Blonde Heaven

An horrible skin film, void of any redeeming value, other than a few assorted beauties (most of them not even blonde), who wander through this movie without any clothes on. Story is ridicolous. There are at least two scream queens (Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer), but even the fans of the horror movies will be bored by this Blonde Heaven.

Director DeCouteau should have the courage to make real porno movies, not absolutely vain exercises in simulated sex like the several ones he made for Full Moon and other companies.

A pity.

Wow...this was a dumb movie. Now to be fair, my expectations are never high when I am preparing to watch an erotic thriller, but this was lame even compared to most films in this genre. The plot is practically nonexistent, and what little story there is happens to be painfully bad. Therefore, the only reason to watch this film is for female flesh. But, even if you're THAT desperate to see oodles of nudity, I can only hope that you keep your finger close to the fast-forward button, because this film is just plain awful.

Tons of fake boobs can't even save this movie. Yeah, they helped get through this disaster of a "vampire" movie. In my opinion a vampire movie should have a few things. One of them being scenes were we actually see the vampire biting someone. We are only given the impression that happens in this movie.

I rented this on DVD, titled MORGANA (for what reason I am still clueless, no one is named Morgana). Blonde Heaven is the type of movie that...well, I don't know. I suppose some guys could you it as a masturbatory tool. Or some women could get off checking out the really buff guys. Well, anyway all that aside, this movie is just a bunch of poorly done sex scenes strung together among a few ridiculous scenes that try to be a vampire flick.

What of the back story? Ilyana is searching for her lost love, Vincent. Supposedly, this stupid Hick girl from Oklahoma, with a really, really bad accent, is a face double for him. Um, okay! Well, of course lesbian action ensues.

The beginning scene with the blonde in the shower...so they bid on her and the winner got to bite here? And what was with them grabbing at their heads? Was Ilyana sending some psychic wave to injure them? This is never explained.

Poor acting, lots of boob, naked women, naked men, no plot, bad sound, under-developed script...I don't know what else to say. The sex scenes were so tepid, they wouldn't have aroused anyone, in my opinion. I did, however, find them to be very racy for an R rated movie. Doggie style must be the preferred method by vampires.

The opening with Julie Stain boffing some guy was different. Movies normally don't start like that...well, porno's maybe.

overall this was a dumb movie that just wanted to show flesh.. Which is cool, but come on.

Now, don't get me wrong...as a red blooded male, I did appreciate the X-rated treatment the naked women rec'd. I'm not too big on silicon, but boobs is boobs...and boobs is nice to look at!

I thought this would be a good movie, but it ended up sucking at the end (literally!) Julie Strain has sex with a guy through the opening credits....it was quite entertaining watching them go through so many positions in so little time. The plot is wafer thin and full of old, tired concepts. The country hick girl comes to L.A. to be an actress (don't they all?). Unfortunately, her boyfriend tags along unknowingly (that's until he finds her and they have sex, go fig). "Blonde Heaven" is the code name for an escort service that's really a coven of bloodsucking vampires. (See "TFTC: Bordello of Blood") Julie Strain is the head vamp/madam, and hires the country girl to be one of her "girls". If you notice, whenever you see someone in "Blonde Heaven" they're wearing black clothes and black shades...I guess they do that in order to recognize them as the "bad guys". The ending is also pretty generic as well....I won't ruin it for the 5 of you that want to wait for the ending. The acting is bad, the sex scenes are horrible, and the music is downright awful....but then again, Julie Strain is in it. Julie's presence in this flick (along with my all-time fave B-movie actress Monique Parent), and Julie's sex scene in the opening credits keep this movie from receiving an F, but just barely. I give it a D+; see it at your own risk.

David DeCoteau isn't known as one of the great B-movie directors but he sunk beneath his own lowest levels with this one. In addition to what everyone has said, may I add that one scene of Julie Strain undressing was done in extreme long shot whereas every time one of the guys was nude, his butt was shoved in our faces. What up with that!? However it was nice to see, as Joe Bob Briggs might say, some gratuitous naked Michelle Bauer for old times sake. If this is the new Full Moon Pictures I say bring back Phil Fondacaro and the Puppet Master.