Mary-Kate Olsen credited as playing...
Kelly Farmer • Young Aunt Sofia
- Kelly Farmer: Remember when fairy tales used to keep me awake?
- Lynn Farmer: Yeah.
- Kelly Farmer: Well, if we get out of this I'll be awake until I'm 21!
- Kelly Farmer: [Gravedigger sees Norman the dog and screams] He won't hurt you.
- Gravedigger: Who said that?
- Kelly Farmer: Me.
- Gravedigger: Oh.
- Lynn Farmer: Yeah, that's just Norman, he wouldn't hurt anybody.
- Gravedigger: But... you were over there!
- Kelly Farmer: No, that was me.
- Gravedigger: [Screams] You're at two places at the same time!
- Lynn Farmer: We're twins, silly.
- Gravedigger: Oh... ohh... twins! Oh, twins!
- Kelly Farmer: Do you drink a lot of coffee?
- Lynn Farmer: You might want to switch to decaf.
- Aunt Agatha: Faster, faster! We're almost there. Then I'll throw you into the mirror, too. You'll never see your parents again or that mangy mutt of yours.
- Kelly Farmer: You are so cranky! Get a life!
- Mr. N: [while traveling in a pumpkin truck, Lynn notices something wrong and wakes up Mr. N] He's turned off the road we need to be on! No! No! You're going the wrong way! We've got to get off.
- Kelly Farmer: Not until he stops!
- Lynn Farmer: No way!
- Kelly Farmer, Lynn Farmer: [Mr. N gets up; the twins lean towards each other, together] Way!
- Mr. N: [Appears in front of the driver's window] Excuse me, dude... Whew!
- Kelly Farmer: [Kelly and Lynn begin their adventure to rescue Aunt Sofia] Where do you have a witches' gathering?
- Lynn Farmer: Hollywood?
- Kelly Farmer: Nah. Someplace spooky. Maybe we can find someone who knows. I'll toss a penny. If it comes up heads, we'll keep going in that direction.
- [Kelly tosses up the penny, but it goes over the bridge hitting someone]
- Mr. N: Hey! You could kill somebody like that! Unless, of course, it was a silver dollar. Then you'd be forgiven. Ha ha ha.
- [Walks under the bridge]
- Kelly Farmer: Where's he going?
- Lynn Farmer: Under the bridge.
- [the twins cross to the other side of the bridge]
- Lynn Farmer: What are you doing down there?
- Mr. N: This is my... humble home. Heh heh heh.
- Kelly Farmer: If you had a door, we would've knocked first!
- Lynn Farmer: Ha ha. If you're homeless, there's a new place downtown that can help you! I saw it on the news!
- Mr. N: Who are you two supposed to be? Dear Abby and Ann Landers? Ha ha. I... don't want a handout. I want to be rich. No! Not just rich. I want to be... filthy rich! Ha ha ha ha ha.
- Kelly Farmer, Lynn Farmer: [laughing together] Hee hee hee.
- Mr. N: Ramone, bring the Ferrari around. I think I'll drive myself today. Ho ho ho! Lots of money and wonderful things. I want planes and houses, a house on the islands. I need... new shoes. Yes! Yes!
- [Stops for a moment]
- Mr. N: Wait a minute... blonde. Two young blonde... oh, yes! I think I remember.
- Aunt Agatha: [Aunt Agatha, George and Kelly arrive at the mansion] I have Lynn!
- Kelly Farmer: I'm Kelly!
- Aunt Agatha: Oh, whoever. I have your sister! If you care about her, you'll give yourself up now!
- Kelly Farmer: Don't do it!
- Aunt Agatha: Gag her with a rune!
- Mr. N: Caw! What a witch.
- Mr. N: [Lynn makes a last stand towards Aunt Agatha] Be careful, Lynn.
- Aunt Agatha: You're wearing my moonstone. Give it to me. I'll turn you into a snail.
- Lynn Farmer: Not! You can't hurt me as long as I'm wearing the moonstone
- Aunt Agatha: Sofia's been blabbing, has she? Look, dear, you and I don't have to be enemies huh? Do we?
