Quotes

Life Is Sweet

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[Natalie and Nicola ponder having children]
Natalie: Well, I wouldn't fancy bringing one up on me own.
Nicola: It's better to be on your own than be with a bastard.
Natalie: Well, presumably you wouldn't *choose* a bastard in the first place if you had any sense!
Nicola: All men are bastards!
Natalie: *What*?
Nicola: They're all potential rapists!
Natalie: That's a bit sweeping!
Nicola: All men have got the ability to rape.
Natalie: Well they don't all do it, do they!
Nicola: But they've got the ability; they've got the desire.
Natalie: That's paranoid rubbish!
Nicola: What d'you know about paranoia?
Natalie: Well, not half as much as you do, I'll give you that.

Wendy: Get in that toilet and do a wee. Blimey, look. This is the seat. I don't want me carpet all soaking wet. And close the door! You've got two daughters! What's a matter with ya?
Andy: That's what's a matter with me. I've got two daughters

Patsy: [in a pub after a few beers] Far as I'm concerned, football died, the day Arsenal won the double.
Andy: That's right, yeah.
Patsy: What was they? Work horses.
Andy: Boring buggers, ain't they.
Patsy: Well the Spurs double team? They was artists.
Andy: They was artists.
Patsy: 21 quid a week they got. Can you imagine? What do they get today? Millions.
Andy: And they got their back handers on top of that ain't they.
Patsy: Poncing round the penalty area with their handbags.
Andy: Prima donnas.
Patsy: "Oh, he kicked a me, Ref."
Andy: Brown, Baker, Henry,
[both]
Andy: Blanchflower
Patsy: Yeah, Danny boy.
Andy: Yeah.
Patsy: He was the architect of the modern game, y'know.
Andy: That's right, yeah.
Patsy: Norman, Mackay, Jones, White, Smith, Allen,
[both]
Patsy: Dyson.
Andy: Yeah, come on you Spurs.
Patsy: John White, what a player, eh.
Andy: Yeah.
Patsy: I used to have a little picture of him on my wall, ringed in black.
Patsy: Tragic. What a way to go.
Andy: Struck by lightening.
Patsy: On a golf course.
Andy: What a waste, eh. You want another?

Nicola's Lover: I want to see you nice.
Nicola: Well what's nice? it's only a boring cliche.
Nicola's Lover: No, nice. Nice. Show me a bit of civility, a bit of respect.
Nicola: You don't show me no respect!
Nicola's Lover: I'm trying to respect you now. Trying to treat you like a real person Instead of some fucking - shag bag.

Nicola: Stop being antagonistic.
Nicola's Lover: I'm not being antagonistic. I'm trying to have an intelligent conversation with you. Are you capable of that? Eh? I don't think you are, are you? Really. Bit vacant, aint ya? Bit of an air-head. Nothing going on. Bit dumb. Bit dizzy. Dimbo, bimbo. Dumb blondster, ain't ya? Eh, hello. Anyone at home? Hello? Hello? You're a fake.
Nicola: I am intelligent.

Patsy: Alight, girls.
Nicola: 'ello boys.

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Classic nose.

Wendy: [to Nicola] We don't hate you! We bloody love you, you stupid girl!

Natalie: See, you want to be with us. So why don't you just act normal?

Nicola: You'll find out when you get to America.
Natalie: I'm only going on a holiday.
Nicola: So?
Natalie: What? You think I'm going to get yanked off the plane at John F. Kennedy airport and be raped and pillaged do ya?
Nicola: You've got to be on your guard.
Natalie: Did you hear what I just said?
Nicola: What?
Natalie: Yanked. Get it?
Nicola: What?
Natalie: Yanked! America!

Nicola: Middle class wanker!

Andy: Tell you, you want to watch out for Aubrey in that kitchen. He'll come up behind you with a cucumber.
Wendy: [laughs] Listen, I don't think it'll be a cucumber he'll be coming up behind me with.

Nicola: I'm not prepared to be exploited!
Wendy: Exploited? You're not prepared to work. Full stop.

Nicola: I'm not going to waste my life.
Andy: No? What're you doing now then? Contributing a great deal aren't you sitting around on your arse all day.
Nicola: Yeah, well I'm thinking about it.
Andy: Oh yeah thinking about it that's the easy bit isn't it? Anyone can do that. It's doing it that's difficult.

Wendy: If you smoked less and you ate more you wouldn't be sitting there looking like a skeleton.
Nicola: It's better than looking like a beached whale.
Wendy: Oh, thank you. Anyway your Dad likes something to grab hold of over the night.
Nicola: What? Blubber?
Wendy: No. Me little love handles. We got a set each ain't we, Andy?
Nicola: Oh, you're disgusting!

