Roller Blade

I thought this movie was great! You've got nuns on rollerskates, women, punk rockers and more! If you enjoy low budget films, check this one out... it's worth it.

If you pick up horror magazines from 1986 then they promised us the next big thing, roller skate flicks. Rollerball (1975) was a big hit but all the others concerning skates were pure trash. And this do fits that line.

The acting is really terrible and the story goes nowhere so sure this is a B-flick and it does have a monster that is operated by a hand, easy to spot. It do has weird clothing and it do has a lot of nudity. I won't go into names here to see but I was surprised that a lot of girls went full frontal in the most gratuitous way. There is a bath tub scene that is just filmed for the guys.

As stupid as it can gets this is just for the B-flick lovers, I even wouldn't classify it under exploitation. Another example why horror started to fail after 1986. The franchise became ridiculous and in most horrors the gore was left out. Almost unwatchable wasn't it for the girls stripping for nothing at all...

Gore 1/5 Nudity 3/5 Effects 1/5 Story 1/5 Comedy 0/5

There are certain bad movies out there that everybody knows. People talk of "Plan Nine From Outer Space" or "Robot Monster" or more recent movies like "The Room" and "Birdemic: Shock and Terror". But this one is seemingly unknown by the majority of people and that's a shame because it's awful in such a good way.

The story, if you can call it that, takes place at some point in the future. There are no cars and the only way to get around is on roller skates. Not roller blades mind you, roller skates. The "blade" part deals with knives because people use them.

There's this doctor character with a mutant hand puppet that wants a magic crystal because something something rule the world. You know, typical bad guy stuff. But in his way are the Bod Sisters, a group of rollerskating nuns armed with knives. There's a sheriff of sorts who speaks in Elizabethan English or maybe it's supposed to be biblical, I'm not sure but it's a lot of "Yay verily" and stuff like that.

And then three of the Bod Sisters get naked in a pool and perform some ceremony in front of a glowing happy face. Why? I don't know. It's never really explained and they're never seen from again. I guess they wanted to up the sexy in this to maybe get more people to watch it?

Oh and everybody's voice is dubbed. It's like they got three or four people in the recording booth and just had them record everybody's lines.

It's a shame that this never got a DVD release because I know that I'd want a copy if for nothing else to put on my bad movie shelf. This really needs to be seen to be believed.

I recently watched the low budget picture Roller Blade (1986) on Tubi. The storyline takes place in a futuristic, apocalyptic society where an evil dictator has taken over the land and needs a crystal to become invincible. The crystal is protected by roller blading nuns who are quick to aid a rebellion who wishes to overthrow the dictator.

This picture is directed by Donald G. Jackson (Hell comes to Frogtown) and stars Pat McClung, Suzanne Solari (Mulholland Falls), Jeff Hutchinson (Hell Comes to Frogtown), Katina Garner (Hollywood Horror House) and Michelle Bauer (Virgin High).

This picture was made on a $70,000 budget but does the best it can with what it had to work with. This is one of those movies that's genuinely so bad it's good. This movie has a ton of nudity and an absolutely gorgeous cast. The nude fights on rollerblades was awesome. Theres a legendary hot tub scene and the puppet was wild. The acting isn't good, and the dialogue is awful, but I could watch this movie 100 times.

In conclusion, Roller Blade is a disaster in just about every way...but I loved it. I would score this a 5/10 but still highly recommend it.

I gave it an 8.. if you're looking for a B movie..ONLY a B movie will fit the bill..the fact that the entire cast is on rollerskates was the first clue that this was a truly a B movie.

I don't understand why folks insist on sitting through B movies and then get mad. You know it sucks. You know it's the chum of the movie world..yet..you keep looking for poached salmon..blegh.. get over it. Watch it for what it is..

Even Mother Speed (wheelchair bound) is wearing skates..holy crap..

My husband's favorite is the "Holy Hot Tub" where all wounds are healed.. with chicks with big boobs rubbing each other.. jeez.. if that doesn't say B movie..nothing does..

Get over it.. watch it for the silliness.stupidity and complete ridiculous premise.. have some FUN..jeez.. it ain't art..tis... crap.. enjoy it!!!!