Stormy Nights

I really hate it when people spout off about such and such a movie being "one of the worst of all time." Being someone who is a keen watcher of the terrible turkeys they show on TV I've compiled a list of attributes a movie must have to truly suck. (As you might have guessed, Stormy Nights fits all of them.)

1. Complete absence of plot, or if there is a plot one that makes you wish there wasn't one.

2. Absolutely no semblance of acting.

3. No music, or at least no music that fits.

4. Bad sound--the kind where no matter how you adjust your speakers it still sounds like feedback from a Henry Rollins Band concert.

5. Lack of any cinemotagrahpical techniques besides a a hackneyed close up or two.

6. Lighting that looks like the filmers just went with what was there.

7. Editing that makes "Momento" look like a tidy little story.

8. Lack of delivering what it advertises (in this case sex and suspense).

9. An overall feeling of suckage.

10. And most importantly the train wreck effect. The fact that you'll keep watching it, not because you think it might get better but because you want to see how bad it will get.

As I put above, Stormy Nights not only meets all of these prerequisites but served as a major inspiriation for most of them. Hence I pledge Stormy Nights should be delegated to the bottom rung of the bottom rung and called ONE OF THE WORST MOVIES OF ALL TIME.

Even when viewing this movie at 3:00 a.m. while searching for porn (so as you can guess my standards for film making where already lowered) this movie still came off as a joke puilled on the viewers.

It just goes to show, if you see a movie starring Shannon Tweed do not go view it. Sure she may have a nice body, but what one must go through to get to see it is not worth it.

John, a successful architect, is driving home to his pregnant wife during a heavy storm one night when he accidentally hits and kills a man with his car when the guy jumps right out into the road in front of him. Nicole, the alleged widow, is incredibly nice about the whole running over her husband thing, and before you know it she's moved in with John and his wife Jennifer while she waits for the insurance money to come through. So relieved is he that she doesn't plan to sue him, John laughs away Nicole's persistent attempts to seduce him, and fails to notice any connection between his wife's irritability and the pills that Nicole keeps feeding her. Full of incredibly rock headed characters, this story has several unintentional laughs stemming from bad writing and bad acting. In one especially ridiculous scene after he runs over the guy, John is given the third degree by two unreasonably hostile and suspicious cops who treat him like public enemy number one, all over what anyone can see was an unavoidable accident. There are more than a few plot holes, and the ending was just a bit too dark and depressing. In regards to the only real reason anyone would want to watch this: Yes, there were a few sexy scenes, but not really enough to redeem this movie.

American erotic thrillers are nearly all quite the same - some former porn actresses and b-movie stars are put together in a simple revenge/ crime/ femme fatal plot with some murders, double identities and lots of soft sex scenes with greasy music.

It's the same with "Stormy Nights", but at least the producers seemed to have some money left for a script. A man kills another man in a car accident. His widow Nicole moves in the murderer's house and starts to seduce him and his pregnant wife, and with a well-thought conspiracy she's taking revenge for her killed husband.

Although this plot is not new it really works here, and with a lot of dramatic and erotic scenes, a thrilling plot, some unexpected developments and the all-present sex appeal of main actress Tracy Spaulding (Nicole) makes "Stormy Nights" an outstanding late night thriller with a surprising end. The only bad thing are the very rough-looking, wrestler-type of male actors in many supporting roles that seemed being recruited in the next gym around the corner. But that's the only very cheap thing in this hot b-movie thriller. A nice movie with an even nicer Tracy Spaulding.

I liked this movie because it's about a couple who have a great life together until the husband hits a man on the side of the road and kills him. That's where his wife has to stay with the couple until she gets her insurance money. She turns out to be a seducer and tries and tries so hard to seduce the husband until she finally does. I liked this film. If you want a sexy movie this is it. Shannon Tweed is very good in this.