As an admirer of the naked female form, I often regret missing the Golden Age of burlesque. And one of the cleverest strategies in burlesque was the general consensus that the patrons actually became bored and restless watching hour after hour of strip acts. So the theater managers included comedy interludes, complete with comics in baggy pants, randy old coots in wheelchairs, sexy young things in abbreviated nurse outfits, handsome but bumbling heroes. (Sort of the same theory in building roller coasters or directing a horror film. Too much excitement finally just numbs the senses.)
The director of `The Naked Detective', consciously or not, copies the magic formula of burlesque. The only problem is that he seems to have gotten the proportions wrong. The nude scenes are impossibly brief and the comic interludes seemed to last forever. At first I thought it was just the old Theory of Relativity at work
a minute sitting in the dentist's chair seems like an hour, but an hour kissing your girlfriend seems like only a minute. Then I used the timer on my VCR, and clocked the naked detective at just under three minutes per scene and the clothed detective at fifteen to twenty minutes of interminably unfunny scenes.
I'm sure the director and cast liked the idea of making a movie with the heft and authority of a mainstream movie, telling anyone who will listen that there is actually more nudity in Kubrick's `Eyes Wide Shut'. Instead, we have a movie that aims for success with two different audiences and fails both. It's too sexy for the prime-time audience and not sexy enough for us late-night viewers. What is particularly sad is that we have two of the most luscious brunettes in the industry, Taylor St. Claire and Julia Parton, who keep their clothes on through too much of this movie. One of the earliest scenes, with Julia Parton wearing only a pair of red high heels and her killer grin, was over so quickly that I wondered if the movie had been edited for cable.
And of course, because `The Naked Detective' is a comedy, I knew that I would never see a scene with both Taylor and Julia, re-enacting the lost rites of the island of Lesbos. (Where is that rule written? That only `erotic thrillers' are allowed to have a girl-girl scene?) That point was emphasized even further when they were cast as the sexy young wife and sexy young daughter-in-law, adversaries for the deceased old coot's inheritance. What a wonderful opportunity lost.
Which really sums up the whole movie
lost opportunities and missed moments. Best viewed with extensive use of the fast forward button.
