The Beach Girls

As classic a piece of 80's cheeseball as you will ever find. Its worth the time watching it just to follow the "zany" antics of the gardener, who always seems to be in the right place at the wrong time. Some of the worst writing and acting anywhere, with so many bad lines delivered its hard to pick out which is the worst.

Although this sex comedy was released in 1982, it's really more of a 1970's flick in that it isn't about a bunch of geeky teenagers trying to lose their virginity, and it has a refreshingly politically incorrect attitude toward illegal drugs that is more typical of the late 70's Cheech and Chong era than the "Just Say No" Reagan era. The plot, to use the term loosely, involves a beautiful young college student who invites her two sexy girlfriends to her uncle's beach house. The uninhibited friends "Ginger" and "Ducky" quickly turn the place into a hedonist playground. But then the uncle (Adam Rourke) shows up and threatens to put the kibosh on the whole thing, so the two mischievous lasses BOTH seduce him. There's also a lame subplot about a group of marijuana smugglers trying to elude a coast guard patrol, led by "Captain Bly" (this is the sound of me forgetting to laugh), so they have to drop their "cargo" and, of course, it ends up on the beach where the girls find it.

This movie is pretty damn stupid, and it offers such witty fun as fist-fight between offensive racial stereotypes (a horny Mexican gardener and an incoherent Japanese chauffeur). The main protagonist, Debra Blee, is absolutely beautiful, even if she fails to lose her virginity, get naked, or even put on a bikini. There's plenty of nudity, however, most notably from former Playboy Playmate Jeanna Tomasino, who if I could describe with one adjective, it would be "boner-inducing" (although I don't think that's an adjective). Adam Rourke was once in real movies like "Psych Out" and "Dirty Mary, Crazy Larry", but he was obviously collecting a nice paycheck here, and he got to frolic around with naked nubiles half his age--nice work if you can get it. I'd recommend this movie if you see it the way I did--it comes on TV and you're too drunk or lazy to change the channel--but don't go too far out of your way.

The acting in this beach romp feast is not to be compared with the likes of Citizen Kane, more likely to that of Hard Bodies 1&2. This movie would by most standards be regarded as a "B" movie, but even at that it is a easy viewing movie, there's no political messages, no stands for anything, just some parody, slap-stick and a little skin. If you feel this movie may not be mentally stimulating enough, sit back,relax and mellow out for a little laughs and silliness.

This prototypical 80's film was pretty fair, I guess. This one isn't about anything but having a good time and some fun. Unlike today's party movies, this one doesn't try to be anything more than that, nor does it rely on gross out humour. Fortunately, they have a pretty attractive cast here, including one woman who looks a lot like Katie Holmes. The one lady I could recognize here was Mary Jo Catlett, who played the third maid on "Diff'rent Strokes"; here she's your Conservative type who tries to blow the whistle on the house party. Not bad, I'd watch it again, although any movie that promotes marijuana use is questionable in my eyes.

Essentially this is a remake by Crown International of their fairly successful 1978 comedy, Malibu Beach. It features the same scenario, a similar story line devoted to coming of age in a fairly pervasive drug culture, and similar comedy lines - right down to the dog that snatches bikini tops from beach babes sleeping on the sand. What do you expect from such a movie? It will not educate you, give you anything to think about, involve you in the lives of complex or interesting cast members, or even stimulate you in any way. It will however pass the short time spent quite pleasantly, particularly if you are watching it with friends or have a partner to share it with. If this is what you want, the film is competently made and deserves a fairly high rating, if you want more it is a disaster that you will inevitably class as a turkey.

I personally very much prefer it to its forerunner Malibu Beach largely I think because the characters, although transparently simple, are more real and less heavily less caricatured. If there is a message, it is that the world needs lots of readily available marihuana to put us all into a warm comfortable frame of mind in which many of the unpleasantnesses of life can be forgotten. This is a message of which I would strongly disapprove, and which would make it difficult for me to say kind words about any film. However I do not believe this film is intended to have any message at all. It simply aims to feature the lifestyle of young people who have grown up in a culture where marihuana use is widespread, without making any moral judgments. It is played purely as a farce, which gets very close to becoming pure slapstick but never quite crosses the line - again I think because the characters, whilst all overdrawn to varying extents, remain real recognisable people. I am not a lover of farce where characters tend to quickly become no more than cardboard cut-outs, but this is less of a problem here than with most farces.

I remember enjoying this film when I first saw it some 20 years ago (a time when my expectations from girlie movies were no doubt somewhat different). I recently saw the DVD release featuring it (as a double feature with "The Pom Pom Girls" - which is best quickly forgotten.), so I decided to re-view it and see how it (or I myself) had survived the years. My reaction after viewing it again was that I would love to meet one of the three main characters, who must now be middle aged matrons - probably with family responsibilities for teenagers of their own - and ask their recollections of participating in the making of this film. Movie making is never easy but I suspect that they would remember it as a real fun time which all the cast members enjoyed. The important point is that this fun not only comes out clearly in the film, but also makes it fun to watch. Within the constraints discussed above, I can only report that I enjoyed this film and rate it as worth about 3 stars out of five.