- Dean Nazarin: Non-swimmers should never leap bare-assed into the sea of love. My dear, the sea of love is full of squid!
- Paxton Quigley: It's medically impossible to kill anyone this way.
- [In reference to the three girl's attic activities]
- Paxton Quigley: Go with me, Paxton Quigley, and I'll take you on a tour round the groovy little sub-culture of today's female
- Mr. Clinton: May I ask you something, Mr. Quigley? Why the hell aren't you in that bedroom, defending my daughter against my wife?
- Paxton Quigley: Well, you know, she's not a little girl any more. I mean, she doesn't need that kind of help.
- Mr. Clinton: Understand, my daughter may sleep with anybody she cares to, as long as he's ... a man.
- Janet Sarah Weingarten: My id does not realize that I am the product of a conservative lox and bagel upbringing.
- Paxton Quigley: Women are always a mystery, but you don't solve any part of that mystery by going to bed with them. Because in bed, they can really confuse you.