The Final Goal

I've never written a movie review before, but this flick has inspired me to try to help others.

I forced myself to watch this movie, fully expecting it to be one of the worst movies I'd ever seen. It was even worse than I imagined.

Erik Estrada is a rich man trying to fix a soccer game. To do this, he has a team of goons, with no acting ability, utilizing all the usual coercion tricks on the players. One player stands up to battle evil. You know the drill.

I must give credit, though: somehow the folks making this movie have managed to combine utter predictability with a total lack of reality.

The acting is absolutely horrible. The script is trite, predictable, boring and loaded with gaping holes. The scene transitions are abrupt and confusing. I kept thinking my DVD player was malfunctioning.

I could go on, but this movie simply doesn't warrant as much time as I've already dedicated to it. I feel bad ripping it like this - it could have been somebody's school project, after all - but the fact is it was released onto video, and therefore opened up for criticism. I've seen many movies which were never intended to be blockbusters, but this one sinks to an all time low.

If you have an opportunity to see this one, run away. Run as fast as you can.

This may just be the worst film I have ever seen in my life. I now have a newfound respect for the masterpiece that is 'Joe vs. the Volcano' .. Please, whatever you do, do not see this film under any circumstances. You'll lose time .. and perhaps your soul.

The plot, if you can call it a plot, is thin. The acting is equally thin, if present at all. CHiPs 99 was infinitely more entertaining than this presentation.

I just purchased this DVD cheap, costing a buck (plus an extra 10% off employee discount). At 90 cents, I still didn't get my money's worth.

The plot is sometimes difficult to follow, but a few scenes of dialog make it possible to do so. Steven Nijjar (who?) stars as Nick Kanel, a soccer goalie, who is also a martial arts expert on the side. He finds his teammates being taken in by corrupt promoters promising big bucks for those willing to throw the big game, for the Gold Cup, and bruises and bullets for those who, like Kanel, are too scrupulous. Kanel puts his fighting skills to use in battling these creeps.

The ending is unbelievably campy, and the acting is unbearable. Nijjar's was so bad it wasn't good enough to qualify for a Golden Rasberry award. I guess even the Razzies have standards.

The one saving grace, sort of, was the occasional comic relief provided by a couple of Kanel's teammates, one of whom resembles Doogie Howser.

Erik Estrada, who plays one of the bad guy promoters, got top billing only he because he was by far the best known. He must have been really desperate for work.

Simply said, this is the worst movie I've ever seen, and I've seen some stinkers. Even the synopsis of the movie on the back of the DVD is completely wrong. I don't mean in a hyberbolic sense. I mean they literally get it wrong. Whoever wrote it must have skipped actually watching it. And I am jealous of them for that.

Yikes, The Final Goal - this was the very first movie I ever PA'd on - back in first year film school. My crowning moment was when I had to go get Mr. Estrada a Sprite (and I didn't spill it on him). And now - where did all the time go? Haven't even seen this movie yet, but I have fond memories of working 18 hour days, wrapping joy cable and lugging sandbags. And now that I've made my first feature, I can honestly say - MAKING MOVIES (even bad ones) IS HARDER THAN YOU EVER THINK.

Warren P. Sonoda Director Ham & Cheese

PS - thanks to Jon for letting me work on his film.