Les vacances des maîtres plongeurs de National Lampoon

So jaw-droppingly, eye-glazingly, mind-bogglingly abysmal that it changes the way you view all other movies thereafter. It's honestly that awful. It resets your gauge as you realize the films you thought were at the very bottom of the heap actually have a yawning chasm beneath then, at the very depths of which lies this alleged film.

Now, whenever anyone says ANYTHING else is "the worst movie ever made", I tell them first place is locked up by "Last Resort" and the best (well, actually the worst, I mean) anyone else can ever hope for is second place.

Please take my word for it. Do not subject yourself to this horrific idiocy.

I rented this film with a few good buddies and we fully expected to enjoy watching a lousy movie filled with unintentional comedy. Instead, what we labored our way through was 90 minutes of unwatchable garbage. The movie presents us with Corey Feldman and Corey Haim, and proceeds to tell us that they are cool guys who we should enjoy. Why?! It never shows us anything cool or enjoyable about them - it just asks us to assume that. Much like when a body rejects a donated organ, we reject the very notion that they are interesting or likable individuals. Was Feldman's outfit EVER cool-looking? Even in some parallel dimension? (Also, a note to any prospective screenwriters out there, costuming jokes are NEVER funny! "Look, the sleeves of his suit are ripped off because he's on the beach!! HILARIOUS!") Corey Haim spends his time dressed like a semi-retarded homeless person and spouting off about virtual reality. Huh? Where did that character paradigm come from? If you can believe it, the movie actually becomes less watchable when the two Coreys aren't on the screen. We're presented with a villain with an annoyingly altered voice, a mermaid with an annoyingly altered voice, and an retired couple intent on wasting our time with their weary jokes. A last note, we should have realized that the movie was going to be a failure while watching the opening credits - the names are piercingly flashed at us in neon colors. It was enough to almost send me into a seizure.

People, trust me. If you're looking for a campy movie high on the unintentional comedy scale, look elsewhere. "Last Resort" only serves to p*** you off.

This always shows after midnight, mostly at 2 a.m. Strangely, at that ungodly hour I am drawn to watch this show, yet again. I have seen it many times over the years. I saw it again just two days ago.

There is no plot. It has no jokes, unless they are puns on sex. The extras are badly painted cut outs. All of the characters seem to have no main objective. I not sure what the film makers wanted for me to get out of these 90 minutes. I'm not sure how it starts or how it ends. And truth be told, as distorted as the plot sounds, I don't believe this movie was drug inspired. It was set out to be cheesy.

The part that has me up at night watching is it's unpredictable nature. Because I am uncertain of any action in the movie, the following action is even more confusing. Had they filmed this movie in any conventional way, It would have never been watched. Because it is so crazy and unpretentious, it works in it's capacity. Would I recommend it to a friend? As long as don't have to watch the movie with them.

I give this film two. Why? Because it has the Coreys in it and occasionally they have their tops off. But other than that this film was absolute RUBBISH! I bought it only yesterday because I love the Corey's and I try to buy all their stuff. i knew it was going to be ridiculous, stupid, maybe irritating, but i thought I might actually enjoy SOME of it, seeing as I usually enjoy silly films. But this wasn't just bad it was god awful garbage! How could the Corey's have ever agreed to such an excruciatingly painful display of bad acting, screenplay, directing, producing, and everything else it requires to make a film. WHY? I seriously don't get it, because the Coreys are talented but no one who saw this film first would ever know that! It was torture to watch and i only put up with it for the sake of the Coreys. But never again. It will collect dust on my shelf for the rest of my life, only there so i can say I own most of their films. By far the worst film i've ever seen!

Released in 1994, "National Lampoon's Last Resort" stars Corey Feldman & Corey Haim as two young dudes who are magically transported to a Caribbean island after being fired from a fast food outlet and getting evicted. Their mission is to help save the island as they meet various beach beauties. The band Dread Zeppelin perform the theme song during the end credits.

The movie has a crazy vibe, nice beach locations, several beautiful women and the cast looks like they had a fun time, as if they knew it was low-budget trash but chose to have a good time anyway. Unfortunately, the plot is nigh nonexistent and much of the dialogue gibberish, like the screenwriters (term used loosely) had a pot-smoking party during the creation process. I know they were shooting for something in the ballpark of 1985's well-done "Private Resort," but that movie had a discernible plot - however irrelevant - and coherent dialogue. While it bears the "National Lampoon" moniker, it's not worthy of it; not even close. Still, if you're in the mood for a zany island comedy, give it a try, just don't expect anything good. It's mindless, but fun beach-oriented amusement (and I mean "mindless" literally).

The movie runs 90 minutes and was shot on the Cayman Islands and La Habra Heights, California.

GRADE: Borderline C-/D+