Une fois avant de mourir

It almost defies belief that a movie can be as bad as this one, without it being fun to watch, like any number of Ed Wood films.

Put this DVD on if you have unwanted guests, and watch them exit your house, rushing to depart to save whatever sanity they have left.

A rotten, lousy waste of time.

Failed war film with Ursula Andress and John Derek

When his acting career was no longer going well, John Derek (1926-1998) tried his hand at directing. Not a bad idea in itself, but talent should be there. Filming for the Hollywood major WARNER BROTHERS took place in the Philippines.

In 1941, the Americans stationed in the Philippines are enjoying life: the beautiful Swiss woman Alex (Ursula Andress) is sailing through wild waters in a canoe, her tanned fiancé, Major Bailey (John Derek), is having fun playing polo with his men. Suddenly an air raid by the Japanese and all hell breaks loose! Alex - contrary to her gray-haired lover's urgent orders - doesn't get to safety in Manila in time, but first picks up her sweet puppies. Missed airplane! You can't be that stupid! Now the breathtaking beauty has to fight her way through the jungle with the major's troops, always accompanied by Japanese attacks. Soon there are the first victims: the major also dies when he discovers a cuddly toy for his beloved and clumsily loses his hand grenade. WUMMS! Can that be grasped? From now on it's all about who can land with Alex to become the Major's successor. The men blithely fawn over the beautiful woman, who repeatedly emerges from various rivers with a soaking wet blouse. A well-built captain (Ron Ely from the upcoming TARZAN television series) tries hard. The fanatical, sadistic Lieutenant Custer (really good: Richard Jaeckel) enjoys killing the enemy, but he is a little afraid of the dream woman. However, a shy 22-year-old (one-hit wonder Rod Lauren) wins the jackpot. He confesses to the beautiful Swiss woman that he has never slept with a woman. One more time - before I die! Of course the blonde beauty helps out and fulfills the virgin soldier's deepest desire. During a Japanese tank attack, she gives herself to him in the tall grasses of the Philippines. Oh, that's nice! Dreams come true! Then the inevitable end can come...

You can tell that war slaughter is unpleasantly mixed with erotic kitsch here. Without the involvement of his wife Ursula Andress (their marriage had long since divorced before the film's premiere), John Derek would certainly not have been able to raise the film's budget. But portraying her as a naive sexual object in the chaos of war doesn't seem very credible. John Derek, who completed his military service in the Philippines, can be credited for having an eye for the country and its people. However, the gimmicks with frozen images and crossfades seem too trying and don't fit with the plot. Richard Jaeckel in the role of the nasty bald berserker is really good. Marlon Brando was able to copy a lot of things for his Colonel Kurtz. But this storyline is pushed far too much into the background by the flat waste of Golden Globe winner Ursula Andress as an erotic eye-catcher.

Conclusion: If you enjoy admiring the beautiful Ursula Andress in a confusing war film, you will get your money's worth here. For everyone else, this film has rightly been forgotten.

John Derek has never made a good movie in his life. He's been IN some good ones, but he's never MADE a good one, and there's no better example of his almost complete lack of talent as a filmmaker than this. He takes a potentially interesting story--the guerrilla war waged against the Japanese after their takeover of the Philippines in World War II--and for some reason turns it into a game of who's going to nail Ursula Andress before the Japanese kill everybody. Derek apparently thought that the sight of Andress, his wife (or girlfriend, or whatever she was) at that time, in various stages of undress was enough to draw people into the theaters (it wasn't). Because of that, he obviously paid no attention whatsoever to minor things like having a coherent script, directing the other actors, maintaining a semblance of continuity--trivial matters like that. The only saving grace (professionally, that is) is Richard Jaeckel's performance as a soldier eventually driven insane by the fighting. Jaeckel was always one of the most watchable actors around; he had that cockiness and explosive quality that Cagney had, and no matter how lousy the movie was (like this one), he always pulled it up a couple of notches. Unfortunately, he wouldn't have been able to pull this thing up with a crane. Its infuriating pretentiousness is its main undoing. The dialogue is so Ed Woods-ian in its rambling, nonsensical "what-the-HELL-are-they-talking-about?" absurdity that you finally find yourself wishing that the Japanese would come in, whack everybody and put the cast--and the audience--out of their misery. An absolutely painful experience that makes you wonder, "How in God's name did he get anyone to put up the money to make this thing?" Skip it.

Once Before I Die is far more entertaining than most recent WW2 films such as Steven Spielberg's anaemic "Saving Private Ryan". This film may be the cinematic equivalent of a car crash but I would prefer to see Ursula Andress strolling through battle fields with perfect hair and make-up than watch Matt Damon pollute the screen as a lost soldier. This may also be the first and last war film to contain a "Porkies" style subplot about a soldier trying to lose his virginity.

John Derek is a hugely misunderstood director. Admittedly, he has made some of the most inept films in cinema history but at least he had the decency to fill his movies with large doses of gratuitous nudity and unintentionally hilarious scenarios. His films may be crap but they are rarely boring. Once Before I Die provides John with an opportunity to direct his lovely wife, Ursula Andress. The plot that John chose for his then wife is startling to say the least.

Ursula plays Alex, a Swiss "refugee" stuck in the Philippines during WW2. When the Japanese attack, Alex's soldier boyfriend, Bailey (played by John himself), invites Alex to tag along with his battalion on their way to Manila. Unfortunately, Bailey accidentally drops a grenade while trying to steal Alex a teddy bear and leaves Alex to make a general nuisance of herself during enemy attacks. A major exception to this occurs when Alex makes herself uncharacteristically useful by deflowering a soldier while the rest of the battalion attack a Japanese tank with tree stumps.

The film's storyline is undeniably ridiculous but it does compensate the viewer with surprisingly violent content for a movie made in 1965 and amusing visuals of Ursula prancing through the jungle like a slightly disheveled Bond girl. The combat scenes are reasonably well done but would have been more convincing if John Derek didn't superimpose faded images of Ursula over the action. The most bizarre example of this is the image of Ursula holding a glowing orb, which is superimposed over the opening air attack. The film also offers some beautiful photography and a visually impressive, if utterly confusing finale. The acting is hit and miss, with significantly more misses than hits, but Ursula is rather wonderful as Alex. It takes a special kind of genius to walk through a war zone in riding pants and high heeled boots without coming across as completely demented. Richard Jaeckel also scores points for his fantastically over the top portrayal of Custer, a deluded soldier.

Once Before I Die is a treat for John Derek aficionados and fans of crappy film oddities. You definitely wont see another war movie like this ever again.

There was an interesting tension between Andress as the life force and the fate each of the men met after they became involved with her. Moths to the flame. I wish the film had made more of this theme (and been better in general).