Afghanistan Connection

Only the fact that this Rambo knock-off somehow beat Rambo III to the punch with its Afghan setting does little to lift this absolutely dull and routine action movie with lots of action but not the budget or energy to make any of it exciting.

Basically another "mercenaries in the jungle" flick, minus a jungle, Days of Hell follows the adventures of a group of four soldiers of fortune bumbling around Afghanistan and blowing things up. It's honestly only about half as fun as it sounds, as much of the footage of the said killing and exploding is itself recycled over and over. Conrad Nichols plays the group leader of course, obediently followed by his friendly underlings Michael J. Fox-lookalike Ottaviano Dell'Acqua and Jorge Rivero-lookalike Howard Ross, while Werner Pochath is of course the overbearing loose cannon of the team. Officially their mission, as relayed by corporate bigwig Stelio Candelli is to rescue some Japanese woman and her father from Afghanistan. Of course the whole thing is just a big setup to hide some sort of international conspiracy to ship chemical weapons to Iraq or something, but it's nothing too big for our stalwart seemingly infallible and invincible heroes to crack. The most entertainment comes in trying to decide whether they kill more Russian soldiers or Afghan rebels.

Oh yeah, one particular little Afghan boy joins the group and proves his mettle by killing Russians. Also, Riccardo Petrazzi pops by as the requisite scummy assassin who (of course) double-crosses the group and (even more of course) gets killed. (stretch) (yaaawwnnn….)

Well, I have nothing against action movies. In fact I prefer to watch movies with a relatively high number of explosions and people getting shot and falling down. But for Pete's sake, would it be too much to ask for a little variety with this premise? This movie contains absolutely zero tension, surprises, or climaxes. There are several action scenes with plentiful gun-play, but they quickly grow repetitive and tiresome. It's pretty obvious that the "Afghan" locations are actually the Italian woods, and it's curious that no matter where the heroes are, they still seem to be stuck in the same field near a very Alpine-looking forest. It's also pretty obvious that only one of the voice dubbers (Ted Rusoff) actually spoke Russian, as every Russian in the movie speaks with the same distinct voice, as do a couple of the other characters!

The funniest thing about the action scenes has to be Conrad Nichols (AKA Bruno Minniti) and his hilariously underwhelming enthusiasm. He seems to sleepwalk through his role until he whips out a gun and starts shooting, at which point he never fails to open his mouth making the weirdest "shooting face" that I've ever seen. He basically just stares forward with his jaw gaping EVERY time he fires his miniature CAR- 15. He looks like Charlie Sheen perpetually saying "booga booga!", of course minus the audio. The rest of the cast looks pretty bored, except for the many extras who die over and over again. Bland photography and unremarkable synthesizer music supposedly by Francesco De Masi don't help things either.

Days of Hell is a decidedly rare action movie that will probably stay that way. While it's perhaps somewhat more unintentionally funny than most of Ricci's other efforts, the sheer dullness on display sinks it into the realm of forgettable action.

Italian genre directors found their budgets ever falling throughout the 1980s as the country's film-making industry went into a decline. Sadly, this meant that for fans of the prolific Italian exploitation films churned out since the late '50s, the quality of the films was always declining and productions started getting few and far between. Indeed in the late '80s and early '90s, barely any movies got released outside of their native country and those that did – for example, KARATE WARRIOR – were hardly worth it in the first place. DAYS OF HELL is a dirt cheap war movie (a genre that briefly flourished in Italy in the wake of America's Rambo and his friends) that marks a sorry way to end thirty years of solid entertainment and spectacle. Cult director Tonino Ricci – the subject of much criticism throughout the years, but who could usually be relied upon to deliver entertaining B-movie produce – re-teamed some of his cheapest and hardest-working "stars" from the likes of RUSH: THE ASSASSIN and its sequel RAGE and the end result is a curiously uninvolving slice of vintage escapism.

