Bog

After an explosive beginning, featuring senseless fish slaughter, and the unforgettable theme song "Walk With Me", BOG unfolds.

When two beer-guzzling imbeciles lose their crabby wives to an unknown horror, the sheriff (Aldo Ray), Dr. Wednesday (Marshall Thompson), and Ginny Glenn (Gloria Dehaven) are on the case.

Simultaneously, the two aforementioned fishermen follow the town moron into the wilderness, where the local hag (Dehaven again) tells them the legend of the creature they encountered.

In another neck of the woods, Wednesday romances Ginny, while "Walk Witth Meee" plays once again. Where might one purchase this musical masterpiece? Further deaths occur.

BOG IS A SHOWCASE FOR: #1- Aldo Ray, who rants and emotes in a way that Bill T. Shatner would envy! #2- Hundreds of impossibly huge sideburns on parade! #3- Loads of scintillating, pseudo-scientific gobbledygook! #4- That melodic treasure-beyond-price, "Wwwaaalkk Wittthh Meeee" to work its magic in our very souls! #5- The monster, which is -understandably- barely shown, until the finale, when the ludicrous lobster-man causes laughs aplenty!

EXTRA POINTS FOR: #1- The monster's growl, which is a combination of a rhinoceros, someone farting through a trumpet, and my grandfather snoring! #2- The filmmaker's bold decision to play "Wwwwaaaallllkkk Wwwwiittthhh Mmmeeeeeeeeeeee" over the end credits! Bravo!...

I'm a devotee of bad films ("Manos, the Hands of Fate" is one of my favorites; no, seriously, I really like it!), but "Bog" was just a bit too dumb, even for me. Oh, I don't deny that it had it's moments. But in between those moments was a lot of dead space. I was surprised by the "love scene" between the film's two leads. I think this is, without question, the oldest love scene I've ever witnessed! Now, it's not graphic by any stretch of the imagination, but how often do you see a 50-year-old woman making out with a 60-year-old man? Heck, how often do you see a 50-year-old woman who is supposed to be our eye-candy? I've got to give the movie props for striking a blow for the geriatric community!

I purchased the movie as I am a devout fan of Gloria DeHaven and had never even heard of it before. From the first scene I became aware of the poor quality of the film (which was factory-sealed) and also the mundane acting. The scary parts were just plain stupid. Gloria DeHaven was good in her roll as Ginny and the love story line was pat. I just couldn't believe that an actress of her quality could have stooped to such a clunker. I was also aggravated that I couldn't find a date anywhere on the tape. I knew by the cars and fashions that it had been done in the 70's, but the date on the cover said 1988. Not possible. Was this monstrosity ever released in theaters? Dear God who would have paid to see it? Looked like the most low-budget horror flick ever!!

There must be many different ways to look at BOG. I, however, can't find any of them. One has to wonder why the creators of this cinematic gem never chose to insert a "The" before the title, why an actress obviously plays two parts, or why the titular "bog" in question is actually a lake. Possibly the only defining moments in this film can be seen during the preview. Pay special attention to the cop who, completely off-cue, screams out "Look, look! Hey, look over there! Look!" Now there's some classic dialogue.

BOG is one of those movies that cannot be described in words. Well, that is, if the words "atrocious" and "stomach-churning" and "mind-boggling" aren't in your vocabulary. The kissing scene, Jenson's ode to "the dummies," the gratuitous laboratory scenes and Adrianna's monologue dealing with the tribulations of the Namin/Wadna/Crat creature are all featured players when it comes to the hilarity of this stinker. I'm afraid, though, that the monster (or man in monster suit) takes the cake, ahem, rice-cake that is. Don't get me wrong, this film is great. It's one of the worst movies I've ever seen. I love it!