Cyclone

The best thing about this move was Ms. Thomas's assets. She seemed to have reprised her role fromtheold 'Fall Guys' Tv series, in that her wardrobe consisted of, in order of their appearance, leotards, skin tight jeans and spandex mini skirts. The plot was comical, while the fight scenes were pretty good. I kept getting the impression the other actors wished they were some place else.

One particularly silly scene had Teri (Ms.Thomas) tied to a chair, being tortured by the villians to reveal the location of the Cyclone. The dialog is silly, and villians seem more interested in sneering and threatening than getting the information.

For a laugh it worth seeing, but for serious action fans, skip it.

Cyclone is a piece of dreck with little redeeming value, even on the so bad its entertaining front. A friend of mine took the tape from an overflowing St. Vincent DePaul clothes bin. Okay, that may be a little bit dodgy but it was meant to be a clothes bin, not a crappy old VHS bin, something the less fortunate members of our society don't really need to make their lives better. It could be considered a mercy. Watching a movie like Cyclone would really only add to their problems. Anyway the basic premise of a woman with a super-powerful motorcycle that it armed to the teeth with rockets and lasers isn't even properly exploited. The two 'high speed' chase sequences involve vehicles travelling at less than hair raising speeds of around 40 KMPH and a super-fast motorcycle that is in danger of being overtaken by a crappy old station wagon is not that awe inspiring when you get down to it. There is only one scene where the bikes goofy weaponry is used, at the film's climax, and it is laughably ineffectual, or just laughable, when it is. This includes laser beams that look like they should be coming out of the hands of an evil wizard in a cheesy eighties sword and sorcery that produced large bursts of flame which seem to have no noticeable effect on their targets even when they hit directly. The rest of the movie is just tedious hard to watch filler. Lots of bad actors, yes even Combs and Landau suck in this, most of whom seem like they have been lifted from the set of a porno movie stand around exchanging really bad dialogue in a desperate attempt to pus forward the barely coherent plot. There are a few badly staged fight sequences and some excruciatingly unfunny comic relief scenes with some cops and the owner of the motor cycle repair shop. Comedy of the sub Benny Hill horny old man can't stop staring at the female leads chest variety. Basically the 'money' scenes involving the bike actually doing stuff are few and lame and the rest is clunky filler material. Skip it.

(1987) Cyclone ACTION

To me it's one of the worst low budget straight to rental films I've ever seen centering on boyfriend played by Jeffrey Combs building a top secret motorcycle with corrupt infiltrations by wealthy businessman, unbeknownst girlfriend played by Heather Locklear gets involved who uses bike to kill goons including the ones who were responsible for boyfriend's death. All I can say is that before watching this, I seen a 1980's documentary centering on one of Hollywood's greatest stuntman ever lived by the name of Dar Robinson, and in this film he's given a bigger role as the henchman hired to do the bad guy's dirty work and retrieve the secret thing whatever it is. "Cyclone" apparently was the last film he's ever did besides performing dangerous stunts for the hit "Lethal Weapon", and may or may not have actually been killed doing a motorcycle stunt for this film- I'm not too sure, but anyways Dars acting as well as the others are amongst the worst I've ever seen, but theirs some crazy ass stunts that're performed on screen toward the end and should be acknowledged for that alone.

Teri Marshall (Heather Thomas) finds herself in a world of nefarious Government and bad guy types after her inventor boyfriend Rick Davenport (Jeffrey Combs) is murdered. Seems everyone is after his invention Cyclone, a $5 million dollar motorbike with stealth technology. Of course, Rick expected this and delivers a post-death message to Teri to get the motorbike to the only G-man (Troy Donahue) he can trust. The big chase is on with CIA agents Waters (Martine Beswick) and Knowles (Robert Quarry) and baddies Rolf (Dar Robinson) and Hanna (Dawn Wildsmith) in pursuit. And Martin Landau figures in here somewhere as the main bad guy. More Fred Olen Ray madness here and this film is a marked improvement over his earlier stuff. By that I mean it looks like an actual film with decent cinematography. It is still pretty low budget though with cheap sets and a almost-but-not-quite futuristic bike design. The leads are decent and I noticed Combs - like Peter Cushing before him - has an insane talent for making techno-babble sound 100% believable. You also get a gaggle of ex-stars who mostly likely were around for a few days in supporting roles. Donahue has one scene while Landau gets three. All of the big action is saved for the finale and there are two really cool car stunts there. Of course, the film's biggest leap of faith isn't the stealth bike. My friend Marty summed it up best when he said: "As implausible as this thriller is, the biggest stretch is that sexy blonde Thomas, first seen hitting the Nautilus machine in a bust-bursting Spandex outfit, would be dating dorky scientist Combs."

Wow! Fred Olen Ray outdid himself with the casting of Cyclone.

We get Russ 'Satan's Sadists' Tamblyn, Jeffrey 'Re-Animator' Combs, Martine 'Prehistoric Women' Beswick, Robert 'Count Yorga' Quarry, Huntz 'Sach' Hall, Martin 'Bela Lugosi' Landau, Troy 'I Know What You Did' Donahue, and Heather, er, 'Dukes of Hazzard' Thomas, all in one movie!

The story is ridiculous and the movie is unwatchable, but who cares!