The action rages constantly as DAYS OF HELL begins to tell its story. A hospital tent in a field is attacked by a shot of a helicopter (this shot is repeated ad infinitum throughout the movie due to budget constraints). Apparently a scientist and his daughter are kidnapped, although the action is so confusingly portrayed that you're never quite sure of what is going on. The scene shifts to a really crappy set, supposedly in Miami, where the heads of state (a bunch of old, tired-looking guys) recruit a crack team to go into Afghanistan and rescue the two kidnapped hostages. That's the whole plot set-up. The rest of the film is just one great big long action scene.

The action comes thick and fast and never lets up. Dozens of enemy jeeps and trucks are blown up and attacked by our heroes. Attacks by angry rebels lead to lots of cliff-top shoot-outs and gun battles through the terrain. The attack on the enemy base is violent and full of death and there are bandana-wearing traitors, a kid who throws grenades at people, and some really cheap special effects work. Sadly none of this is as exciting as it sounds. For a start the budget constraints mean that there isn't even any room for squib hits. Guys just fall over bloodlessly when shot. Mini trampolines are used at every opportunity to show enemy soldiers flying through the air. Case in point: two radio operators in a room. A grenade is thrown in, blowing one out of one window. Another grenade is thrown in, blowing the other out of the opposite window. There are lots of stunt men used in this film but Ricci is unable to make the action very moving or even exciting, despite the effort put into it. Sure, a good storyline always helps, but I don't mind watching mindless action if it is done well. Sadly Ricci has neither a good story or any good action, the result is a not very good movie.

Beefcake hero Conrad Nichols (THOR THE CONQUEROR) takes the lead as the muscular commando fighter. Sadly his acting ranges between wooden (any dialogue scene) and overacting (his open-mouthed battle sequences) with no balance in between. He's more hopeless here than in any other film I've watched him in. Thankfully there are a couple of good character actors in support who nearly make the film worthwhile (I say nearly as, unfortunately, their characters are bland they are unable to make much of them). Howard Ross (THE PYJAMA GIRL CASE) is a battle-hardened mercenary with dyed black hair and Werner Pochath (BLOODLUST) plays his usual stereotyped character, a nervous and edgy team member who loses it more often than not.

Watch out for the scenes where characters discuss chemical weapons coming out of Iraq to attack the West. A strangely prophetic line of dialogue in a movie which is in all other respects a waste of time, effort and (little) money. When the setting amounts to a piece of wasteland and a field somewhere in Italy you know you're in for a bad time. When that same field is used as a dozen different locations you just know that the film is in trouble. Sadly, DAYS OF HELL cannot escape such constraints, making it a film that only really dedicated genre fans might get a kick out of.

Badly produced film in the endless Italian action genre. This film scrapes even the barrel of 80s Italian cinema. Unconvincing in every respect, the acting is almost as bad as the dubbing and the production values are almost as bad as the European locations posing as the middle east. A movie which seems to be utterly useless, a complete waste of time and cannot be recommended. Not even fun, it is simply tedious and boring from start to finish and doesn't fit into the so bad it's good category. Footage of Miami was actually shot for an earlier film "Thunder Squad" directed by Umberto Lenzi. Luigi Mezzanotte (here credited as Conrad Nichols) worked with director Tonino Ricce (here Anthony Richmond) on the equally terrible "Thor: The Conqueror". Thankfully, both seem to have crawled back into the woodwork of Italian cinema and haven't bothered us since.

A truly awful film, not worth any amount of money. There are many fun Italian B-pictures, but this is not one of them. This is a grade Z movie and is just as bad as it sounds.

If there was a 0 out of 10, this would get it, but I'll have to settle for a complimentary 1 out of 10.

Boring Italian commando rescue mission film.

Elite group of three commandos are given the mission of rescuing an old professor and his daughter from the Russian forces in the middle east. They are meant to work in co-op with the local islamist rebels.

Nothing in this one to recommend. Uninspired acting, the most basic plot, no budget, no innovation, "no nothing".

Bottom of the barrel.

Released on video in Finland.