Leslie Nielsen credited as playing...
Mr. Magoo
- [one of the thieves has just stolen Magoo's car and the Star of Kuristan]
- Mr. Quincy Magoo: To the Eggplantmobile!
- Waldo: [after Magoo eats a plastic bunch of grapes] Unc!
- Mr. Magoo: Why is it that someone always seems to burn the rumaki?
- Waldo: Maybe you should see another eye doctor.
- Mr. Magoo: Waldo, Hiram has been my optometrist since I was a small boy in knee pants.
- Waldo: He's like 2,000 years old! All his other patients are dead.
- Mr. Magoo: Well, you can't blame that against him!
- Waldo: But he's still making appointments with them. Trust me, you need a second opinion.
- [at the alter on his wedding day, Peru does not realize his bride is actually Magoo in disguise]
- Ortega Peru: Before we take our sacred vows, precious one, I have a surprise.
- [Peru takes out the ruby, when Magoo lifts the veil]
- Mr. Magoo: So do I! Adios, amor. Nuevo nacho.
- [hugs and kisses Peru on the cheek]
- Mr. Magoo: It wouldn't last! I've never loved you!
- [after nearly missing Luanne, Magoo and Waldo find her plane ticket receipt]
- Waldo: This receipt is for Brazil. Why would she go to Brazil?
- Mr. Magoo: She's going to Peru.
- Waldo: She'd go to Brazil to go to Peru?
- Mr. Magoo: Exactly.
- Waldo: But why?
- Mr. Magoo: To get more for the ruby!
- Waldo: Peru?
- Mr. Magoo: Exactly.
- Waldo: But then why go to Brazil?
- Mr. Magoo: Peru is in Brazil.
- Waldo: Peru is in Brazil?
- Mr. Magoo: Ortega Peru is in Brazil.
- Waldo: Ortega Peru! Of course.
- Mr. Magoo: And that's why we're going to Brazil.
- [Luanne is holding Magoo at gunpoint for the Star of Kuristan]
- Waldo: Unc, watch out! She's got a gun.
- Mr. Magoo: Of course she has, Waldo! She's a federal agent.
- Waldo: She's not what you think!
- Mr. Magoo: Now, Waldo, you're talking about the woman who saved my life.
- Luanne: Yeah, well, nobody's perfect.
- Mr. Magoo: Oh, you can't tell me that yesterday meant nothing to you.
- [singing]
- Mr. Magoo: I am a Viking! A lusty, trusty Viking!
- Luanne: Yesterday sucked. And you kissed a carp.
- Mr. Magoo: [shocked] Prunella.
- Luanne: Give me the jewel!
- Mr. Magoo: [holding out the Star of Kuristan] This is all you ever wanted?
- Luanne: [as she gazes lustfully at the ruby, Magoo hands it over to her] You're a true gentleman, and there aren't many of those left. Too bad you had to go and get in my way.