User reviews

After about 20 years of having little more than vague memories of this movie rollerskating about in my head, I finally broke down and re-watched Solarbabies.

All I can say is, well, bless them for trying. It really isn't a BAD movie... it does manage to be entertaining even though it occasionally drags. The only problem is that it borrows a lot from other movies and never seems to decide on a style of its own.

Overall I didn't feel as drawn in to the story as I'd hoped, but despite the somewhat vague plot and generic characters, it was still good fun. And if nothing else, it teaches us that all we really need to set things right in the world are friendship and roller skating. And maybe a magic ball from outer space.

I remember when I first saw this film, I must have been about six years old (1990 or so), I thought this film was amazing at that time. I've since watched it several times as an adult and all I can do is laugh at every serious scene in this movie. This film is about a future in which roller skates apparently make a huge come back. All of the worlds water (or most of it anyway) is being stored in a building about the size of Yankee stadium. There is no rain because apparently there is also no such thing as evaporation (although plenty of the cast are sweating throughout the film). All animals except a few birds and a couple of attack dogs are dead (or hiding really well ^_^). All plant life is dead and gone which means two things, No salad, and oxygen must be supplied by planet Druidia! My favorite scene in the whole movie is when "Rabbit" dare I say the only back person left alive on the planet, does a very non-offensive Harlem Globe Trotters routine with the "Sphere of Longiness". You will enjoy this movie if you want some chuckles, please watch it and, "Enjoy a decent life grid!" (That line cracks me up!)

"Solarbabies" apparently wasn't given much of a theatrical release by MGM. After seeing the movie, I can understand why they apparently decided to cut their losses. To be fair, the outdoor locations are pretty eye-catching (the movie was shot in Spain), and the sets look like some serious money and time was spent on their construction. But aside from those things, there's not much more praiseworthy to bring up. The movie is really confusing at times, with several plot points brought up so suddenly in the narrative that I'm pretty confident I'm correct in thinking the movie was severely cut in the editing room, taking away the introduction and explanation to these plot points. Despite this editing, there are still plenty of ridiculous things to be found in the movie, like the youths getting around in this post-apocalypse world on roller-skates. But most of these ridiculous things are just mildly amusing, not insane enough to make this worth seeing on a camp level. Will anyone like it? Well, I have an idea that (very young) kids - especially kids who have not seem many better fantasy movies - might get some enjoyment out of it, but I'm sure they'll still question a lot of the movie's incoherent moments.

Set 41 years after a cataclysmic event that left much of the planet a barren wasteland, the remaining water is now under the control of the totalitarian Eco Protectorate. The Protectorate runs several "Orphanages" where wasteland youth are held and educated to obey. A group of children, known by the sports team name, Solarbabies, find a glowing orb named Bohdi who can not only speak but has powers that seem mystical in nature. After Bohdi is taken the Solarbabies take it upon themselves to rescue Bohdi before it can be destroyed by the Protectorate.

The making of Solarbabies is far more interesting than the movie that resulted from it. The brainchild of Douglas Anthony Metrov, Metrov's intention was to emulate the "guerilla film making" style of his friend Abel Ferrara. Originally intended to be a low budget film about children in a post apocalyptic world (described by Metrov as "Little Rascals in the future") the movie gained the attention of Mel Brooks as a potential producing project for his company Brooksfilm. Brooks was eventually convinced to invest more money in the project because of supposed blockbuster potential of the film (yes seriously) and the budget balloon from $5 Million to $20 Million with Metrov being kicked off the project and replaced with Alan Johnson which compounded with bad weather, on set tensions, and general ineptitude led to expensive reshoots, unusable footage, and drove brooks just short of bankruptcy that was only averted by selling the film at a loss to MGM and healthy profits from Brooksfilms other sci-fi film of the year, the David Cronenberg directed re-imagining of The Fly. While the story behind Solarbabies is tumultuous and rich in drama, the movie itself is a boring, confusing, derivative mess that can't even be enjoyed in a "so bad it's good way"

From the get go the movie makes absolutely no sense. The movie supposedly takes place in a world of extreme water scarcity which has lead to a breakdown in civilization save for the Eco Protectorate which managed to establish power by establishing bunkers for the water that is then rationed out in exchange for allegiance and obedience. The protectorate is filled with soldiers called E-Cops who are laser gun wielding henchman complete with lousy aim who wouldn't feel out of place in Star Wars or more fittingly Spaceballs. Outside the Protectorate however is a world of roving marauders who wear tattered rags, dress like Native American tribes, or dress like Bedouin Arabs and there's no rhyme or reason to this world.

