Zombie Nightmare

Ever get together with your pals and watch horrible movies while you suck down donuts and cheap beer? Well then this one is for you! Actually this movie really sucks. However there are some inspired moments of suckiness. Such as when the heavy metal oaf with the heart of gold is about to get struck by a car of "mall punks." He stands in the road looking at them and yelling in slow motion until they mow him down! Pretty amusing. The leader of the mall punks is the best part though. Definitely one of the best cheesiest cool badass leaders ever put in a crappy film. There is one hilarious scene in particular where he is arguing with his Mom. So what does this badass gang leader do? He throws a strainer full of wet noodles at his Mom! Watch and laugh. Make sure to get plenty of beer and donuts for this one!

After witnessing the murder of his father, young Tony Washington grows up into the hulking, musclebound version of himself (Jon Mikl Thor). Meanwhile, a gang of brainless punks are causing trouble. Tony, busily ridding the streets of crime, encounters said ne'er do wells, resulting in his untimely demise.

Thankfully, Tony's mum knows the local voodoo priestess, who dresses up like an eeevil clown and whips up some mumbo jumbo tout de suite! Let the ungodly ineptitude that is ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE begin! Rising from his grave with hard-boiled eggs for eyes, Tony sets out for ultimate vengeance.

A masterwork of hyper-schlock cinema, this movie excels in every category! There are non-actors, acting as though they've just been handed their scripts for the first time. This gives the dialogue that fresh, robotic sound. Lines are delivered in a quasi-human fashion, making us believe that animated mannequins have somehow learned to speak.

The plot proves that scripts can be written "on the fly", during filming, without editing! This forces the various characters to wander about, oblivious to whatever is taking place. The crooks, the cops, the squawking medical examiner, the whole cast!

However, no one outshines Thor as the Frankenstein-in-sweat-clothes hero, who's hair length changes in every scene! A true stroke of genius!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: Adam West as Capt. Tom Churchman. He's rough! He smokes cigars! He's Batman with a mustache!

EXTRA-EXTRA POINTS FOR: The music! Any movie that opens with Ace Of Spades by Motorhead... um, at least has that going for it!...

As a boy, Tony Washington witnesses the fatal stabbing of his father after he goes to the rescue of a young black woman, Molly Mokembe, who is being sexually molested by two teenage thugs.

Cut to the present day, and Tony (now played by heavy metal singer Jon Mikl Thor) is a musclebound, long-haired baseball player who, like his father, has no time for hoodlums: when his local grocery store is held up by armed robbers, Tony steps in and saves the day (the Italian shopkeeper is-a so-a grateful, he lets-a Tony have his-a groceries for-a nothing!).

Unfortunately, as Tony crosses the road with his freebies, he is run down and killed by a gang of no-good punks, lead by psycho Jim Batten (played by Shaun Levy, now a successful Hollywood director). When Tony's mother sees her son's lifeless body, she calls for Molly (Manuska Rigaud), who uses her voodoo powers to resurrect Tony from the dead. Armed with his trusty metal baseball bat, shuffling zombie Tony goes looking for revenge.

As I type, Zombie Nightmare is currently sitting at #53 on IMDb's bottom 100 movies (most likely thanks to being featured on MST3K); but while I cannot deny that the film is no classic of the zombie genre, and is sadly lacking in both the gore and nudity one expects from 80s trash (a blonde cutie in her underwear doesn't cut it), neither is it deserving of such contempt. I've seen hundreds of films that are tougher to endure than this one, which at least entertains with its 80s cheesiness and sheer silliness.

Boasting a rocking metal soundtrack courtesy of Motorhead, Girlschool, Thor, Deathmask and Fist (no, I've never heard of the last two bands either), an early performance from Wayne's World babe Tia Carrere (schwing!), Adam 'Batman' West as a police captain with a dark secret, hilariously bad zombie make-up, terrible acting (Manuska's Haitian voodoo routine is a masterclass in over-acting), some really nasty 80s fashion, and a fun finale in a foggy cemetery (smoke machine on overdrive!) that sees West dragged to hell, Zombie Nightmare is definitely worth a go for fans of z-grade horror.

ZOMBIE NIGHTMARE was my very first movie as an actor. I was chosen to play the hero, Frank Sorrel, a young detective who uncovers the secret of the zombie murders. When I made this picture, I was told it would be a big theatrical release. And I was thrilled to work with my childhood hero, Adam West. But about half-way through production, I began to realize how low-budget this epic was. I was mortified by the final product...that is, until MST3000 turned it from a lousy horror film to a downright hysterical comedy. Thank you, Crow and Tom Servo, for making me proud to be an actor!

The acting was woeful, the continuity non-existent and the whole budget must have been less than 100 bucks, but I sure did laugh. Although, probably not for reasons the film-makers intended.

If you love bad movies and inept film-making, this is for you. The added bonus is Adam West, who deserved better but is always a welcome sight.

Worth a watch if you don't want to be challenged in any way and need a good chuckle.