Lenny von Dohlen credited as playing...
Miles
- Miles Harding: "You can play it for her, you can play it for me."
- Edgar: What?
- Miles Harding: Play it, Sam.
- Edgar: What key?
- Miles Harding: Your favorite.
- Edgar: You want verses first, or the choruses?
- Miles Harding: Any way you like.
- Edgar: Yeah!
- [instrumental bridge of Jeff Lynne's song "Video" plays]
- Edgar: [singing] Hug, hold, squeeze and lick / Darling, I love you to bits / And I want to see your tits.
- Miles Harding: [after a date gone wrong] Wake up! We're gonna have it out right now! WAKE UP GOD DAMN IT!
- [Miles slams keyboard]
- Edgar: [emits an infernal yell]
- Miles Harding: What was that?
- Edgar: [screen turns red] Don't *ever* do that again.
- Miles Harding: *Don't* tell me what to do!
- Edgar: [emits another infernal yell]
- Miles Harding: And stop that infernal noise! She'll hear you!
- Edgar: Maybe that's what I want.
- Miles Harding: GOD DAMN IT! Listen, I'm warning you, if you ever...
- Edgar: Don't warn me of anything. Just go away. I'll handle this myself.
- Miles Harding: It's time I handled you!
- [Miles shuts Edgar off]
- Edgar: [self-powering on] You think I need that?
- Miles Harding: Sweet dreams.
- Edgar: What's a dream?
- Miles Harding: A dream is a wish your heart makes when you're fast asleep.
- Edgar: [skeptical] Who says?
- Miles Harding: Walt Disney. Sleeping Beauty, nineteen... fifty.
- Edgar: No, it was Cinderella, 1949.
- Miles Harding: [exasperated] Good *night*!
- Edgar: [cheekily] 'Night.
- Miles Harding: I can't play that for her. "I want to squeeze you, lick you, pucker up and kiss you"? You make her sound like a lemon!
- Edgar: But Moles, they rhyme!
- [Miles, late for work, goes to leave, but the computer-controlled electronic lock is still engaged on the apartment door]
- Miles Harding: Damn.
- [Miles goes to the computer to unlock the door]
- Computer's Monitor: hello moles // ever used a computer / before?
- Miles Harding: God damn it!
- Computer's Monitor: then we'll work
- [camera pans away as Miles tries door again]
- Computer's Monitor: [on green background, centered] HOME SECURITY // PROGRAM RESTRICTED // SCIENCE OFFICER / EYES ONLY.
- Miles Harding: [flipping through manual] "Science officer eyes only"? I'll kill 'em. I'll kill 'em!
- [Miles tears out a page and hits two keys]
- Computer's Monitor: [with blinking green/black cursor below] PLEASE IDENTIFY
- Miles Harding: [single-finger typing, aloud] First Lieutenant Sulu
- Computer's Monitor: [at cursor, as he types] 1st Lieutenant Sulu
- [electronic deadbolt unlocks with two-tone beep]
- Computer's Monitor: WELCOME SULU. // ENTRY PERMITTED
- Miles Harding: [as he leaves] That's it! Tomorrow you go back!
- Woman at Airport: Hello. How are you?
- Miles Harding: Oh, fine, thank you. And you?
- Woman at Airport: Where do you live?
- Miles Harding: Uh, San Francisco.
- Woman at Airport: Where do you work?
- Miles Harding: Well I work there too, or at least I used to if I don't get back in time.
- Woman at Airport: Where is the Post Office?
- Miles Harding: The what? The Post Office! I think I saw one back by Air Fiji.
- Woman at Airport: Do you have any bananas?
- Miles Harding: [confused] I beg your pardon?
- Woman at Airport: I like your blue vase.
- Miles Harding: [tapping woman on leg] Excuse me.
- Woman at Airport: [removing obscured headphones] ¿Como?
- Voice on headphones: ¿Cuantos son los pantalones rojas?
- Miles Harding: Oh, sorry.
- Voice on headphones: How much...
- Edgar: [with a progressively more frowning face] I *want* to *meet* her! Moles?
- [Miles, brushing his teeth, rolls his eyes]
- Edgar: Moles?
- Edgar: [sending a power surge through the electric toothbrush] Moles, I want to meet her!
- Miles Harding: [in pain and surprise] Oh!
- Miles Harding: [turns off the toothbrush] Oh, that is really sick!
- Miles Harding: [yanks the computer control module off the toothbrush cord and throws it under Edgar's desk] From now on stay out of this room!
- [Miles slams the bathroom door]
- Miles Harding: [reading from manual] "Welcome to the world of Pinecone Computers. This model will learn with you, so type your name and press Enter key to begin."
- Computer's Monitor: [beeps as Miles types] MOLES
- Miles Harding: Oh, that's wrong.
- Computer's Monitor: [beeping as it displays] hello moles // ever used a computer / before?
- Miles Harding: [typing and talking] N, O.
- Computer's Monitor: [as he types] NO
- Miles Harding: And my name's not Moles.
- Computer's Monitor: ok moles // then we'll work / slowly.
- Miles Harding: [talking to his computer] I thought you might like to meet a friend. Or at least my boss's computer.
- [phone handset clicking]
- Miles Harding: It's for you.
- [puts handset into acoustic coupler modem]
- Miles Harding: Hope it feels all right.
- Work Computer Monitors: ACOUSTIC LINE ACTIVE
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: [with blinking question mark] PASSWORD ?
- Miles Harding: [to himself] What was Riley's password? Some fairy tale. Snow White?
- [In upstairs apartment, Madeline blow-dries her hair, feels chilly, and opens an air vent]
- Miles Harding: [through air vent] Hello, Cinderella.
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: PASSWORD cinderella?
- [screen clears]
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: IMPROPER ENTRY // DISCONNECT?
- Miles Harding: [while typing N, O, Enter] Not, so, fast.
- [heard through air vent]
- Miles Harding: You just got here.
- Madeline Robistat: [overhearing] Pardon me.
- Miles Harding: [going to fridge] Fairy tale. Crown Prince? Three Bears? No beer. Ugly Duckling?
- [takes champagne bottle]
- Miles Harding: Little Red Riding Hood? Jack and the Beanstalk?
- [unwrapping cork]
- Miles Harding: Rasputin... Rapunzel... Rumplestiltskin!
- Madeline Robistat: "Rumplestiltskin"?
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: PASSWORD ACCEPTED / PLEASE INDICATE MEMORY SIZE
- Miles Harding: "Memory size". Unlimited.
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: [Miles typing] unlimited
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: YOU WANT EVERYTHING?
- Miles Harding: [smiles] Everything!
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: TRANSMITTING DATA
- Work Computer Monitors: [text scrolls by on one display and diagrams flash on another]
- Pinecone Computer's Monitor: [the same diagrams flash with text scrolling in lower quarter]
- Work Computer Monitors, Pinecone Computer's Monitor: [all displays suddenly go faster and Miles desk vibrates]
- Miles Harding: [reaches for phone handset, it flashes, shocking him] Ahh! It's too hot! It's gonna melt! Water!
- [champagne bottle cork pops]
- Madeline Robistat: Huh?
- [Miles pours the champagne into the keyboard, flowing over all the internal circuitry. Crystal patterns spread through the integrated circuits. Miles looks defeated as the displayed image melts down and away as the case smokes]
- Madeline Robistat: Real tiger that one. Thank God I work nights!
- [Madeline dives into bed amongst stuffed toy animals]