Horror House on Highway Five

I've read many, many lengthy, compelling reviews of HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY FIVE. Every single one of them ripped this little straight-to-video obscurity to shreds. None of these reviews even hinted that the film could be considered at least slightly amusing, if even for camp value. It was because of this type of incessant, brutal criticism the movie has received by the few people who have actually seen it that I decided to seek it out and give it a go. When I finally saw it, I was stunned. No review, no plot summary, or no inane message-board-horror-freak banter could have prepared me for the experience.

HORROR HOUSE ON HIGHWAY FIVE has an approximate running time of 90 minutes, but to me, it was all a blur. I popped in the tape and was immediately bombarded with a barrage of surreal, incoherent images and eerily funny yet nonsensical lines of dialogue. For the first time in years, I was glued to my television set. There was really no plot per se, but rather a constant stream of cinematic insanity involving a man in a Nixon mask, two Nazi brothers, pot smoking hippies, dead cats, homemade explosives, dancing, chloroform hijinx, and a disturbingly unfitting, genre-defiant soundtrack.

Now, mind you, I am no stranger to the vast world of bizarre movies. I thoroughly enjoy flicks such as ERASERHEAD, SWEET MOVIE, BEGOTTEN, UN CHIEN ANDALOU, and EL TOPO. But for whatever reason, this movie affected me on a level that no other has, and I'm having a hard time pinpointing why. Perhaps it's because films like the ones I just listed knew exactly what they were doing. They were meant to be disturbing, bizarre, and confusing, thus making their weirdness easier to accept. But I'm not so sure HHOH5 even realizes just how strange it really is. I'm sure its intent was simply to spook and shock its viewers, but instead it comes across as some kind of completely accidental minimalist/surrealist/faux-arthouse pic. Imagine blending the works of Nick Zedd, Ed Wood, and Salvador Dali. Yes, it's just that weird.

So did I like this movie? I honestly don't know. For once in my life a movie has sent my emotions into a whirlwind, and trying to determine my feelings about it is nothing short of impossible. It's almost as if HHOH5 has caused some kind of chemical imbalance in my brain. I will say this, though: it was definitely entertaining, but don't know if I could ever prepare myself to endure its lunacy a second time.

I rented this with such skepticism. And you know, I thought it would be so cool. Really violent and terrifying. It would be disgustingly gory at times, and just somewhat above the bar horror yarn. What I got was something so totally different.

The movie starts with this woman in her home. Her husband goes out somewhere, telling her he'll be back. Pretty soon, he's a goner, and his killer takes a Nixon mask the guy used to scare his wife and puts it on. Then the wacko goes into the house to get the wife. The scene moves so damn slow, even though it is supposed to be scary. There is, like, no sound, the wife reacts to everything, like, five or ten seconds after it happens, and there's this really gross scene where she falls on this glass table and her whole wrist is shredded up and off. And there's, like, two drops of blood! Then the scene continues, and we all knows what happens next.

The movie moves on, and we find out about this wacko father and his two sons. Then enter these three college students getting to know about Highway Five. One of the girls--I can't remember why--meets the two brothers, who eventually invite her back to their apartment. It's all so very surreal. Eventually, that night, they kidnap her and take her to their house up on Highway Five.

The two others--a freaky pothead guy and some hippie-esque girl--head up to this abandoned lot on Highway Five in their van, to do something. Research, I suppose. I have faint memory. Cut to many scenes with the other girl, then nighttime. This movie is so weird and I won't tell you everything, but soon, the killers start killing everybody off until this long--and quite weird--chase scene with the hippie and Nixon. Then an ending that I have to admit, left me on the edge of my seat until the very unique and very cool ending.

I totally suggest checking this movie out. It has cult potential. I could watch this many times. It is so weird. If you find this, PLEASE see it. At first, you will hate it, then you will like it for how cheesy it is. If anything, you have never seen anything like this before.

I only hope my VCR can recover. Lets rate the individual parts shall we:

Acting - BAD Story Line - BAD Dialoge - BAD Cinematography - BAD Effects - BAD

Well, you get the picture. No, don't get the picture. This movie was surprisingly made in 1985. It looks more like an early 70's movie. You would hope at least their would be some gratuitous nudity or some gory killing. But no. The killing scenes are comical and the women remain annoyingly unexposed. The Nixon mask thing could have been more comical if the directors and producers had any clue but alas, they do not.

Some college kids head out to the woods to do some research on the V-2 rocket developed by the Nazis during WWII and run afoul of a couple of cultists and a killer running around wearing a Richard Nixon mask, who may or may not be a resurrected Nazi. This is just such an odd film that I was transfixed by it. I can't tell if the film's quirkiness is intentional or a result of ineptitude (most likely a combination of both). Director Richard Casey will definitely confuse the viewer as one scene will be poorly staged and the next surprisingly clever (the final shot from inside the van as it pulls away from the final girl on a highway is very well done). The soundtrack is filled with popular rock songs, which I'm sure they had absolutely no license to use. Some re-releases remove them entirely. Ronald Reagan gets credited as the killer Richard Nixon. Haha.

HHOH5 will cause any "Scream"-fan to shut the tape off in under three minutes. However, fans of horrible horrors will eat up the killer-in-a-Richard-Nixon mask thing, as well as plenty of priceless dialogue. You've been warned.