La Bataille des étoiles

Where to begin? The clothes all look like they're from a 30's sci fi film, even though this was made in the 70s. The dubbing is terrible. The plot is almost totally incoherent; it centers around a hothead space captain who believes that he can make better decisions than computers, and therefore is always getting into trouble (though in this film, he's probably right considering that the main computer is called "The Wiz", no kidding!). The characters actions often don't make any sense, like one scene where two crew members die, but everyone else is happy for no good reason. The evil giant robot looks like something they made on purpose to make people laugh, but you're supposed to think it's scary. Throughout everything, the deadly earnest and serious tone of the acting and story just makes the whole experience more surreal and more funny. My favorite scenes: destroying the giant robot/computer, and the space command guys dealing with the reporters. This film is worth seeing with a bunch of friends, with or without any substances that may enhance one's sense of humor!

Alfonso Brecsia's second bargain-basement attempt to cash in on the success of 'Star Wars' finds the crew of a spaceship drawn by an inexplicable force to a planet where a malignant computer rules over the Goniani, whose bodies are slowly (and gruesomely) disintegrating, hence their desire to take over our bodies (and planet). Fortunately, we are aided by friendly Ganymedeans, one of whom is a psychically powerful curly-haired child (who looks like he escaped from 'Fellini's Roma'). I watched this bargain-bin Italian space opera on YouTube (after several false starts - some of Brecsia's cheap sci-fi films are listed under an incorrect or a new title, and in some cases, the film supposedly 'Battle in Outer Space' is actually 'Star Crash' (1980), an equally cheesy but slightly less frugal example of Italian post Star Wars sci-fi). As Brecsia's space-opera quadrilogy share cast members, special effects, props, set pieces, and plot elements, telling them apart at a glance can be challenging. Although generally silly, 'Battle of the Stars'* has some moments. I watched a dubbed version, so won't comment on the script or the acting but there were some adequate special efforts to buoy up the terrible ones, the make-up of the decaying Gonianins was oozy-fun, and, other than the tedious opening song ('We are not alone in space'), I generally liked the music. All in all, this film is better than 'War of the Planets' (1977), Brecsia's first attempt at riding the 'Star Wars' wave - faint praise but still praise. *aka 'Battle in Interstellar Space'

If Alien (1980) is my "ten stars" and Doomsday Machine (1972) is my "zero stars," then Cosmos: War of the Planets -- as result of it being ever-so-slightly more competently made than Doomsday Machine -- should be "one star," but I pushed it to "two stars" for the nostalgia value. However, regardless of my youthful, UHF-TV softspot, make no mistake: Cosmos -- produced and released quickly in 1977 to cash in on Star Wars -- is an absolute mess across the disciplines of directing, cinematography, editing, costuming, and effects. Thus, as for the next four films in the series (? !), all are one-star efforts: and this one is NOT a retitle of Cosmos: War of the Planets, as oft-critically opined.

Oh, yes. After Cosmos: War of the Planets, Alfonzo Brescia returned with his "Empire Strikes Back" (aka, Part II) in the form of Battaglie negli spazi stellar (aka Battle in Interstellar Space), but it was given a new, stateside title because it sounds suspiciously like "Battlestar Galactica." And since that was Glen Larson's cheap-jack Lucas rip, that makes this a Star Wars rip twice removed.

You never heard of or seen this second film (out of the five, total) because Al's "Star Wars II" suffered from poor theatrical distribution and a weak reissue via home video and TV syndication (unlike the debut film, Cosmos: War of the Planets, which streams on Smart TV platforms in 2023!). Then, with all the alternate titling that plagues European films as they're distributed to the international markets, spacesploitation buffs believed the almost-impossible-to-find Battle of the Stars was Cosmos -- with a new title. It's not helping when the main cast of familiar Italian actors of John Richardson (he's "Capt. Fred Hamilton" in Cosmos; "Capt. Mike Leyton," here), Gianno Garko, Malisa Longo, Antonio Sabato, West Buchanan, and Yanti Somer -- with most of their supporting cast -- appear in the subsequent films of the "series" as different characters (well, they're the same character-types, but with different names), adding to the continuity confusion.

Regardless, it's not the same film.

