Walter Matthau credited as playing...
Coach Morris Buttermaker
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Those boys aren't very rough. You won't get hurt.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: That's got nothing to do with it. I'm almost 12 and I'll... I'll be getting a bra soon.
- [Buttermaker stares. Amanda looks at her chest]
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Well, maybe in a year or so. I can't be playing all dumb baseball.
- Engelberg: You're not supposed to have open liquor in the car. It's against the law.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: So is murder, Engleberg. Now put that back before you get me in real trouble.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Listen, Lupus, you didn't come into this life just to sit around on a dugout bench, did ya? Now get your ass out there and do the best you can.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [looks at Tanner's black eye] What the hell happened to you, Tanner?
- Engelberg: Tanner got into a fight
- [because of the first game loss]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Who with?
- Engelberg: The 7th Grade.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What?
- Engelberg: [shouts] The 7th Grade.
- Engelberg: [helping Buttermaker clean pools] When we're through, can we go swimming?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: No! Don't jump in Engleberg, you'll flood the valley.
- [after the Bears lose 18-0]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Come on, fellas. Rome wasn't built in a day.
- Ogilvie: Yeah, it took several hundred years.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What if he tries something?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: I'll handle it.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Rolling Stones, 11 years old.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: I know an 11-year-old girl who is already on the pill.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Don't ever say that word again.
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Jesus! Just who in the heck you think you are?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: The goddamned manager, that's who!
- Amanda Whurlitzer: Big wow!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Jumping catfish! What a great arm! Who is that kid, anyway?
- Toby Whitewood: Of course he's got a great arm, Buttermaker. He's the best athlete in the area. But you don't understand, that's Kelly Leak.
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: You guys talking about Kelly Leak?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Yeah.
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: That dude is a bad mother. You talk about a loan shark. I borrowed a nickel from him last week. He said if I didn't give him a dime by Friday, he'd break my arm.
- Miguel Agilar: Es un bandido.
- Jimmy Feldman: [team riding in Buttermaker's car to practice] If you were so great, how come you never made it to the major leagues?
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Contract disputes.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [trying to console Ahmad after his errors in the first loss] There was nothing easy about those fly balls, Ahmad. They were tough chances! The sun was in your eyes!
- Ahmad Abdul Rahim: Don't give me none of your honky bullshit, Buttermaker. I know they were easy.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Let's not bring race into this, Ahmad. We got enough problems as it is.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Hey, can't you hold off of that until after practice?
- Engelberg: There's energy in chocolate. I need energy.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What's the matter with you? All season long you've been laughed at, crapped on. Now, you've got a chance to spit it back in their faces and what do you do? You're out there like a bunch of dead fish, not listening, bonehead plays, mistakes! I mean, don't you want to beat those bastards!
- [Long pause - Bears stare in silence back at Butterworth]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Alright, get out there now and - do the best you can.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [handing out cups and supporters to the boys] There is one thing I forgot to tell you guys. It's a league rule: cups and supporters.
- [everyone complains]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Gotta be worn at all times.
- [more complaints]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Either you wear 'em or you don't wear 'em and you don't play.
- Jose Agilar: ¡Yo no me voy a poner esto! ¡Esto duele!
- [Throws his back in the box]
- Jose Agilar: ["I'm not going to wear this! It hurts!"]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: What? What are you saying?
- Ogilvie: I've been brushing up on my Spanish of late, and I think he is saying something about, you know, his being Catholic, and it's a sin.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Oh, for Christ's sake.
- [hands it back to Jose]
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [at batting practice] Hey, Ahmad - even Hank Aaron peels the ol' eyelids before he takes a swing!
- P.A. Announcer: [announcing Mets batter] Carl Paranski, Number 6...
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [yelling to Bears fielders] The cool Carl Paranski shift!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Well, your mother and I didn't got along too well, Amanda. I liked her very much, though. I still do. As a matter of fact I'm just not the marrying kind. But I guess I handled it badly, huh?
- Amanda Whurlitzer: You handled it like shit!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: Now get back to the stands before I shave off half your mustache and shove it up your left nostril.
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [leading team chant] A busted bat and a long fly ball...
- Bad News Bears: Any day now, Durocher will call!
- Coach Morris Buttermaker: [after team takes vote to quit the league] Do you want to quit, Tanner?
- Tanner Boyle: Crud, No! I want to play ball!