- Jack Chester: Get the hell out of here now!
- Fat Man: You get out of here fella. I'm trying to watch the Smurfs.
- Jack Chester: You're trying to watch the Smurfs?
- Fat Man: Yeah.
- Jack Chester: Did you see the one where Papa Smurf took a crutch and smashed the shit out of a guy with a red hat? Did you see that one? You want to see that one?
- [Fat Man runs away]
- Scully: [Discussing the ocean] She'll make ya rich, or she'll feed ya to the fishes. If she wants you to dance, sonny boy, you've got to follow her lead.
- Jack Chester: Didn't I read that on your bathroom wall?
- Scully: Yes. And it's as true today as when I hung it there.
- Scully: Hey mate! Good to see you. What can I get ya?
- Jack Chester: How about... drunk.
- Scully: [laughing] We can handle that!
- Jack Chester: [receives shot of rum] Do you have an ice cube for this?
- Jack Chester: Don't serve those.
- Al: What are you doing?
- Jack Chester: These are my lobsters.
- Al: Your lobsters?
- Jack Chester: That's right you've got my table but you're not getting my lobsters.
- Al: Oh and this is your table?
- Jack Chester: [Slams his hands on the table] My table!
- Jack Chester: Your wrong. You're wrong, you're wrong, you're wrong!
- Scully: I'm trying to tell you that as a fighter, pound for pound, my boy, Jimmy Cagney, will disintegrate your Sylvester Stallone. He'll knock his block off!
- Jack Chester: In a street fight, maybe. I give you that. But, not in a movie!
- Vicki: Can I have your honest opinion about something?
- Jack Chester: Sure.
- Vicki: [lifts her bikini top] What do you think of these? Well, how do they look?
- Jack Chester: About what?
- Vicki: These!
- Jack Chester: Oh, those.
- Vicki: Yeah. How do they look?
- Jack Chester: Uh, similar?
- Vicki: No, I mean, do they look good? I just got them.
- Jack Chester: Who had them before you?
- Vicki: Nobody, silly. I just recently had them enlarged.
- Jack Chester: Oh, I see.
- Jack Chester: Where's Angus with that sail? There's only two more shopping days left.
- Scully: He's searching the entire coast for it. I'm sure he'll find it.
- Jack Chester: How can you be so sure?
- Scully: If he don't, I'll kill him.
- Jack Chester: [Jack has spilled a huge bag of dog food all over the floor and is trying to clean it up] Do you have a dustpan or something?
- Dan Gardner: You can just leave it sir.
- Jack Chester: Good idea, because you might have a guest this summer and they have a dog and this is excellent stuff.
- Jack Chester: Should she be talking to him?
- Sandy Chester: Why not?
- Jack Chester: Why not? Are you crazy? He's a life guard. They're all sex maniacs. Right now each of his gonads is screaming me first.
- Jack Chester: Where do you think you're going? This isn't a nude beach.
- Jennifer Chester: Oh, Daddy!
- Jack Chester: Who do you think you are? Lolita?
- Ed: I'm sorry, mister, but she's worrying the whole world with her new knockers.
- Vicki: Oh, be quiet, Ed. I just want his opinion.
- Ed: She's so insecure! Last night, she shoved them in the clerk's face at the 7-11, Honey, relax, will you. They're beautiful. They look right and they feel right!
- Vicki: Yeah?
- Ed: Mister, will you try them and tell her they feel right? As a favor to me?
- Jack Chester: [cops of feel] Oh, yeah. Boy those are so lifelike it's ridiculous.
- Ed: See. Everybody likes 'em. Thanks, buddy, I owe you one.
- Jack Chester: What are neighbors for.
- Scully: There's nothing like the sea to lift your spirits and put a song in your heart.
- Jack Chester: I know what you mean. You must know a lot of ocean songs.
- Scully: I do. Here's a sea ditty my mother taught me.
- [singing]
- Scully: Love, Exciting and new, Come aboard, We're expecting you, And love, Life's sweetest reward, Let if flow
- Jack Chester, Scully: It flows back to you, The Love Boat...
- Jack Chester: Come on Hal. Can't you pull a few strings for me?
- Hal: It's not on my hands. The agency gave you a mandatory five. Look Jack, you've been landing planes for 13 years. Face it, you're burned out. It's not a dirty word in this business. I'm telling you this as a friend, you need this rest.
- Jack Chester: I can't believe they're doing this! Just because of a stinking fly.
- Jennifer Chester: Did they even say how many rooms they're are?
- Jack Chester: It's three bedrooms and it's on the beach. That's all I know.
- Sandy Chester: Well it was very nice of Hal to find the place.
- Jack Chester: It was very nice of him to tell me that I'm cracking up.
- Sandy Chester: You are not cracking up. You just need this rest.
- Jack Chester: Rest? Didn't we just get back from Hawaii?
- Sandy Chester: Jack, that was our honeymoon.
- Jack Chester: Oh, gee, I forgot my bathing suit. I guess I can't go in the water all summer.
- Sandy Chester: Jack, nobody cares what you look like in a bathing suit.
- [spanks Jack's behind]
- Jack Chester: That's just it.
- Sandy Chester: I'm going to pick one up for you.
- Jack Chester: Well, I'm not going to wear it. Not until I lose, maybe, 3 or 4 pounds.
- Sandy Chester: I love the way you look in a bathing suit.
- [kiss]
- Jack Chester: My mother was right, you're twisted.
- Sandy Chester: Mmm-hmm.
- Jack Chester: I'd take those over a power tool any day.
- Vicki: Do they look like real breasts to you?
- [does a shimmy]
- Jack Chester: Well, you fooled me!
- Vicki: You don't think they're too big?
- Jack Chester: No! No, no, no, no.
- Scully: We name vessels after women to remind us to treat them gently like ladies; otherwise, they won't respond like ladies. So, remember, always gentle on the tiller.
- Vicki: So?
- Race Official: They look very natural - very natural.
- Ed: Vicki!
- Vicki: He's a judge. I value his opinion. Thank you.
- Race Official: Thank *you*.
- Sandy Chester: Jack, you spend all of your time with Scully. What do the two of you do all day?
- Jack Chester: Dance.
- Scully: The sea is a wondrous, mysterious, dangerous lady. She'll make you rich or she'll feed you to the fishes. You can't control her. You got to give yourself to her. She wants you to dance, sonny boy! You got to follow her lead.
- Jack Chester: [everybody is walking by the window in the Chester's house] Excuse me! Why are you people going through here
- [a fat man belches and points to a sign that says "Public Beach Access"]
- Jack Chester: Oh perfect.
- [to the crowds]
- Jack Chester: Come on thru. I'm Joe Public, welcome to my beach.
- Laurie Chester: This place sucks!
- Sandy Chester: Where did you learn that?
- Jennifer Chester: I told her never to say things suck.
- Laurie Chester: Mommy, can I play in the basement with Yorku?
- Sandy Chester: Well, if it's okay with Yorku.
- Pirate Musician: It's okay with. I play.
- [laughs]
- Sandy Chester: I'll be right here if you need me.
- Vicki: I just made some fresh lemonade. Why don't you come on over and have some?
- Jack Chester: Oh, no.
- Vicki: Oh, come on!
- Jack Chester: No. I wouldn't want to impose.
- Vicki: Impose! What are neighbors for? Come on.
- Al: well renter it looks like youre my renter. i wouldent take this chwck from you if my chukdren ertr starving on the streets now uou and entire family out of thre by saturday midnite or i will toss you out personaly. i told you id get you