- The Pope: [as Carmelengo is lowering the triple crown onto his head] You've got the wrong guy!
- Carmelengo: They all say that.
- Vittorio Corelli: Naturally, the first thing I want to know is, why our trusted silver-haired friend Father Albini is not at this moment cultivating our long-term business relationship BY RESTING HIS ASS ON THE VATICAN THRONE.
- US News Reporter: [broadcasting from St Peter's Square] The Pope's dead, and that's the big news story here in Rome today. We're gonna see him get buried, live on CNN, right after these messages.
- Vittorio Corelli: I want him to know it was me who killed him. I don't want him to die thinking it was just... bad luck.
- The Pope: You're fired! Defrocked. Call it what you like. You're out!
- Cardinal Rocco: Do you know who I am? I'm Cardinal Rocco! You're lucky you're being fed here!
- Cardinal Rocco: [Dying from gunshot wound] Women!
- [gasp]
- Cardinal Rocco: You can't live with 'em,
- [gasp]
- Cardinal Rocco: and ya...
- [dies]