- [Talking about naming Del's baby]
- Trigger: If it's a girl they're gonna name it Sigourney, after the actress. And if it's a boy they're gonna name him Rodney, after Dave.
- Uncle Albert: During the war...
- Del Boy: [interupts Albert] If you say during the war one more time, I'll pour this cup of tea over your head.
- Uncle Albert: During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany.
- Rodney: Trigger what are you doing here?
- Trigger: Well Dave, Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.
- Rodney: Oh I suppose that's... Hold on, you live closer to the pub then we do?
- Trigger: Yeah I know, but Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.
- Rodney: But Trigger, you've had walk past the pub to get to our flat!
- Trigger: I know, but Del Boy said he'd give me a lift down the pub.
- Uncle Albert: Is that the radio I hear, Rodney?
- Rodney: No, Elton John popped in and he's rehearsing in the kitchen!
- Trigger: What you up to Dave?
- Rodney: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
- Trigger: No words to this song Dave?
- Rodney: No Trigger, it's an instrumental.
- Del Boy: All right Trigger? What you doing?
- Trigger: I'm listening to Mozart's Concerto No.5 in D-Minor.
- Del Boy: Okay.
- Trigger: It's the karaoke version.
- Grandad: Your dad always said that one day Del Boy would reach the top. Then again, he always said Millwall would win the cup.
- Mike Fisher: [Del and Rodney are trying to sell Mike a computer] What exactly does that mean?
- Del Boy: Well it means you can... you can... tell him what it means, Rodney.
- [to Mike]
- Del Boy: He's taken a course in this, he came top of his class.
- Rodney: Well, in 'layman's' terms it means you can, em, well, you er, you can record all your business deals.
- Mike Fisher: I spend half my life trying to hide my business deals. So the last thing I want is to have 'em all recorded on a floppy bloody disc! I'm not interested. Ask Trigger.
- Rodney: Trigger? With a computer? Do me a favour, he's still struggling with light switches!
- Del Boy: [after getting off a plane in Spain for winning a contest that is not all that legit] Well, before we get checked in I have gotta tell you something Rodney. This contest isn't quite as pucker as I made it out to be.
- Cassandra Parry: Well he did win didn't he?
- Rodney: [looking at the other winners] That's strange that is.
- Del Boy: What is?
- Rodney: Well I noticed it on the plane but it didn't quite register. Their all Mum's and Dad's. They have brought their kids with them.
- Del Boy: It's not the parents who are the winners Rodder's... it's the kids. You see Rodney's painting won... in the under 15 years old category.
- Cassandra Parry: So they think Rodney's 15?
- Del Boy: Nah! No, No, No. They think your 14!
- [after realizing Delboy was going a little bit TOO far out on the ocean on a Jet-Ski]
- Rodney: He's going a long way out!
- Rico: Yeah! But he's enjoying himself!
- Rodney: Yeah I know that but Del can't even swim.
- Salavatorie: BUT I THOUGHT HE SAID HE HAD A CERTIFICATE FOR SWIMMING!
- Rodney: Well he does... but it ain't his!
- Del Boy: [after Uncle Albert's suggested Rodney put himself up as a hooker] Rodney can't even *give* it away, let alone flog it!
- Uncle Albert: During the 1939-1945 conflict with Germany - I was sailing on a frigate, HMS Sphinx, in the Adriatic. Now in those days a ship's crew was full of stress and fear.
- Del Boy: Especially when they saw you walking up the gangplank!
- Uncle Albert: So our old skipper, Captain Kenworthy, used to allay all those fears by creating a counter-worry. Like one day he announced there was a cholera epidemic on the ship.
- Del Boy: I bet that cheered you all up, didn't it?
- Uncle Albert: It took their minds off the U-boats and sharks.
- Del Boy: Well, thanks for that, Unc. It's lucky your Captain Kenworthy never became a Samaritan. You wouldn't be able to get a tug under Chelsea Bridge for falling bodies!
- Rodney: I could do with another blanket here, I'm freezing.
- Del Boy: Yeah it is a bit cold.
- Uncle Albert: Cold? You bits of kids don't know the meaning of the word. You should have been with me on the Russian convoys. One night it was so cold the flame on my lighter froze.
- Rodney: [referring to a pile of broken lawnmower engines] Oi, Del... me and Mickey might have a problem getting these back to our depot. We come down on the Green Line, see?
- Del Boy: Right, well, your best bet would be to hire an open-backed truck.
