Kenneth Williams credited as playing...
Dr. Orlando Watt
- Detective Sgt. Sidney Bung: A young lady has disappeared and we're anxious to trace her whereabouts.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Oh? Whereabouts?
- Detective Sgt. Sidney Bung: Hereabouts.
- Albert Potter: At ten o'clock.
- Detective Sgt. Sidney Bung: Or thereabouts.
- Constable Slobotham: In this vicinity.
- Detective Sgt. Sidney Bung: Or roundabouts.
- Constable Slobotham: We're police officers.
- Albert Potter: Or layabouts.
- Detective Sgt. Sidney Bung: Now then, your name please.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Doctor Watt.
- Constable Slobotham: Doctor who, sir?
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Watt. "Who" was my uncle, or was - I haven't seen him in ages!.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Oh this is awful, I wish I was dead.
- Valeria Watt: But Orlando, you are dead.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: So I am, what a life.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Oddbodd, what happened to your ear?
- [Oddbodd makes a gesture that his ear has dropped off]
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Oh, never mind. Ear today, gone tomorrow!
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [on being told Oddbod's finger is missing] I hope he didn't leave it anywhere embarassing! That's the trouble with my regeneration process, it makes everything so brittle. You never know what's going to drop off next.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: What time is it?
- Valeria Watt: [looking at her wristwatch] Just past December.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: I told you not to wake me up 'til the beginning of March!
- Valeria Watt: Why don't we do what they did to your friend Dracula, drive a spike through his heart?
- Dr. Orlando Watt: No, I don't really feel like driving tonight.
- Valeria Watt: [as a female body, which has undergone vitrification, is lying in a crate, with the lid ready to be put on it] Like this, she'll stay young and beautiful forever.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: Yes. But not half so much fun.
- Valeria Watt: Put a lid on it.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [Valeria slipped some of the prescription that Dr. Jekyll made up into Sgt. Bung's drink, Bung turning into a Mr. Hyde character] Oh, he looks absolutely lovely.
- Valeria Watt: [as Sgt. Bung amorously grabs Valeria] Sidney, Sidney. Sidney, listen to me.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [excited by how beastly Sgt. Bung has become] Oh, I must have a noggin of that meself.
- Valeria Watt: [Sgt. Bung has grabbed her, and won't let go] Stop it, Sidney! Stop it. Sidney!
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [smiling] No, don't stop him, dear. He's supposed to do thoroughly beastly things.
- Valeria Watt: [firmly, trying to control him] Listen to me. I am your *mistress*.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [grinning from ear to ear] Don't say *that*, dear! It'll only make him worse.
- Valeria Watt: [trying to control Sgt. Bung] You must obey my commands. You hear me? You must obey me. All right.
- Valeria Watt: [as Sgt. Bung lets go of her] Now, there's something I want you to do for me.
- Valeria Watt: [as Sgt. Bung grabs her and tries to kiss her] No, not *that*!
- Valeria Watt: Junior has brought one back. We must vitrify her immediately.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [looking at the heavyset body of Emily Bung, on the slab] Is this the best you could do? What am I expected to do with this? It's a load of old rubbish.
- Valeria Watt: I can sell it to Lacey's. They deal exclusively with fittings for the matronly figure.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [disparagingly] Well, they'll have a *fit* when they see this one!
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [enthusiastically as a body is lowered into the boiling vitrification cauldron] Oh, well, here goes... !
- Valeria Watt: [pleading] Oh, please, Orlando. Please, please don't say it.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: [acting innocently] Say what, dear?
- Valeria Watt: [chiding] You know perfectly well what. What you always say at this time. It's in extremely bad taste.
- Dr. Orlando Watt: What is? Oh, you mean: *frying tonight*.
- Valeria Watt: [wincing] Ooh.