you know, playing a real hard-on. But I couldn't see myself in those movies where three grown-up guys get left with a baby, and so they act like three grown-up assholes, acting all cute...
- Karen Flores: Chili, Chili, look at me.
- [after Chili beats up Bear]
- Chili Palmer: Bear, look at me. You tell your boss I don't ever want to see him again. And that means he's got to be nowhere near me, Karen, or Harry. You understand?
- [Bear nods]
- Chili Palmer: Okay, get up. What are you hanging around that guy for, anyway? I mean, you were in the movies, right? You were a stuntman. What's he ever done that he can talk about? You okay?
- Bear: Not too bad.
- Chili Palmer: How about when you fell down the stairs?
- Bear: Pulled my quadriceps.
- Chili Palmer: So how many movies you been in, anyway?
- Bear: About sixty.
- Chili Palmer: No shit. What were some of them?
- Bo Catlett: It says here you're getting Martin Weir for the part of Lovejoy?
- Chili Palmer: That's right, we're getting Martin.
- Bo Catlett: Come on, how you gonna do that?
- Chili Palmer: I'm gonna take a gun, I'm gonna put it to his head, and say, "sign the fucking papers, Martin, or you're dead." That's it.
- Bo Catlett: I wonder, would that work?
- Chili Palmer: I can't believe the way you do business out here. I can't believe how fucked-up your organization is.
- Bo Catlett: I tell you what. How about I count to three, and I organize your fucking brain all over the wall back there. How 'bout that?
- Chili Palmer: Leo, sit down. I don't know how you got this far, you're so fucking dumb. But you're through now, and let me explain why. Ray Bones is the man that you're dealing with now, and when Bones finds out what you did, he's gonna take everything, including the sporty little hat you got on your head. And then most likely he'll shoot you, so you won't tell on him. Now, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna hurt you. Now you got three hundred and ten thousand in the bag here. I'm gonna take the three hundred thousand that you scammed from the airline, and then the ten that's left over, I'm gonna borrow from you and pay back at another time.
- Leo: Wait, you take all my money, but you're borrowing part of it?
- Chili Palmer: At eighteen percent. Now don't ask another fucking question, I'm leaving.
- Leo: But you won't know where I am. I mean, I don't even know where I'll be!
- Chili Palmer: I'll find you, Leo. You leave a trail like a fucking caterpillar.
- [Harry Zimm calls Ray Bones on the phone]
- Harry Zimm: Ray Barboni?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Who is this?
- Harry Zimm: Are you the guy they called Ray Bones?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: It depends. Who is this?
- Harry Zimm: I'm the one telling you the way it is, okay, asshole? That's who I am. Now you want your three hundred grand or don't you?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: What three hundred grand?
- Harry Zimm: The three hundred grand a guy named Leo Devoe scammed off an airline. The three hundred grand Chili Palmer now has in his possession.
- Harry Zimm: [after a brief pause] Hello. Are you there?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Yeah, I'm here. I just don't like the anonymous crap. It means your either chickenshit or not for real.
- Harry Zimm: Well, trust me, I'm very for real.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Okay, so who are you?
- Harry Zimm: I work for Harry Zimm, all right?
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Who?
- Harry Zimm: Harry Zimm. The man happens to be a major Hollywood player.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Never heard of him.
- Harry Zimm: Maybe that's because you've never been out've fuckin' Miami, dipshit. Maybe it's time you got on a plane, flew out to L.A. and took a meeting with Mr. Zimm.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: So, what, this Zimm guy asking for some kinda finders fee, that what we're talking about here?
- Harry Zimm: Hey, Zimm doesn't ask for dick. Zimm tells you the way it is... or else.
- Ray "Bones" Barboni: Or else what?
- Harry Zimm: Or else use your fucking imagination!
- Martin: [to Harry] I'm really glad you rejected me ten years ago when I auditioned for the part of Eddie Solomon, the pedophile clown in "Birthday Boy". If I'd have gotten that part, I might have been typecast.
- Chili Palmer: You know, Welles didn't even want to do this movie. But he had some studio contract he couldn't get out of. Sometimes you do your best work when you got a gun to your head.
- Martin: You know it might help you to take another look at "Cyclone", the way a visual fabric is maintained while the metaphor plays on different levels.
- Chili Palmer: Ahhh...
- Harry Zimm: [to Chili] A blockbuster but quality. No mutants or maniacs. This is gonna be my "Driving Miss Daisy".
- Ronnie Wingate: Excuse me bro', but who the fuck are you?
- Chili Palmer: I'm the one tellin' you how it is...