- Harold: [Just before dropping Mr. Bravo in to a swimming pool from a balcony] You know what you're problem is Bravo? You're so short, your brain is just too close to your asshole.
- Tyrone: ...and don't think I feel sorry for you 'cause your daddy died. My father came back from the Korean War with his brains so scrambled, he thought he was Jesus! They put him in a nuthouse for five years, when he came out, he didn't think he was Jesus no more, he thought he was God. Which made me Jesus. This shit got pretty heavy.
- Albert Hockenberry: You're a real fine musician, Baba.
- Baba: Yeah? Well, I guess my fame and fortune attest to that. But, I'm not complaining. Music is still the best way I know to fight off a little thing I like to call 'the Big Fear.'
- Albert Hockenberry: Death.
- Baba: Death? No, it isn't death. Death, believe me, is a little fear! The Big Fear, the real fear, is that hard times might squeeze you so bad, you'll be driving *every* day of the week. It's the fear that the music you're writing, or your brilliant first novel that's like a draft away from being a best-seller, or your plans for law school, have to wait. You see, Albert, after all that it takes... the hopes and dreams, and the whole bag of tricks that you need just to walk around on the planet, well... the Big Fear, Albert, is that you're becoming a cab driver!
- [last lines]
- Tyrone: Where to?
- Angel of Death: I am the Angel of Death. Take me to hell.
- Tyrone: Got any luggage?
- Samson: Why don't you get off the street and get a decent job?
- Hooker In Mr. T's Cab: Cause I need the bread!
- Samson: Then get a job at the bakery.
- Tyrone: This is the same jug Abraham Lincoln used. One drink and he freed the slaves. And we ain't had a job since.
- Dell: Bruce Lee ain't dead you know. They got him krytonized down in Chatsworth, he's jammed in a silo and he's frozen hard as a carp . And they're gonna melt him down as soon as the economy gets better.
- Dell: Heck nobody goes in the army any more, except blacks. Someday one nigger's gonna wakeup and say, "We got the guns and the mustard gas and the tanks, hey were runnin the army!" And they're gonna take over the whole damn country and we'll be in with them already - we'll be Token Whites. Think about it.
- Dell: [to Tyrone and Albert] Listen, let me tell you something. You're lucky those porkchops didn't shoot you and say you're crazed on PCP, 'cause that's what they always say about everybody they shoot. And I think they're lacing the bullets with PCP, that way they got an alibi for killing everybody. Now think about it.
- Irene Cara: Are you always dressed like that?
- Tyrone: [as Uncle Sam] No, last week I was the Statue of Liberty, but I couldn't get the crown on over my curlers.
- Maudie: [stopping Albert in diner as he tries to sneak off to talk to Claudette] Mister, now someday a handsome young man who is not a Cabbie is gonna walk through that door, carrying flowers and chocolates and some other gifts. And he is going to present himself and ask permission to take Claudette out on a respectable date. Now until that time, I want you to think of this place as a convent and her as a nun! Get it? N-O-N-E! Get out!
- Xavier: [to Albert on getting his license] Hey, baby! Congratulations! Welcome to the wonderful world of minimum wages!
- Ophelia: [addressing cabbies after Albert's motivational speech] You know, this is the first conversation around here that actually made any sense.
- Tyrone: Tell me you're wearing your daddy's boots!
- Albert Hockenberry: What?
- Tyrone: Tell me you're wearing your daddy's boots!
- Albert Hockenberry: I'm wearing them!
- Ambassador's Son: Albert?
- Albert Hockenberry: Uh-huh.
- Ambassador's Son: This your first time being kidnapped?
- Albert Hockenberry: Uh-huh.
- Ambassador's Son: It's our third.
- Ambassador's Daughter: Yeah, don't worry!
- Xavier: [to a worker in the hospital] Are these sheets changed every day? And I don't mean from room to room!