Virus vampire

While this film has an interesting premise, Allen Moyle's script can't get anything worthwhile out of it. Said premise is that experiments with kuru have caused the spread of a scientific form of vampirism. Kuru is an actual disease that is transmitted when cannibal warriors eat the infected brains of their opponents. Perhaps if the script had been rewritten, it would have been a good film, as all of the cast are very strong and try to make the material they've been given better than it is, except for Christopher Plummer, who knows full well he is in drivel and too arrogant to care about doing his best. I felt a similar way about Ridley Scott's _Gladiator_, in which Oliver Reed gives a lackluster final performance in a drivel film with strong, albeit stylized, acting. The film is a mix of '90s slickness and '80s sleaze comedy. Because the actors are freewheeling and unwilling to let their craft be hampered by poor material, the film never stops being interesting, and leaves you feeling sorry for the actors, except for Plummer, whose boredom is infectious.

This is the sort of film that should be remade--one that had a lot going for it, including wonderful production design be Ian Brock--but since part of what makes it strong are the efforts of the actors, who have aged over a decade, there really isn't much point, particularly since all that ever get remade are films that were done right the first time. If it were remade, of course, the script should be thrown in the dust bin so someone with talent could write a good script using the same idea.

Like Scott's _Gladiator_, in which Joaquin Phoenix's Commodus is akin to Andrew Jackson's Donald here, this made it to my worst films of all time, but both films have similar redeeming values that make them of marginal interest. _Gladiator_ should have ended up only as well known as this one, not a Best Picture winner--they're very much on par. If you liked _Gladiator_ for any reason other than fandom for one of the stars, then I would recommend this picture wholeheartedly, even if you're not into horror/SF combinations. They're both worth a 4, but _Gladiator_ gets marked down a point in my book because it was so expensive (the cheaper a film is, the easier it is to forgive its flaws, particularly if acting isn't one of them--good actors can be found at any price) and so overpraised.

Dennis (Kim Coates) drugs a woman and drinks her blood. Dr. John Alcore (Christopher Plummer) recruits for his life extension project, a drug designer Owen Augustus Urban III (Andrew Stevens) who created ecstasy. Dennis introduces Owen to the lab where Paula Bukowsky (Heather Thomas) is a willing test subject. It turns out to be a vampire virus.

99% of this is completely forgettable. It's no wonder. Andrew Stevens and Heather Thomas are lesser actors who do not have much range. She struggles to vamp it up as required by the story. Kim Coates is always good for a villain but his most memorable scene happens right at the beginning. The opening scene of a beautiful naked woman lounging while he shows off his bare butt. I can't forget that even after thirty years. The rest is a forgettable uninspired grind.

...and a really bad one! Man, I should have know that this movie was going to suck solely because of the fact that Andrew Stevens was in it. The man simply can't do any better than to "act" in those zillion erotic thrillers, B-movie style, he already starred in. As a matter of fact, RED BLOODED American GIRL looks and feels exactly like one of those movies. And this is supposed to be horror? Come on! There's no suspense, no thrills, no scary moments, no gore or bloodshed.

Still, there are two good things about this movie. I must say the initial idea (looking at vampirism as a virus that is passed from human to human by a bite, eating infected meat or a blood transfusion) was pretty interesting. Second good thing was the opening-shot: a top-shot of a beautiful babe lying on a bed with her boobies naked. So those two elements made me think that this movie might not be all that bad. But, unfortunately, after about twenty minutes all goes downhill fast and hits the sewers rapidly, only to never emerge from them.

Andrew Stevens (with glasses) plays Owen, a young scientist (can you believe that?) who receives an invitation he can not refuse. Dr. John Alcore (Christopher Plummer) asks him to come work at his (clandestine) facility. Turns out he's infected with the vampire-virus and in desperate need for a cure. Owen agrees, meets Paula at the facility, and falls in love with her. Paula gets infected too, escapes and flees into the city with a craving for blood. Maybe this all sounds interesting, but please, forget about it. This movie is just boring and laughably bad.

In the facility work only five men or so. Their fitness-monitoring room has only one home-trainer. The sets look cheap. Christopher Plummer is completely wasted on this movie and he doesn't seem to care he's in a pile of drivel. Andrew Stevens (with glasses!!!) is laughable and unbelievable as a scientist. He has a round-shaped king-size bed (with heavenly white sheets) in his working-room/laboratory (!) for the sole purpose of having sex in it. He has a normal bed upstairs in his room too, which is supposedly used to sleep in. And Heather Thomas (as Paula) looks like she might have (wrongfully) had ambition to become playmate of the year, but sadly got rejected or something and thereby had to star in an Andrew Stevens-movie. She can't really act (except for making funny faces when she's in need for blood) and looks really ugly when she has make-up on (that scene in the padded cell!). The scene where she was dancing in the kitchen to a ridiculous 80's song was plain idiotic.