Battle of the Stars is an entirely "new" film that cannibalizes Cosmos for stock footage -- and all the costumes and sets return. As is the case with most "sequels" (Alien vs. Aliens and Mad Max vs. The Road Warrior being the exceptions to the rule), Battle is a just remake/reimage of Cosmos -- with a little script tweak: Instead of Earthlings traveling to the planet-home of the evil computer, this time: the rogue planet (or was it an asteroid; don't care) without-an-orbit-and-upset-sentient-being running it comes to Earth (from the orbit of Ganymed, Jupiter's moon) -- which was the plot of Margheriti's Battle of the Planets from his '60s "Gamma One" series. Hey, er, uh, what happened to the ship with its computer, "The Wiz," possessed by the alien computer in Cosmos '77? Is that cleared up in Part III? Nope, that plotline is done and gone.

Look, as someone who has seen Cosmos: War of the Planets a few times (oh, the nostalgia of stupid youth): there is no "sport fishing on Earth" scene and there's no androgynous, platinum blonde 12-year-old alien decked out in a silver chain mail spacesuit helping the Earthlings with an ersatz Marksman-H training remote Jedi-ball. But there is in Battle of the Stars.

So, yeah, it's the same effect shots, same sets, same actors, even the same situations (that 2001-inspired space station repair, again, and that sentient alien computer set, again). But it's a different film. It's not up for debate: it's two different film, space ace.

Other inept, Italian-made "Star Wars" films to enjoy are The Humanoid, Star Crash, and the even-more inept than Cosmos: Escape from Galaxy III, aka Star Crash II. So, when it comes to Italian space epics, go to the master: Mario Bava and his late '60s delight (that Alien borrowed a LOT from), Planet of the Vampires -- that rates "ten stars" (in 1960s years; in 2023-years, it nets "eight stars"). If you look under "Critic Reviews" and search for "B&S About Movies," I offer a deeper examination of all five films in Alfonzo Brescia "Star Wars" series -- but opted to post a special "User Review" to call out this film that, again, many junk sci-fi fans didn't know existed, because they thought it was a repack-retitle of Cosmos.

Isn't it interesting how often in these poor science fiction, there is a loose cannon. In this one, it's a commander that is fed up with being given instructions by computers (in this case it's called the WIZ, believe it or not.) He take his crew to an unfriendly planet and gets them embroiled with a robot controlled society. They push a button and destroy the robot. If only people from eons of civilization had decided to push that button. The acting is horrible. I kept trying to recognize the voice of the commander (dubbed, of course), and I realized it sounded like Clayton Moore, the guy who played the Lone Ranger. I know it's not him, but it has that same nasal quality. I did get a kick out of the guys with funny red suits with the little caps. They look like they were created by some sixties fashion designers. It drags and drones on for an hour and a half. There isn't much that happens that is memorable.

In a future where all decisions are made by a giant supercomputer called "The WIZ" (I kid you not) and military men wear weird little miniskirts, renegade space captain Mike Leighton is sent on a routine mission. His ship is attacked by two alien ships. On orders from Earth he lands on the alien's planet which seems at first to be deserted - don't they always? - one by one his crew men are attacked and killed by a mysterious force (actually it's only one crew man - this film is THAT cheap).

The captain and his party are lured into a mysterious cave where they meet the "degenerate" remnants of the former inhabitants. The leader of the natives informs them that that once his people once ruled the planet till the machines they built took over. Leighton agrees to help destroy the machine brain that rules the planet (I'm making this all sound a lot more coherent and structured than it actually is). They return to the ship and consult their on-board computer who tells them the Bad computer will have a destruct button, "probably red" (I wish I was making this up). The captain and another crew member confront the Deep Thought like supercomputer and are instructed by it to replace one of its circuit boards, the only thing stopping it from dominating the galaxy. They do so and spot a red button. They press the red button. The computer explodes. The planet starts to explode (as they do) with the usual stock footage of volcanoes tinted nice reddish colours. The crew make their escape taking with them 2 crew members we know have been attacked and left for dead by the evil supercomputers robot henchthing. Big Mistake! Big mistake! Within minutes one of them is wandering around frothing at the mouth killing people as his face falls off - our hero soon puts a stop to that by jettisoning him into outer space but there is one final twist to come!... and you'll just have to watch the movie to find that out.

I was amazed to discover this film was made as late as 1977. It looks like a 1960 film. It is truly awful. The music is dreadful - almost random. At one point, when we first see the Bad computer, they actually use Bach's Toccatta and fugue in D minor!. The dubbing is hilarious and I guess the dubbed script must have been written by the Italians because the English is so tortured and twisted to make it fit the lip sync that it, at times, makes no sense at all. Even more amazingly when there is no need to lip sync, like when the natives talk to the Captain telepathically or the computers talk, the English is just as bad.

Surrealy Awful