- Lynn Farmer: No, we don't. If you let Kelly go, and Aunt Sofia...
- Aunt Agatha: Wait wait wait wait. I have a better idea. I know you're different from your sister. You're... You're special.
- Lynn Farmer: What do you mean?
- Aunt Agatha: Well, I mean you're tired of being a twin, aren't you?
- Lynn Farmer: Yeah. But...
- Aunt Agatha: Oh. I know what that's like, dear, having to share everything, or having people get you all mixed up together.
- Lynn Farmer: Well...
- Aunt Agatha: You and I could possess the moonstone together.
- Lynn Farmer: [Looks over to Kelly, who's currently being held by George] But what about Kelly?
- Aunt Agatha: Oh, all she does is get in the way. We'll put her with Aunt Sofia on the other side of the mirror. And then you won't be a twin anymore, think of it! Ha ha ha!
- Lynn Farmer: [Thinks for 10 seconds] No!
- Oscar: That's telling her!
- Gravedigger: Yeah!
- Aunt Agatha: I tried to be nice!
- Kelly Farmer: That'll be the day.
- Aunt Agatha: [to Kelly] Quiet!
- [George covers Kelly's mouth with his hand]
- Aunt Agatha: George, didn't I try to be nice?
- [George nods]
- Aunt Agatha: But no more Mr. Nice Guy! I can't cast a spell on you. But your sister isn't wearing the moonstone.
- Lynn Farmer: Don't turn her into anything! Don't hurt her!
- Aunt Agatha: I'll offer you a straight exchange.
- [Kelly bites George's hand]
- Aunt Agatha: If you give me the moonstone, I'll let both of you go.
- Kelly Farmer: [George struggles to keep Kelly quiet] Don't do it, Lynn! She's a liar!
- Aunt Agatha: It's your choice, Lynn! George, bring Kelly closer so I can start saying a spell.
- Lynn Farmer: No! I'll do it. But you have to promise to let everyone go.
- Mr. N: Me too!
- Lynn Farmer: And turn Mr. N back into a person.
- Aunt Agatha: All right. I promise.
- Lynn Farmer: Cross your heart.
- Aunt Agatha: Cross my heart.
- Lynn Farmer: Hope to die.
- Aunt Agatha: Hope to die.
- Lynn Farmer: Stick a needle in your eye,
- [Shakes]
- Lynn Farmer: Shake your bottom if you got 'em.
- Aunt Agatha: Stick a needle in your bottom... Oh, just hand it over!
- Lynn Farmer: First let Kelly go.
- Aunt Agatha: First hand it over.
- Lynn Farmer: You go first.
- Aunt Agatha: You go first.
- Lynn Farmer: You go first.
- Aunt Agatha: You go first. Oh, for goodness sake! Just put the moonstone down here on the floor! George, when the moonstone is on the floor, let that Kelly girl go. And then I'll turn back Mr. N and then we'll call it a night.
- Oscar: [Hiding from Aunt Agatha and her mob] I got it. Who wants to take care of it?
- Mr. N: Well, why don't I take it?
- Oscar: Why you?
- Mr. N: I'm the biggest.
- Oscar: I don't think so. How will we know you're not gonna run off with it?
- Mr. N: Oscar, no trust. That is what is wrong with the world today. Anyway, how do we know that YOU won't run off with it?
- Lynn Farmer: Will you two cut it out? They're coming. I'll take it.
- Kelly Farmer: What will we do?
- Oscar: I think we should split up.
- Lynn Farmer: No, we should stay together.
- Oscar: It's our only chance we have of getting away. Lynn and I will go this way, you two go that way.
- Mr. N: Oh, sure. You go with the twin that has the moonstone.
- Aunt Agatha: [Off-screen] Over this way! By the cars!
- Oscar: Once we've lost them, we'll all meet up again at the Oscarmobile, OK? Come on!
- Lynn Farmer: Good luck, Kelly!
- Kelly Farmer: Good luck, Lynn!
- [They hug each other]
- Mr. N: Touching, but could we get a move on? Go!