Wendy: You can't rush him.
Natalie: Yeah, he's happy going at that speed, isn't he?
Wendy: Yeah, dead slow and stop.

Wendy: I tell you what though, I wouldn't trust him.
Natalie: I wouldn't trust anyone wearing a suit like that.
Wendy: They cost about 300 quid them suits y'know.
Natalie: What does he do anyway?
Wendy: He don't do anything. He's unemployed.

Wendy: Oh, Andy, you're just a big softy, you are.

Nicola: Sexist pig!

Paula: I want to go for a fag.

Nicola: I don't want friends. They disappoint you.

Andy: Take my word for it - that is an evil spoon.

[last lines]
Natalie: Do you want some money?

[repeated line]
Nicola: Bollocks!

Wendy: Stretch right up like you're stretching for sweets on the top shelf.

Nicola: Fascist!

Patsy: Sorry to bother you on a Sunday like but, eh, I was wondering if Andy was in?
Andy: Yeah.
Patsy: Only I was hoping to catch him down in the boozer like but I got a bit held up.

Wendy: Cut me a nice big juicy slice. You know that I like mine nice and juicy.

Nicola: It's ecologically unsound!
Andy: You're ecologically unsound.

Wendy: Why didn't you tell me Aubrey was here? You knew I was sitting out the back.
Nicola: No, I never.
Wendy: Yes, you did.
Nicola: Are you calling me a liar?
Wendy: Yes I am calling you a liar.
Nicola: I thought you had gone for a walk.
Wendy: Don't be so stupid. I've never been for a walk in me life. Have I?

Wendy: Where're you taking him Patsy?
Patsy: Don't worry Wendy. A little magical mystery tour.

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's alright by me if they don't want to eat. They can bask in the atmosphere.
Wendy: Oh, blimey, you're not going to make much profit that way Aubrey.

Nicola: You're behaving like a big kid!
Andy: Don't be cheeky.

Nicola: Selfish pig!

Nicola: Disgusting!

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: [singing] No, No regrets, No, No regret rien
Wendy: [talking] Oh, yeah, that's what I remember, yeah.
Nicola: She sang it in French!
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Yeah, she was from France.
Nicola: She was thin.
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: She was thin, she was French.
Wendy: She's dead though, isn't she?
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Yeah, she was a prostitute.
Nicola: So!
Natalie: Shut up.
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: The sparrow.
Wendy: Yeah, the little sparrow, that's right, yeah.

Natalie: Come on, get in.
Wendy: What? Can't get it in the hole?
[laughs]

Patsy: I promise you Andy, you go down White Hart Lane on a Saturday for the home games, a man of your skills, a couple of hundred beef burgers, you'll make a fortune. I'm telling you. "Excuse me guvnor, I'll have 4 hamburgers, 3 egg burgers, a sausage roll and onion, a bacon egg and cheese roll, a tea, a bovril, and a large vodka." Sold to the man with the beard!

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's alright Andy, Wendy. Everything's hunky dory. Cool. I'm in complete control. If ever I see her again I'll stick a knife in her guts. I'll slice her face off, y'know.

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: To be totally honest, Andy, I think Wendy will be a natural, y'know. She's got such grace and charm.
Wendy: Thank you, Aubrey.
Andy: Excuse me are we talking about the same girl?
Wendy: [laughs] Don't be rotten.

Andy: Where's she going?
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: Flipping Prague!
Wendy: Awww, that's not right.
Andy: No, that's not on, mate.
Wendy: No, sorry.
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's great, isn't it? You give someone a break, a chance to better themselves, an opportunity to enter into a brave new venture, and what do they do? Piss off to Poland!
Wendy: Well, that's typical Aussie isn't it? Travelers.
Andy: Students.
Wendy: It's Czechoslovakia isn't it, Prague?
Andy: Yeah, is it?

Wendy: Now, listen, you're in trouble, right? And I'm helping you out. 'Cause that's what friends are for. That's right, isn't it Andy?
Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: It's it's amazing!
Andy: But you haven't even done bar work Wendy, let's be honest.
Wendy: No, but I'm confident. I can have a go.
Andy: Let's face it, have you ever been a waitress?
Wendy: No.
Andy: No.
Wendy: But, I've been waiting on you all these years haven't I? So?

Aubrey, Regret Rien Owner: I achieved this effect by, eh, gently, easing, teasing and squeezing.
Wendy: Oh don't be so dirty!
[laughs]