The story doesn't fare much better. The Orb Bohdi is basically E.T. if you took away the personality and movement of E.T. and instead replaced it with a glowing volleyball. Bohdi can't speak except for barely audible giggles and chirps, and despite having powers to cure deafness and bring about indoor rainstorms Bohdi spends most of the movie doing absolutely nothing aside from being carried from place to place with no clearly defined end point or objective. The plot is a flabby shapeless mass where characters don't have clear motivation, characters have no clear reason for existing, and actions in one scene don't carry over to another. Sometimes a scene doesn't even know how to transition to another, in the midpoint of the movie where Bohdi is stolen, there's no scene where the characters find out it's been stolen but there is a scene where they discuss one of their group has gone after Bohdi. It's a frustrating movie from beginning to end because the story has no engine driving it nor a goal to which it's approaching.

The acting is at least decent even if the characterization is flat and nonsensical. Adrian Pasdar, Jason Patric, Richard Jordan, and Jami Gertz all give energized performances and have decent charisma. Lucas Haas unfortunately isn't so lucky. Throughout the movie Haas maintains a near constant look and feel of "wide eyed whimsy" that makes him one note and somewhat grating. I don't blame Haas for this as he is a good actor (see the criminally underrated ghost story Lady in White for proof) and it's clear that bad direction/writing is most likely to blame.

Solarbabies is an absolute mess of a movie. It shamelessly borrows from Mad Max, E.T., Star Wars, and pretty much every Sci-Fi/Blockbuster film of the 10 years that preceded it and has no idea how to make them engaging. The plot has no drive, the characters are flat, and is simultaneously boring and headscratchingly confusing. It's just a stupid, stupid movie that tries to ape contemporary blockbuster trends without having any idea how they're supposed to work.

Silly nonsense about a post-apocalyptic future where it doesn't rain and the kids are raised in a prison. There they play a game that's kind of a kids' version of Rollerball and wait to grow up and become guards or something for the corporation running the world. They find a glowing alien ball called Bohdai and uninteresting stuff happens. Laughable to the extreme, with ugly-looking '80s costumes and an odd fascination with rollerskating. It's unintentionally funny at times, and I totally give it points for that, but ultimately it's just embarrassing for all involved. See it for Jami Gertz, because you should see anything with Jami Gertz.

It's like this movie was made to be parodied by Mystery Science Theater. It starts out with a bunch of teenagers skating through a DESERT of all places (you know, rock, sand and roller skates-- a match made in heaven) and just gets worse from there. Imagine a teen street hockey team fighting against a major-cliché heavily armored "Nazi regime" army... and somehow not getting killed in the process.

A blue ball comes from outer space for no known reason in the universe and despite evidently having the power to do just about anything it cares to do, can't manage to keep itself from being captured and nearly destroyed. And why? Well, because it relies on a 10-year-old boy as the source of its power. (Or so we guess. There's really no way to know for sure, because they never explain that part at all.)

This is so bad it's bad bad. It's one of those movies that all the way through the viewer is asking, "Why am I even watching this?" but we can't break away because... what's gonna happen in the end? Let me save you some time without spoilers: not much happens. Kids out-skate killer desert vehicles, kids out-skate blasters and heavily-armed soldiers, kids out-skate exploding buildings. Evidently in the far future roller skating is some kind of super-power because boy howdy, it sure works for this group!

Ethel, pass the popcorn and a clothespin, 'cos this one's a stinker.

Solarbabies is a hilariously inept clunker from the eighties. Everything about the movie is either so dumb, puerile or ridiculous it is staggering at times. It basically involves a bunch of generic eighties teens roller-skating around a Mad Max style dystopian future chasing after a sentient glowing magical orb that can save the world. Words cannot express how ridiculous the sight of these dudes skating around the place in formation is. Or how ridiculous and hokey the scenes of them prancing around with the glowing ball of light are- the kind of scenes that would be too cringeworthy and schmaltzy even for a Disney movie. Or how painfully cheesy the synth heavy score is – it sounds like it belongs in a Care Bears movie and that it has been produced on a $10 Cassio. Or how nonsensical and threadbare the plot is- god knows what was meant to have happened at the very end of the movie or what the deal with Bodhai, the sentient glowing ball, was. It is kind of like they tried to combine E.T. with Mad Max but with more Roller-skates. That's not even mentioning the fact that two of our main characters, including the lead, are virtually indistinguishable. I wasn't sure how many members there were in the main group of teens for most of the movie- if it was one, two or three dudes I was getting mixed up. Nor is mentioning the goofy and superfluous quasi-American Indian character, the blatantly flaming leather clad prisoner warden, the embarrassed looking Charles Durning, the undeveloped subplot of the eco-warriors, the foggy motivations of the evil cooperation ruling the world, or the unfunny and inexplicable supporting roles of Alexi Sayle and Bruce Payne or… I could go on. Solarbabies is one long series of ultra cheesy cringeworthy eighties dreck. Recommended only for those with a high tolerance for that sort of thing.