So, yes, one might actually laugh a few times when seeing this movie, but it will definitely not be because of the very few attempts at comedy this movie makes. Those few so-called funny lines by some actors are totally misplaced... or maybe not, since this movie is laughably bad. But anyway, the little comedy in it, doesn't work. And then there's the fact that you just know that Owen and Paula will have their sex-scene in this movie (after all, this is an Andrew Stevens movie). But it doesn't happen for ages. And near the end of the movie it seemed like the director suddenly realized that he still had no sex-scene for the movie. So it is gratuitously presented to the viewer. Very funny that was. But perhaps the worst thing of this movie was the ending/conclusion. That was one of the lamest endings I've ever seen. Really, I'm not kidding, it was that bad and disappointing.

One crazy man here... ehrr, sorry, let me re-phrase that: one fellow-commentator here on IMDb actually claims that RED BLOODED American GIRL is on par with Ridley Scott's GLADIATOR and that RBAG even has more redeeming qualities! That's completely insane... impossible... I'm speechless. As much as I am not a big fan of GLADIATOR, I simply can not agree with that statement. Oh, well, to hell with it. This review is a warning for myself and for everybody else: stay away from movies that star Andrew Stevens in a leading roll!

My review was written in September 1990 after watching the film on Prism video cassette.

Canada fights back with the anti-Yankee horror pic "Red Blooded American Girl". Imaginative vampire pic should please most genre video fans.

Heather Thomas is well-cast in the title role, a volunteer at sinister Christopher Plummer's research clinic who becomes infected with an experimental blood disease that turns her into a vampire. Actress has a field day alternating seductiveness with mayhem.

Andrew Stevens, fast becoming a regular in these sexy video thriller, is unconvincingly cast as a genetic genius hired by Plummer ostensibly for AIDS research. Instead, he's part of a scheme to prolong the lifespan toward immortality.

Pic benefits from a clever script by Allan Moyle.

Red Blooded American Girl's best moment is its opening aerial shot of stunning French beauty Lydie Denier lying on a bed wearing just her panties, stockings and suspenders - the only way from there is down.

Sadly, Denier isn't in the film very much: the 'red blooded American girl' of the title is none other than Fall Guy babe Heather Thomas, who plays Paula, a volunteer at the Life Reach institute, where scientists are searching for a cure for AIDs. Andrew Stevens plays cavalier drug designer Owen Augustus Urban III, who is hired by Dr. John Alcore (Christopher Plummer) to help with the research, and who immediately takes a fancy to Paula.

Convinced that something isn't quite right at the lab, Owen and Paula sneak into the building after dark to satisfy their curiosity; opening the door to a padded cell, they discover Denier, who jumps up and bites Paula on the leg. Soon after, Paula begins to exhibit strange behaviour. Owen examines her and discovers that she has been infected with a virus - one that has given her a craving for blood! It transpires that Alcore and his chums are actually looking for an answer to the virus that has turned them into bloodsuckers!

For some strange reason, this 'vampire virus' makes it look as though Paula has emptied three cans of lacquer on her hair and has been taking make-up tips from Dee Snider; she also takes up juggling with a steak knife while wearing silky red jim-jams! Paula then escapes into the night to satisfy her hunger (choosing to snack on the wimpiest guy in a Gold's Gym), leaving Owen to try and cook up a cure for her. Which he does.

To counter the virus, he connects his own blood supply to Paula's, introducing his antidote into the mix. This course of treatment removes all trace of hairspray and clown make-up, leaving Paula fresh-faced and gagging for sex, so Owen obligingly shares another one of his bodily fluids with her! Soon after, Plummer and a gun-toting henchman sneak into Owen's apartment, and leave happily clutching their cure.

Terrible dialogue, uninspired direction, and lame performances make Red Blooded American Girl a woeful experience. Stevens is wooden throughout, while Thomas's performance is quite frankly bizarre, the 'actress' using a range of contorted facial expressions to (unsuccessfully) convey the horror of her predicament. Plummer, who is far better than this nonsense, hams it up a treat and happily pockets his pay check. Sons of Anarchy star Kim Coates also appears in a supporting role that he would probably rather forget, in one scene rubbing himself up and down with a blood bag while taking a bubble bath! It's a living, I suppose.

3.5/10, rounded up to 4 for Denier's brief but impressive opening scene.