- [the twins separate, look at each other, and salute each other for good luck]
- Mr. N: [Kelly and Mr. N are being chased by Aunt Agatha and the mob] Up there! Up there!
- Kelly Farmer: What if it's a dead end?
- Mr. N: It's not, trust me.
- [Runs up the hill]
- Kelly Farmer: It's a dead end. Read the sign.
- [Points to a Dead End sign]
- Aunt Agatha: You've run into a dead end!
- Kelly Farmer: [Points upstairs] This way!
- Aunt Agatha: How convenient! Ha ha ha ha ha!
- Mr. N: [Kelly and Mr. N climb upstairs] Hurry! Hurry!
- [They enter inside the building]
- Mr. N: Good, we'll be safe in here... wherever we are.
- Aunt Agatha: [shouting from outside] You're trapped in there!
- Mr. N: She doesn't know where we are.
- Aunt Agatha: We're watching the stairway, and we're watching the elevator! Give yourselves up now!
- Mr. N: I have a plan!
- Kelly Farmer: This ought to be good.
- Mr. N: Do you want to hear it or not?
- Kelly Farmer: Yes.
- Mr. N: OK.
- [They both sit down]
- Mr. N: I'll go down and tell her that we haven't got the moonstone, and that Lynn and Oscar have it, and they're gonna throw it off the bridge so that it can't do any more harm.
- Kelly Farmer: Even if she believes that, she still won't let us go.
- Mr. N: Ah, but you're not reckoning with the persuasive charms of the silver-tongued Mr. N.
- [Mr. N exits while Kelly stays back and locks the door]
- [Running from Aunt Agatha and the gatherers]
- Lynn Farmer: I hate this!
- Kelly Farmer: You were the one that didn't want to tell Mom and Dad!
- Aunt Agatha: Seize those twins!
- Oscar: Hurry! They're right behind us!
- Don Farmer: [Don, Christine and Norman rush upstairs to find Lynn and Kelly] Lynn? Kelly?
- Christine Farmer: Are you here?
- Don Farmer: Up in the attic.
- Christine Farmer: Oh, please!
- Kelly Farmer: [Norman runs up and pushes Kelly] Ahh!
- [She falls back and knocks the mirror over, it shatters]
- Don Farmer: [Grabs Kelly] Are you all right?
- Kelly Farmer: Yes, I'm all right.
- Christine Farmer: We were so worried!
- Kelly Farmer: [Kelly traps Aunt Agatha by tying her hands with her wand] You're not Aunt Sofia! Her favorite cookies were cinnamon, not chocolate chip!
- [Takes off running]
- Aunt Agatha: Trying doesn't bring home the bat wings does it? Remember my cat?
- Kelly Farmer: Yes.
- Aunt Agatha: I've decided to turn each of you into a little mouse and sic my cat on you! Wouldn't that be amusing?
- Lynn Farmer: No!
- Aunt Agatha: No sense of humor?
- Kelly Farmer: Thanks for trying to save my life.
- [Lynn and Kelly look into each other's eyes]
- Kelly Farmer: I love you.
- Lynn Farmer: I love you too. And you know what, I don't really mind being twins.
- Kelly Farmer: Me neither, it makes both of us special. And I don't care if people make dumb jokes about us. Or if Mom dresses us alike. I'll always learn to be a twin sister no matter what.
- Lynn Farmer: I'll always want to be your twin sister too.
- Aunt Sofia: Kelly, are you in there? It's Aunt Sofia! Are you all right? Your sister has saved me!
- Kelly Farmer: [Cracks the door open] What happened?
- Aunt Sofia: Oh! Lynn and Oscar came to the house and used the moonstone to free me!
- Kelly Farmer: Where's Mr. N?
- Aunt Sofia: Mr... Oh! Oh, your friend! Oh! Well, he was so glad that this was all over that he "flew", he "fled", he rushed off!
- Kelly Farmer: And where's Lynn and Oscar?
- Aunt Sofia: Oh, everybody's all safe and sound. Let's hurry, I decided to give your parents the loan so you won't lose the house.
- Kelly Farmer: That's great! Now you can be part of our family!
- Aunt Sofia: Nothing could make me happier. Come on down. Hurry up.