This movie is vile! Take the worst aspects of "Spacehunter: Adventures in the Forbidden Zone" and throw in a little rollerhockey, the result is a rectal detonation we know as "Solarbabies". The greatest crime this movie ever inflicted on the moviegoing audience, was Lucas Haas. He befriends an eerie glowing ball called "Bodi". If the repeated "Bodi! Bodi! Bodi!" doesn't make you run screaming, Lucas Haas' hydrocephalic head will!!! (the pain can be remedied by watching Lucas Haas get run over by a car in "The Toxic Avenger") I suffered through this as a child and so should you. It may be awful, but you must watch it! Suffer through it! Put your hand in the box! What's in the box..? SOLARBABIES!!!

-JTOP

This film is a riot. It's badness is epic. It is hard to know where to begin in terms of describing the experience of Solarbabies, but one could start by saying that a central episode involves a chase scene of children dramatically escaping from a futuristic special-forces police force by ROLLER SKATING through the DESERT. I am not making this up.

The completely random plot and incredulously goofy bonding/friendship scenes between the child-prisoners and their glowing-ball alien friend could only have been the product of coked-out brainstorming sessions of Hollywood types in the 80s.

Are children lovable prisoners of a Nazi-Fetish, post-apocalyptic corporation/government agency that inexplicably decides to profit by running a child-labor camp in the desert? Check. Are the children also forced to play an arena sport involving roller skates? Check. Does a glowing alien ball appear randomly and befriend the children, with no apparent connection to anything else in the film? Check. Do the children breakdance with the glowing alien ball-friend? Check. Does the glowing alien ball require the children to escape the prison and go on a quest? Yep. Do the children "escape" simply by roller-skating away from the "prison" (through a desert)? Um, yes. Does the glowing alien ball-friend require the children to join hands in a ritualized new-age circle of friendship/love in order to achieve its full glowing alien ball powers? You betcha.

If this movie were any better, I would give it one star. But it charges so far past the normal constraints of the badness boundaries that it comes out on the other side and emerges as something that is actually pretty entertaining and fairly compelling. The bar starts out low, but the filmmakers just keep on lowering it, going way past the zero point, and actually discovering new ways to make a bad movie worse. It is like art in reverse.

This movie sent me in hysterical laughter. A bunch of kids in a post nuke war desert where the government has all the water (hmm if there are no plants where is the air coming from???) find a glowing sphere and save the world. Has more plot holes then you can count. In the words of another equaly cheesy film "you will laugh, you will cry, you will puke, you die"

If you don't love cheesy scifi....are too cool and all, don't bother. I mean it. But if magic alien spheres, weird roller sports, tiretown, and eco warriors make you happy, than this is your movie. It has a subtle beauty. 80s madness at its best. From the misunderstood tribal kid who calls birds to the cool mascot hearing impaired kid, its just, well its just....just see it. The hair and music alone are worth it, even if you do not realize how awesome the story is. Check out the cut offs. The only conceivable reason this movie is not in any hall of fame is because there is no award for Best Cheesy Sci Fi, or ...people just suck. Givin that, I am sure there IS an award somewhere. So do not deny yourself the futuristic bad news bears on skates. Why, afraid you may pull out those old hot pink wheeled roller-skates you know you have? Afraid you may try to save the world in a spray painted tank top? I know I am.

I have seen bad movies, and I have seen bad movies... still this one is memorable from the sheer unequaled horror of the members of the audience at sitting through it.

I determine how good a movie is by how well you feel by how little you spent. If you go see a movie at $1 for the ticket price, many movies are better than if you paid full ticket price.

I saw this one for free, I still felt uncomfortable at paying that much to see this movie. I am sure if you get paid to see this movie, or are provided free food, it might be much better. However, if you get free food, I would avoid any foods that err.. come back up easy.

Also anything that numbs the brain would help significantly... if you can laugh at plot problems, even better. I am sure someone out there has to have enjoyed this movie, after all someone got paid to make it. I strongly suggest you get compensated for your time, it will make the movie much better.

I only write reviews of movies with low rating, which actually are not that bad. Give them a chance!