- Rodney: Oh, yeah, yeah, that's what we thought, but... we were wondering if you could take a couple in the back of the van.
- Del Boy: Back of my van? You must be joking. I've only just cleared 'em out of the van!
- Rodney: You mean you were selling 'em in the first place?
- Del Boy: Yeah. That is the rubbish that Alfie Flowers sold me last week. Normally I'd never have bought it but, you know, he caught me when I was a bit non compost mentis down the one-eleven club. I never thought I'd get shot of 'em, Rodney, but you know me; he who dares wins. I actually made quite a tidy little profit on it and all.
- Rodney: And what are we supposed to do with them?
- Del Boy: Well, why don't you do what I did? Find yourselves a couple of right little plonkers with cash on the hip.
- Rodney: [Del has had a hang-gliding accident and is in a wheelchair surrounded by sympathetic well-wishers] Oh, listen to me for one minute, will you? Hospitals do not send home paralysed people by bus!
- Del Boy: [lunging to his feet and seizing Rodney around the neck] You listen to me, you little git! I may never walk again! I may...
- [realises]
- Del Boy: Though I must admit I'm getting some feeling back.
- Rodney: [pointing at Uncle Albert] Well it's his fault isn't it?
- Uncle Albert: [to Del] What's he on about now?
- Del Boy: Oh I don't bleedin know, do I?
- Rodney: Look, every single battleship, cruiser and merchant ship he ever sailed on either got torpedoed of dive-bombed... and two of them in peace-time! I'm telling you Del, that man is a jinx!
- Del Boy: Oh leave it out Rodney. You'll be burning Witches next!
- Del Boy: Oh, no, Raquel. You must never lose sight of your dream! When I was 18, I decided I was gonna be a millionaire by the time I was 21.
- Raquel Turner: Really?
- Del Boy: Yep... and when I was 21, I said I'd be a millionaire by the time I was 30... and when I was 30...
- [referring to the biscuits]
- Del Boy: Fancy a Jammy-Dodger?
- Del Boy: [after seeing what Rodney had bought with the company money] What's the weather like out?
- Uncle Albert: It's parky, Del!
- Del Boy: [sarcastic] Good, good! Nice thick frost is there?
- Uncle Albert: Bit slippery underfoot, yeah!
- Del Boy: Oh, cushty! Nice notherly wind howling in from the Urals is there?
- Uncle Albert: Cut's right through you, Del!
- Del Boy: Lovely! Because today, Uncle Albert, owing to young Rodney's foresight and GCEs, while all them other plonkers down the market are selling woolly hats and thermal under-wear, we're gonna make a right killing. Do you know why we're gonna make a right killing? We ain't got woolly underwear!
- [produces bottle from box]
- Del Boy: *We've* got sun-tan lotion! And we ain't got just a little drop of sun-tan lotion! We've got 500 bloody quids' worth of the stuff!
- Rodney: I've told you, I bought it as an investment!
- Del Boy: An Investment! Menage a trois! In the middle of the worst winter for 2 million years, with the weatherman laying odds on a new Ice Age - this dipstick goes out and buys out Amber Solaire!
- Del Boy: [after Rodney goes on a date with a Policewoman] You know what the most sobering thought of all is? One wrong word from that plonker Rodney and I could end up doing five years!
- Grandad: [Grandad is talking to an urn containing the ashes of Trigger's grandfather] I mean, I dunno why I'm even talking to you about this, Arthur, 'cause I know you can't hear me.
- Del Boy: [picking up a traffic cone and using it as a loudspeaker] That is what *you* think, Trotter!
- Grandad: Arthur? You mean... you can hear me?
- Del Boy: You're coming through louder than a CB. Rubber duck.
- Grandad: Oh, Arthur, I... I really am sorry about what happened all them years ago.
- Del Boy: Ah, but how do I know that you mean it?
- Grandad: Oh, I do, Arthur. I'd do anything to prove it to you.
- Del Boy: All right then. Tell me where your money's hidden.
- Grandad: I ain't got no money!
- Del Boy: Oh, don't give me that, you lying old git! I know you're all right for a few bob, and I want to know where it is hidden.
- Grandad: It's in me suitcase under me bed.
- Del Boy: No it ain't; I've looked.
- Marlene: Albert, you must have come back with more medals than the Russian Olympic squad!
- Uncle Albert: Oh I didn't ask for 'em! They kept giving 'em to me!