Barbarian Queen

The only reason I can recommend this movie is if you want to see women showing off their tits. Sorry. I had to say it. There is nothing else worth watching here. Sloppy editing, bad acting (Lana Clarkson and Katt Shea shows their acting talents (both of them) and crap music. I have to admit that I fell asleep during the middle of this movie as well. I love sword-and-sorcery, adventure and fantasy movies but this is just tiresome. The story is promising enough (as a revenge flick), but the warrior women only manage to get captured every few minutes so that they can be tortured (topless, of course). Watch something else instead. Is it a sequel you say? Do you think that I'm going to watch it?

I had a theory about movies. For every two minutes of Bad movie you need one minute of Nudity to make it watchable. This movie puts that theory to the test, and disproves it with a glorious vigor.

I think most every female in this movie was topless for the majority of it. The story is milk toast, but what I found the most absurd is just how bad the acting was. I mean it was Tommy Wiseau bad. In fact the nudity and acting are so bad there's almost a shamelessness about it. As though it's proud of how bad it is. And for that I would actually recommend it for anyone who wants to see a lot of breasts in a low budget Connan rip off.

For those who are feeling daring I offer the barbarian Queen Drinking game. This requires two teams, Team One is team acting and Team two is Team Boobs. For ever poorly acted line of dialog, team Acting takes a drink, For every set of boobs you see, team Boobs takes a drink. Please keep an EMT handy and sober as most likely more than one person will almost die of alcohol poisoning. You've been warned

41 seconds in and you have a topless woman. Thanks to Shout Factory this glorious entry into the 80's Sword and Sorcery trash cinema along with Amazons was just released on a Blu-ray double bill. All I can say is "Thank you." I remember watching this gem when it first came out, along with every other entry into the genre. Roger Corman, you sir were in integral part of my misspent teens. Is it complete garbage, yep but it's my type of garbage. Every single one of these Sword and Sorcery "films" are cinematic gold. Plain and simple. Scoff if you will but I bet I'm not alone.

After surviving a brutal attack on her village on the day of her wedding to a tribal prince (Frank Zagarino), a tough female warrior (the late Lana Clarkson) seeks revenge. With the help of two equally powerful warriors (Katt Shea, Susana Traverso), she recruits more rebels before taking the battle to an evil army led by an evil king (Arman Chapman).

Silly, poorly acted (and poorly dubbed) romp is loaded with action and gratuitous nudity (just about every female bares it all, including Clarkson). Nothing original here, except the heroine using her vagina as a weapon against one of her captors and he complains that she's "too tight." Trashy and entertaining at the same time. My evaluation: ** out of ****.

Barbarian Queen is one of the cycle of sword and sandal flicks that were popular in the mid 80's. Back then the formula seemed to incorporate lots of sword fights and lots of semi naked girls. This flick certainly adheres to this principle that's for sure, especially the bit about the naked girls. In fact I guess if you were inclined towards political correctness you could label Barbarian Queen as a film that is a little bit sexist. But I myself am quite partial to salacious genre movies and I lapped this one up quite a bit. The story really isn't too important but suffice to say it features a group of Amazonian type women on a quest to get vengeance on a tribe of incredibly misogynistic men who opened up the movie by raping and murdering their people.

There's lots of sex and violence in this one. And for what it's worth, the breast count appeared to be astronomical as well. It's certainly a movie that delivers on its promise and that is certainly not a bad thing. Lana Clarkson plays the titular heroine with some gusto. She's pretty good in the action scenes as well as the nude ones. Of the latter there is a somewhat erotic scene where she is tied up in a torture chamber. Somewhat notably, she escapes from this seemingly doomed situation by defeating her jailer by way of a rather extreme application of the Cleopatra Grip (I'll let you look that one up!). You have to give a film marks for originality for the likes of this, that's for sure.

Barbarian Queen has a story and action that is by-the-numbers really but it gains points for gratuitous excess. They don't really seem to make them like this anymore and that is a bit of a shame.