Steve Harvey credited as playing...
- Steve: Regina, Lovita... you gotta help me with my niece. She just don't act like a normal teenager. She don't talk back, she don't roll her eyes... the poor girl thinks that Snoop Doggy Dog is Charlie Brown's pet!
- Steve: Lemme tell you, I would put hot sauce on my ears and fight Tyson for that girl.
- [to Romeo]
- Steve: Boy, you better watch your tone of voice with me! This ain't Michelle Pfeiffer you're talking to.
- [a student has lost weight]
- Steve: Damn, girl! You look like Luther two albums ago.
- Steve: Lovita, please. You in the kitchen is like a black man in a horror film - - somebody gonna die!
- [Cedric is dressed in a gold tuxedo]
- Steve: Ced, you look like an Oscar from Compton!
- Steve: I haven't seen this much food since I was backstage at an Aretha Franklin concert.
- Bullethead: I'm sorry, my religion does not allow me to work on the sabbath.
- Steve: The sabbath, for you, is on a wednesday? Boy, your ignorance is dazzling.
- Bullethead: Thank you.
- Steve: Lovita, you want raffle tickets? In English, "no"; In Spanish, "no"; in Russian, "nyet", and in Ebonics, HECK no!
- Steve: You simple crash test dummy.
- [Regina is wearing a neckbrace and walking on crutches]
- Steve: Regina, you look like an extra in "E.R.".
- Steve: Ced, when I see that woman, I'm like Shaq doing Shakespeare - I just don't know how to act!
- Steve: This boy thinks that Hamlet is something you order with home fries and toast.
- Steve: Regina, I teach six classes, three different subjects, I got study hall and a room full of teenagers with their hormones just ragin'. Couple of them are hotter than a Porsche in the projects.
- Bullethead: Hey guys, let's get going. I gotta meet my date!
- Steve: A date?
- Romeo: Yeah. I'm as shocked as you are, Mr. Hightower, but it's true! Bullethead's got a chickenhead!
- Steve: Your checks do more bouncing than Nell Carter on a pogo stick.
- Regina: Steve, can I see you for a moment?
- Steve: [chuckles] Ya know, if I had a nickel for every time a woman approached me with that question...
- Regina: [continues] You'd have twelve minutes on a parking meter.
- Steve: Well, how's it going, Eryka Ba-Don't?
- Regina: Ok, I will admit that I did freeze up a little on stage.
- Steve: A little? Girl, you froze up like a homeless Eskimo.
- [at studio with Teddy Riley]
- Romeo: [on phone] Miss Jenkins, I'm at the studio with Teddy Riley right now.
- Lovita: [sarcastically] Sure, Romeo... and me and Barry White are here trading perm secrets.
- Steve: [talking to himself] I just hope they don't ask that boy to read.
- Steve: I'm gonna work you boys harder than a beeper in the projects.