If you like apocalypse / post-apocalypse and you are aware that this is a teenage movie, I don't know why you wouldn't like it! It is really cool, story is good, they made an effort to create post-apocalyptic world and everything else works fine. Kids are not acting well, that I must admit, but they are kids... and pretty much all other 80s teenage movies have the same problem, but that does not mean Solarbabies should have 4.8 ( as in this moment ). It is a solid movie, and if you like apocalypse I am sure that you will like this one, too.

6/10

Watch out! There are rollerskates about!!! Futuristic rollerskates, that is. Good guys on skates battle a Nazi-esquire regime in a desolate future world. The highlight of this movie is the gorgeous Sarah Douglas as an evil scientist. The lowpoint of the movie is the whole movie. This film is a rip off of countless others. You keep expecting Mad Max to walk into a scene and shout "Hey! Those are my rollerskates, you little swines." Do yourselves a favour and skip to the Sarah Douglas scenes. Or you could do yourselves a bigger favour and have a sleep, or read a book or you could criticize this film on the IMDb. Having your nuts ripped off by a wild dog is preferable to sitting through this thing, and marginally less painful.

How does someone actually sit down and write this? It was as going to be used as a torture device at Gitmo, but the CIA didn't want to violate the Geneva Convention on treatment of POW's. You would think Charles Durning would have enough sense to say "No thank you, I just ate". Why does every movie or TV show in the future have to involve a modern day sport getting screwed over? For goodness sake, find a freaking' football and toss it around. For a place with not a lot of water they sure make an effort to exert as much as possible. If I knew there was a lack of water, the most you would get out of me is scoring behind the building with a local girl.

Giving this movie a 1 is generous, although there are worse movies out there, Battlefield Earth for example... Waste of time, money, and celluloid. Moronic, 1980s era post-apocalyptic future movie, but instead of Mel Gibson, you have the lost boys from "Hook" or "Goonies", preteen, teen and post-pubescent pretty white kids skate, skate, skate to FREEDOM!! Formulaic trash, whoever wrote this movie was either an idiot or had a brain tumor, if the latter is the case, my apologies. I'm sure they gave a reason for why the little brats continuously engaged in roller derby for their tyrannical overlords, but don't look for a reason that makes a lick of sense.

Probably the only reason Mystery Science Theatre 3K hasn't done this one is because it's hardly necessary. Most viewers will automatically howl and add their own comments to this ghastly waste of film. Is this really a Mel Brooks production? If so, he truly should stick to intentional comedy, where he's great, and leave futuristic "message" films mercifully alone. Actually, this is good for a laugh some evening if you're among friends in the right mood. Perhaps a double-feature with an Ed Wood masterpiece?

This one seems to be everyones pet hate for some reason, but it really doesn't deserve all that bad press. It is a more than decent sci-fi movie in Road Warrior territory. The rulers use water shortage to upress the masses but the magic ball Bodai and The Solarbabies on rollerskates take up the fight. Nice work by Lucas Haas and the beautiful Jamie Gertz, a highly underrated actress. High budget insures high productionvalues, this film both look and sounds good. 7/10

Man this was one stupid movie! Top Ten of a decade? How about Top Ten Stinkers of a decade?

So far, my favourite plot hole is the bit where Terra (Jami Gertz) goes missing and is then found out to be the daughter of the leader of the very organisation the "E-Protectorate" (the movie's main opposition) is trying to destroy. But the alien Bodhi getting broken and then getting totally rejuvenated comes a close second.

However, if you still want to watch this, I can't stop you. I myself have bought the video. So sit back, relax, and enjoy the worst movie ever released.

My dad had a strange habit of taping all 48 hours of the free HBO

weekends when I was a kid. Fortunately for me, that's how I found

some of my favorite films! When I'd stay home from school with

the flu, I'd sift through the tapes and watch whatever caught my

eye. After I saw this one, it became my regular "sick day" film and

one I'd watch any time I was just hanging around on a rainy

afternoon. I remember I loved it because it was about kids doing

something about their problems and making the situation better -

heck, they saved the world! That's the kind of film every kid likes!

Yeah, when I teenager this movie was the ilk that I remember of the 1980's. Watching it now over 20 years later it is so corny with the 80's break dancing music and pointless plot. What caught my eye of course was a 20 year old Jami Gertz and the white robe scene where you could see her whole naked body. Nothing left to the imagination. I wonder sometimes if she really knew what the producers were trying to do with the bright light behind her so you could see through the white robe. Either way that was the first I ever heard of her as an actress and I have enjoyed her spunky wit ever since in her movies. Really loved her in "The lost boys" movie as well. Now at 42, she is still pretty and funny and I have caught her on the sitcom called Still Standing on Lifetime (yeah I'm a guy and I watch Lifetime with my wife) and Jami is still funny with her sweet but sarcastic attitude.