- [first lines]
- Prof. Sonya Roberts: And so we see the male becomes the most romantic between the ages of 17 and 19.
- Todd Armstrong: [sound of chalk on a chalkboard] It sounds like my mating call.
- Craig Gamble: Mine's much noisier.
- Prof. Sonya Roberts: While the female doesn't reach her romantic peak until her 35th year. This, as we can well imagine, presents certain social problems for the college male. Such as extreme anxiety, frustration, tension.
- Craig Gamble: The food, water, and climate must be terrific in Rome. Just look at that great shape that 35 year old sex pot's in. Man, she doesn't look a day over 19.
- Nita Elksberg: In Sweden it's very different. In Stockholm, when de boy and girl meet and they like each other, no games and very little talk.
- Todd Armstrong: The last time, Linda and I took a walk and left you and Barbara in the car.
- Craig Gamble: Are you sure?
- Todd Armstrong: Positive! Don't you remember? When you tried to kiss her she burnt your nose with her cigarette?
- Craig Gamble: Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
- Todd Armstrong: I've finally done it for us?
- Craig Gamble: What? What? What? What?
- Todd Armstrong: Two dates in a row with the same girls.
- Craig Gamble: Oh, not those two beatniks we met at the 'Ban the Bomb' meeting?
- Linda Hughes: Looks like I've got to teach you about men, Nora.
- Craig Gamble: [disguised in drag] Men? Ha! I know all about men. My governance told me years ago the birds and the bees. The bees jump on the flowers and get their feet all sticky. Then, they go to another flower and get them even stickier! Doesn't sound like very much fun. Although, I would like to get married someday if the right bee - eh, boy - should come along.
- Todd Armstrong: Now, that's the way to learn how to ski. Nice and easy and slow.
- Craig Gamble: Yeah. Yeah, it's too bad we're not girls.
- Lesley Gore: [singing] Sunshine, lollipops and rainbows, Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together, Brighter than a lucky penny, When you're near the rain just disappears...
- Todd Armstrong: I don't understand. Why don't you let me kiss you?
- Linda Hughes: I don't know. I - I just don't feel like it.
- Todd Armstrong: But, why? I mean look, I'm a nice, clean-cut, American boy with a C+ average.
- Linda Hughes: Look, I don't know why. With you I just don't feel it.
- Todd Armstrong: And I'll never cheat in exams again. And when I grow up, I promise never to make a long distance phone call and charge it to a wrong number.
- Todd Armstrong: [singing] When I touch you, Baby do you like it? When I kiss you, Baby do you like it? Well, if you like the things I do, Then I've got news for you, Cause there's lots, lots more, Where that came from...
- Indian: What happened?
- Barbara Norris: Well, first of all he locked all the car doors and then he tried to tie my arms behind my back with my hair ribbon.
- [laughs]
- Barbara Norris: So, I fixed him. I let him kiss me.
- Linda Hughes: That's getting even?
- Barbara Norris: I had a cigarette in my mouth at the time.
- [laughs]
- James Brown: We found them out. You better put him over there by the fire.
- Barbara Norris: It's Mr. Pevney!
- James Brown: Darn! We thought it was the Abominable Snow Girl.
- Mr. Pevney: It's happened. Look! It's happened. Look, do you see? It's a - Mama's wish has come true. I'm a - I'm a girl. I'm a - I'm a girl! I'm a girl!
- Linda Hughes: Say are you really the ski patrol?
- James Brown: You were expecting, maybe, Rock Hudson?
- Barbara Norris: Oh, I know who you really are. You're James Brown and the Flames. I have all your records!
- James Brown: Shh! Don't tell my mother. She still thinks I'm in the Army.
- Linda Hughes: You're gonna sing for us aren't you?
- Barbara Norris: Sure! Come on!
- James Brown: Out of sight!
- [singing]
- James Brown: Ow! I feel good! I knew that I would now, Ow! I feel good! I knew that I would now, So good, So good, I got you! Ow!
- Linda Hughes: You went to all that trouble, just for me? Because, you wanted me that badly?
- Todd Armstrong: I'm a wipeout for redheads, you know that.
- Nita Elksberg: I want you to talk to me and treat me like you do to the American girls.
- Todd Armstrong: The Ameri? Nita, I thought that we were...
- Nita Elksberg: First, first we talk. And then, and then candy. No. And then more talk. Then, we can hold hands. No. Then, you ask for the kiss on the cheek. No. Then, maybe the kiss on the cheek. Then, then? What happens comes next?
- Todd Armstrong: I don't know. That's as far as I ever got.
- Themselves: [singing] There'll be groovy little chicks, With sweaters real tight, Just skiing all day, And having parties at night...
- Craig Gamble: I'm not being funny. He gave me his fraternity pin.
- Todd Armstrong: But, he can't do that. He's a boy and - so are you!
- Craig Gamble: We'll work it out.
- Themselves: [singing] Let's have a ski party, And party tonight, Five feet of snow, What a beautiful sight, There's plenty of chicks...
- Linda Hughes: Well, I know what I did wrong. But, I don't know what you did wrong. What did you do wrong?
- Barbara Norris: Guilt by association.
- Craig Gamble: Freddie thinks I should get a nose job this Spring.
- Todd Armstrong: I may give you one tonight!
- Craig Gamble: I really do like you, Barb, very much.
- Barbara Norris: We'll see.
- Craig Gamble: We'll see? What does that mean?
- Barbara Norris: Well, I don't know. I saw Barbara Stanwyck say it in a movie once and she wound up with Cary Grant.
- Todd Armstrong: It'll give me a good excuse to break his nose when he doesn't.
- Craig Gamble: Oh, great. That'll solve all our problems.
- Craig Gamble: Well, that's what John Wayne would do!
- Todd Armstrong: I don't care what John Wayne would do.
- Craig Gamble: Well, I dig him. We're the same kinda guy.
- Todd Armstrong: All we have to do is find a 35 year old girl, who doesn't yet qualify under Medicare...
- Craig Gamble: Sure! There's lots of those gals around. You just gotta dig a little.
- Todd Armstrong: Well, sure!
- Craig Gamble: In the ground. They're buried everywhere.
- Linda Hughes: [singing] No matter what - what we say, You know they''ll always have their way, We'll never change him, We'll never change him...
- Linda Hughes: Oh, you know, boys are all right. You just have to *watch* them every minute, that's all.
- Nita Elksberg: Todd, you win more than the gold cup, if you win tomorrow, we play the American game: Spin de Bottle.
- Todd Armstrong: Don't you see? Girls are only interested in boys that are interested in *other* girls.
- Craig Gamble: [in drag] Look, all I want to do is learn how to ski so I can get outta costume and spend some time with Barbara. After all, that's why we're here, isn't it? Not to play "Some Like It Hot." Besides, this girdle's killing me.
- Nita Elksberg: You could vin tomorrow, if you wanted to.
- Todd Armstrong: Well, of course I could.
- Nita Elksberg: I like winners.
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