The Rhinemann Exchange

The NBC "Best Sellers" series this time emanates from the pen of Robert Ludlum. And couldn't he churn them out? He wrote the sort of novel that had his name above the title; what he wrote scarcely mattered, so long as it was his.

This miniseries has everything: a starry (mostly 1970s TV) cast, an historical setting, Nazis . . . Nothing made a good miniseries like Nazis. Or so thought Hollywood, who thanks God every day in its bedside prayers for those incredibly useful all-purpose villains. With Nazis they don't have to develop character for villains or dredge up Freudian backstories to explain them. They're Nazis. So they show plenty of swastika flags.

It has nice old-style clothes and cars (though the ladies show an awful lot of skin with their gowns; I'm old, but I'm not that old. Did they really dress like that back then? Well, on blink and you'll miss her Tricia Noble, or almost on, who cares?)

All this miniseries needs is a stronger leading man and a comprehensible story. They have Stephen Collins beat up Lauren Hutton pretty regularly to demonstrate his forcefulness. After a century of Victorian/Edwardian/American mores against hurting the ladies and treating them like glass, the hero laying fists on the heroine was a new thing in the 1970s. Not, I fear, a trend I approved of. But no one would believe Collins beating up a man. And the story?

The Army recruits a polo-playing playboy (Collins) to form a cell of spies that devolves into a plot about a gyroscope. Or diamonds. Or something. I'll confess, both times I've watched this I fell asleep at that point and saw no good purpose in rewinding.

Stephen Collins is a rather weak glue holding this mess together. Elmers, rather than superglue. A little moisture and the whole thing might disintegrate.

Lauren Hutton shows the perils of supermodels (she was an early exemplar of the species) transitioning to acting. And her character is obviously a dope to keep going back to a man with such an uppercut.

For the rest, what does one need to say about Roddy McDowell or Jose Ferrer? They were good, professional actors who came in knowing their lines and collecting their paychecks. They were the sort of actors you could cast the night before knowing you'd get a job well done. Most of the cast is paint-by-numbers. Claude Akins is Claude Akins. What else could he be? One thing you can say about this format, you went in knowing what to expect from the talent they plugged in.

Only Jeremy Kemp shows a spark of life as a fellow good guy. Or is he a bad guy? Kemp's gotten stuck playing his share of Nazis over the years. It's good to see him essay a role that takes a little thought.

If you miss this one you haven't skipped a classic.

If you are looking for an excellent war mini-series, you might want to think twice before you watch "The Rhinemann Exhange". While shows from the era such as "The Winds of War" are classics and must-see films, "The Rhinemann Exchange" is too much like a sexy soap opera to be taken very seriously.

When the film begins, Stephen Collins plays David Spaulding--rich international playboy and polo player whose only other interest is banging his dad's lady (is she his second wife or girlfriend or fiancée--I couldn't tell). However, after the Germans invade Poland (killing the Dad and his lady in the process), suddenly Spaulding is a dedicated patriot and member of Army Intelligence. Much of this first episode is centered on this as well as his assignment in Spain that lasts until 1943--where, once again, Spaulding is doing his job AND making it with one of the local women.

In a weird plot that could only come on TV or in films, the Germans AND Americans both have problems that the other side could solve. The Germans need industrial diamonds for their rocket program (which the Americans have) and the Americans need a better gyroscope for their bombers (which the Germans have). So, some evil industrialists and schemers come up with an insane option--to trade the two things and, thus, prolong the war. It's clearly a paranoid plot about the military industrial complex and although very far-fetched, it is interesting.

The rest of the film consists of two huge plots--Spaulding getting it on with yet another lady (Lauren Hutton) and his unknowing involvement with this international conspiracy. During much of the film, Spaulding is being chased by all sorts of folks trying to kill him--and he's not 100% sure who these people are but he suspects they are Gestapo.

So why does the film earn a modest score of 6? Well, although the plot is original and interesting, too much of the film is spent with Spaulding and his incredibly strong libido. While Collins clearly is a handsome guy and I am pretty sure he had tons of women chasing him over the years, this cannot be the basis for a WWII action film! My feeling is that the mini-series would have been best as a soap opera OR WWII film--not both.

Yes, the consensus is that this movie is not very good. It's OK. A passable time filler with not very good acting by the leads - not that they had much to work with. 'Bad' acting in a TV movie doesn't have to put any picture out of court on the entertainment scale, witness another Ludlam TV adaptation: the Bourne Identity with Richard Chamberlain from 1988. Great script, vivid location filming and coherent plot line make for an entertaining watch. But back to this.

A disappointment despite guest stars of which only Jose Ferrer's brief role shows acting chops that can a turn bad dialogue into something memorable. Still, if you like a WW2 period piece with 1970's era fashions you might get into it. The cars are great.