- [Kelly hides and thinks for a moment. She has a 'Something's not right' look on her face]
- Kelly Farmer: [Reappears] And then you and Mom and Lynn and me can all bake your favorite cookies!
- Aunt Sofia: Yes, that's right!
- [Kelly hides again, realizing that it's not Aunt Sofia. She nods as she comes up with an idea]
- Kelly Farmer: Because Mom tells me how much you love chocolate chip cookies!
- Aunt Sofia: Chocolate chip, my favorite! Are you coming down?
- Kelly Farmer: I'm scared, it's too dark!
- Aunt Sofia: Then I'll come up.
- Kelly Farmer: Could you?
- Aunt Sofia: No problem.
- Kelly Farmer: And I'll open the door.
- Aunt Sofia: I'm on my way.
- [Aunt Sofia climbs up the stairs]
- Aunt Sofia: Here I come.
- Kelly Farmer: [Prepares her wand] I can hardly wait!
- Aunt Sofia: Me neither. Ha ha...
- [Gets closer to the door. Kelly then traps her hands between the door lock and wand]
- Aunt Sofia: Kelly, What's going on? What are you... what's happening?
- Kelly Farmer: You're not Aunt Sofia! Her favorite cookies were cinnamon, not chocolate chip!
- [She runs]
- Aunt Agatha: [Disguise broken] I don't care if it's fudge and fly droppings!
- [Struggles to break free]
- Aunt Agatha: Oh, let me out of this! Oh! What's happened to my magic?
- Kelly Farmer: [fleeing] Mr. N!
- [Runs up the stairs]
- Kelly Farmer: Mr. N!
- Mr. N: [Outside, as a crow, senses trouble] Uh-oh!
- Kelly Farmer: [Still running, sees someone she assumes is Mr. N in the shadows downstairs, excited and relieved] Mr. N, Mr. N, Guess what! I trapped Aunt Agatha!
- [the man in the shadows turns out to be George. He picks Kelly up and shakes her, she screams loudly]
- Kelly Farmer: [Lynn is ready to give up the moonstone] Wait, don't do it! Run! Save yourself!
- Aunt Agatha: George!
- Lynn Farmer: But I can't let her hurt you!
- [Comes downstairs and lays the moonstone at Agatha's feet]
- Lynn Farmer: Mom, when I'm older can I get a nose job?
- Don Farmer: What?
- Christine Farmer: What's wrong with your nose?
- Lynn Farmer: Nothing. But then we just won't look like twins anymore. Then again, can Kelly have a nose job?
- Kelly Farmer: I don't want a nose job.
- Christine Farmer: [Relieved] Good
- Kelly Farmer: I want a tattoo.
- Don Farmer: What?
- Christine Farmer: Being twins is a wonderful thing. It's very special.
- Lynn Farmer: Mom, is there a curse on that house?
- Don Farmer: There's certainly a curse in that house.
- Christine Farmer: Don! Why do you ask that, sweetheart?
- Lynn Farmer: Because the gravedigger said so.
- Christine Farmer: Gravediggers and curses? Girls, Halloween isn't until tomorrow night.
- Kelly Farmer: Is Aunt Agatha really a witch?
- Don Farmer: Oh, you bet she is.
- Lynn Farmer, Kelly Farmer: [Together] She is a witch.
- Lynn Farmer: [Norman the dog is barking at Agatha's cat] Norman, leave that cat alone!
- Kelly Farmer: Norman, get out of there!
- Don Farmer: Kids, get away from that cat!
- Lynn Farmer: [Leaving the forest] Look! There's a house!
- [the fog clears, revealing a very small house]
- Mr. N: You see, I knew that that house was there.
- Lynn Farmer: Give me a break.
- Kelly Farmer: [Observing the house ahead of them] Looks like a really little house.
- Mr. N: [while walking towards the house] No, no, no, no. You see, it only looks small because it's so far off in the distance. It's called a perspective effect. We have quite a hike ahead of us.
- [They get closer to the house in 10 seconds. Mr. N opens the gate]
- Mr. N: I guess it's not the perspective effect after all.