The Return of Sam McCloud

McCloud the TV show was always a rip roaring good time.

The Return of Sam McCloud is likewise a very enjoyable experience.

What's not to like about Marshall Sam McCloud, now a politician, venturing to Merry old England to investigate the murder of his daughter, and helping to stop an evil plot.

Of course, the highlight of the movie has got to be McClouds slugfest with the younger, more attractive British thug Jason Cross. McCloud even takes a punch before reducing the thug to a rank amateur and putting him to sleep, once again proving that an older American Marshall can dispatch a younger British henchman.

This film was on TV today, and being a big McCloud fan from the 70's, I thought I'd watch is. As a McCloud film, I enjoyed it, but as a Londoner and a Brit, I cringed, as this film followed the stereotype of London and England I have seen in so many films. For the benefit of everyone, please note that London is not split into tourist spots and dingy East end pubs, we no longer have fog (OK, that wasn't in this film but I saw that in a recent Murder She Wrote), and the countryside is not littered with posh country mansions (as depicted in this and MSW). Most importantly, apart from a few lines dedicated as tourist attractions, steam trains have not run on our railways since the 60's.

OK, I realize I'm too late for the programmes mentioned as they were made in the late 80's, but even then they should have known better - I appreciate London and England being put on the cinematic map, but I would enjoy them more if they were more realistic, and I just hope the lesson has been learnt.

What a terrible pile of [expunged expletive].

No doubt scripted so that the American cast and crew could get a free sight-seeing tour to Britain, the majority of the action takes place in England, and London in particular. Some of it is clearly shot on London streets, but the rest is some sound-stage Hollywood cliché of "quaint little England", where every pub has a piano played all the time, where the trains still run on steam, and the sound of gunshots sends the police and Horseguards into a wild panic, leaving Sam McCloud to save the day, valiantly rescuing the damsel on a purloined Met Police horse, galloping down The Mall.

It's impossible to lay on too thickly how downright dreadful this pile of horse-manure is. McCloud was an entertaining series, bit a product of its time. It should have been allowed to stay dignified in death.

House boats don't moor at Westminster Pier (and didn't at the time it was filmed 14 years ago). Pawn shops don't handle firearms. There is an 8 hour time difference between the Great Britain and the mainland US. Dover is nowhere near the New Forest (as any goon reading an atlas could tell you).

Add to that a cheesy greenspeak monologue about the poor state of the planet and mankind's need to respect it, and it couldn't get any worse. (Yes it's true, but we don't need lecturing about it. Certainly not by some fictional prairie-wise New Mexico Marshal.)

Urrrch!

"McCloud" used to be one of my favourite series on TV, the heartwarming bumblings of the "seconded" New Mexico innocent abroad, or rather, in the New York jungle, somehow he always seem to come out on the winning side and delights us with the folksy turns of country people. The trio of McCloud, Chief Clifford and Joe Broadhurst as sidekick form the same buddy ensemble as, say Captain Kirk, Spock and the Doc in another series. The net effect is that they eventually worm themselves into our hearts and follow their every adventure and interchange with great interest.

This film, the return of McCloud, should have, I suspect, been quietly shelved or distributed only among fans and devotees of the series as it is I am afraid very poor; the plot is rudimentary, the parts sketchy and incomplete, and you have to squirm at times, it is so embarrassing. But all is forgiven, when you see them together, even Joe Broadhurst, being used as a sidekick once again,(he calls Clifford "Chief" even though he is now Commissioner in New York and his underling asks him about it - a delightful instance!) And the incapacitated Clifford asking McCloud to leave him to his fate - ("And that's an order!")

So, in spite of all the weaknesses, I enjoyed it very much and added the taped-from-TV copy to my McCloud collection!