Bubbles Galore

I have seen a lot of bad movies, but this is by far the worst I have seen. Horrible camera work, almost complete lack of plot and no sort of logical anchor at all, this movie painfully drags the viewer through an hour and a half of sex and mild violence without explaining anything. At the end of the movie the audience is left wondering what the heck happened, as the ending makes no sense and is just painful to watch as it is filmed with a bright but faded look to it, screeching drowning any dialogue attempted (not that any dialogue could have saved this movie, even at the beginning). Avoid this movie at all costs.

This is a film that has to be seen to be believed. Not only is it rather explicit at times, but the acting is poor, the story is practically incoherent, and the film is pretty much a mess. But even with all of these huge flaws, I almost liked this film. I mean, it is SO bad, that it is somewhat enjoyable, in a bizarre sort of way. If not for the thoroughly unappealing scenes with Annie Sprinkle, I might have even given this bomb a passing grade, as weird as it may sound. This is definitely not a film for most people, and it will probably offend almost everyone, but if you like seeing BAD movies, or if you like lots of female flesh, then perhaps this could be worth your time.

"Bubbles Galore" has got to be the most awful movie I've ever watched. On several occasions I was ready to leave the room, but I suffered through it. The movie may be labeled as a feminist sexual fantasy, but most feminists would probably shudder at the way woman are portrayed in this movie. "Bubbles Galore" presents a world where God is a hideous, sex-crazed exhibitionist who looks out for sex trade workers. There is virtually no plot at all -- the average full-fledged porn movie would have a better plot. Even though this is an XXX-spoof movie, the acting is still unjustifiably terrible and much of it was unwatchable. The overall style of film-making is misdirected and looks very unprofessional, even for a low-budget movie. "Bubbles Galore" is basically a very poorly made porn film without the hardcore content. I wouldn't recommend it to anyone, even for people interested in the subject matter. It is a pure waste of time, and for a movie that was partially funded by the federal government, it is a waste of money as well.

I consider myself to be a liberal person. I consider myself to be a feminist. I also consider myself to be a great fan of Canadian film. But after watching this movie, for a *split second* it made me reconsider all my previous sentiments.

For once, I agree with the Reform party for their stance against this film. But I agree for entirely different reasons. The furor that was raised shouldn't have revolved around the "pornographic" content of the film; the furor should've been over the fact that this film was simply AWFUL. I'd rather sit through repeated viewings of "Hot Dog... The Movie" than ever subject myself to Bubbles Galore again.

Where exactly were the feminist ideals? The empowering message supposedly directed to women? The fact that Bubbles ran her own company? The fact that "God" was played by a woman? Was that it? Gee, I must've been distracted by the violent assault scenes, and Daniel MacIvor's grotesque prosthetic at the time...

And where exactly was the $320,000 (Cdn) spent on, in the film? It certainly wasn't on the production values. And it certainly wasn't on the badly-needed acting lessons needed for Ms. Hartley, et al. (Your lack of dramatic adeptness may well be forgiven in your usual skin flicks ladies, but it certainly didn't get you anywhere in this film...) For less than half the money, Canadian skin-auteur Bruce La Bruce would've been able to pull a film out of his hat which would've been ten times more clever and engaging. If the film makers were trying to re-capture the ambiance and depth of an old John C. Holmes flick, they certainly did a good job of it.

One of the more baffling things I found was the appearance of Canadian mainstays Tracy Wright, Daniel MacIvor, and film maker Peter Lynch in this film. They made the best of their roles, but the horrible script and dialogue was just too overwhelming. I was embarrassed to watch them, and I was embarrassed *for* them.

If you want to watch a really great little (Canadian) film about the porn scene, try to get your hands on a copy of Don McKellar's 1992 short film "Blue". The film takes a glimpse into the life of a porn addict (played wonderfully by famed director David Cronenberg). It's clever, engaging, funny, and totally worth your viewing time.

If you're the type who hasn't been desensitized to the representation and language of porn flicks, I strongly urge you not to waste your time watching Bubble Galore. It's not for everyone (say, 99% of the viewing public). As my friend had put it, she was left "traumatized" by the whole spectacle, and I really don't blame her. If you're the type who considers themselves to be a serious film fan, I also strongly urge you not to bother watching either. You'll be left infuriated, and feel a strong inclination to submit scathing critiques of the film to internet movie databases.

If you hear cheesy porn music and giggle, or crack a pizza boy joke every now and then, then this movie will probably make you laugh.

Don't look for plot, or acting ability, or anything that would generally make a movie good. Because this isn't a good movie. It's a stupidly funny semi-porn. If you can laugh at that, then it's worth watching. If you need it to be obviously funny, then you should watch Orgazmo and call it a night.

Consider that it's about a porn star's guardian angel. And that it's dedicated "To Working Girls Everywhere". And that it takes all of the stereotypes from porno and fills them full of fake body parts and even faker actors. Enjoying this movie requires an ability to laugh at absurdity, even if you think that maybe, just maybe, this was a serious attempt at some serious topic that you just can't grasp (there's no way it is, anyway).