Cher credited as playing...
Mrs. Flax
- Rachel Flax: Charlotte, I know you're planning a celibate life, but with half my chromosomes, I think that might be tough.
- Rachel Flax: [to Charlotte as she goes out to spend time with Joe] Don't do anything I wouldn't do...
- [pause]
- Rachel Flax: Or don't do anything I would!
- Charlotte Flax: I want to stay!
- Rachel Flax: And do what?
- Charlotte Flax: Finish high school!
- Rachel Flax: Great start! What's your major, town tramp?
- Charlotte Flax: No, Mom, the town already has one.
- [Rachel slaps her]
- Rachel Flax: Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal?
- Charlotte Flax: Deal!
- [Charlotte is praying at a shrine she has made in her room to the Virgin Mary]
- Rachel Flax: Charlotte, we're Jewish.
- Lou Landsky: If you care about us, would it kill you to show it?
- Rachel Flax: "Us"? When did YOU and *my* children become "us"? You're just YOU, Lou - me and the girls, THAT'S "us"!
- Lou Landsky: I was talking about you and me.
- Lou Landsky: [Reacting to an odd smile from Rachel as they lay in bed together] What?
- Rachel Flax: You're a sexy guy.
- Lou Landsky: Do you have to sound surprised when you say that?
- Rachel Flax: I *am* surprised.
- Rachel Flax: You know, Charlotte, I think you might be old enough for a boyfriend now.
- Charlotte Flax: If I'm old enough, maybe you're too old.
- Rachel Flax: Don't be ridiculous. A real woman is never too old.
- Rachel Flax: Who's that?
- Charlotte Flax: That's Mr. Crane, my history teacher, and he is very nice.
- Rachel Flax: *He* is an asshole.
- Charlotte Flax: You haven't even spoken to him yet!
- Rachel Flax: Charlotte, I don't need to speak to him. He's driving an Edsel, for Christ's sake.
- Kate Flax: When I die, I want to be sprinkled in the ocean. I don't care if a whale eats me. I could live inside a whale like Jonah with an angel guard.
- Rachel Flax: Girls...
- Charlotte Flax: Yeah, well, what if you get a whale that doesn't have a living room inside him and you end up in someone's tuna fish sandwich?
- Rachel Flax: I'm never growing old.
- Lou Landsky: Well, time catches up. What can you do?
- Rachel Flax: Keep moving.
- Rachel Flax: [after another of Charlotte's criticisms] Ooh, we're going to play my favorite game - Who's the worst mother in the world? Ooh, now, don't tell me, let me guess, who could it be? Could it be... ME?
- Rachel Flax: OK, how do I look?
- Charlotte Flax: Like a woman about to go forth in sin.
- Rachel Flax: Oh, good, exactly the look I was hoping for.
- Rachel Flax: [wearing a mermaid costume] You know, if I were to have had this costume when you guys were little, I would have done my ironing and all your diapers in it.
- Kate Flax: Oklahoma was great. I liked living there.
- Rachel Flax: Yeah, I know, and you'll love living here when you get used to it.
- Charlotte Flax: Yeah, and when you get used to it, we'll move and everything'll change again.
- Rachel Flax: Charlotte, you drive like old people make love.
- Charlotte Flax: Mom, I'm only 15. I get nervous.
- Rachel Flax: Driving happens to be one of the two most important skills a woman could have. You should be tickled pink that I taught you early.
- Rachel Flax: [wearing a mermaid costume for the New Year's Eve party] All right, I can tell by my mermaid watch that it's time for me to get in my mermaid car and hit the mermaid road!
- Kate Flax: And get the mermaid outta here!