- Awesome Beach Girl: Jack, get lost.
- Jack: Well, I am lost and my name is Jack; but, if you could just...
- Awesome Beach Girl: Jack! Get away from me and my tits! You creep!
- Tammy Joe: Don't get on Rita's case. You're the one that left the edible bikinis in the beach shack where they all melted.
- Jack: Uncle Elmer, there's ladies in the - there who are...
- Uncle Elmer: Alright, alright, let me just tell you about the van. It's full of strippers.
- Jack: But, but, but, but, but... but... but...
- Uncle Elmer: Yeah, that's a butt. Yeah, you got it kid.
- [first lines]
- Jack: Excuse me, Mr. Surfrider, sir. Yeah, could you tell me where the Sunshine Carwash is? Sir?
- Melissa: Listen, all of you thought we'd make a fortune on edible swimwear too. They sell like condoms in Europe.
- Radio DJ: Alright, it's coming upon 11 o'clock and thats time to play: Name the Flasher! Who's the freaker in the panty hose?
- Radio DJ: Finally, this morning, our very own District Attorney, A.B. Quinn, kicked off his reelection bid yesterday, urging all citizens to join him in his latest drive to rid our city of - smut.
- Bobbie Canova: That's Ms. M - S period. Don't give me that Miss shit; because, I don't miss anything and don't you forget it.
- Bobbie Canova: Why was the bulldog here about to make an arrest?
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: Well, the broad was neked.
- Bobbie Canova: Neked? I assume that's some moronic derivative of nude?
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: Well, she didn't - I mean, everybody saw 'em.
- Bobbie Canova: Everybody saw what?
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: Well, you know, her - well, her hooters!
- Donovan: Her breasts. Her breasts were exposed. Totally!
- Bobbie Canova: Could either of you describe these breasts?
- Donovan: Sure.
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: Yeah. They were standin' up.
- Donovan: Yeah, they were, you know, bouncin'...
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: And salutin'...
- Donovan: And had nipples...
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: And pointin' up down there.
- Bobbie Canova: Now, let me get this straight. Junior indicates that he saw a D. While you, Sergeant, saw at least an F. Were you both imagining these breasts? And if they were exposed, could it be that they were exposed by accident? Like your open fly!
- Donovan: Where are your fire extinguishers? Do you realize those vacuum cleaners are sucking much too loud?
- Sergeant Shag Sutton: City Ordinance 10-69.
- Donovan: Look at the improperness of your attire, young lady.
- Bobbie Canova: What's your name, kid?
- Jack: Jack. Jack McGowan.
- Bobbie Canova: Good Irish name.
- Jack: It's actually Scottish.
- Bobbie Canova: This isn't the end of your troubles; so, cool it with the nakedness until I can talk to the judge.