James Mason credited as playing...
Prof. Humbert Humbert
- Humbert Humbert: [in car] You know, I've missed you terribly.
- Lolita Haze: I haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you.
- Humbert Humbert: Oh?
- Lolita Haze: But it doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway.
- Humbert Humbert: What makes you say I've stopped caring for you?
- Lolita Haze: Well, you haven't even kissed me yet, have you?
- [causing Humbert to put his foot down on the accelerator]
- Lolita Haze: Do you always have to shave twice a day?
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, of course, because all the best people shave twice a day.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, it's nothing, but... she had an accident.
- Clare Quilty: Oh gee, she had an accident? That's really terrible, I mean, fancy a fellow's wife having... a normal guy having... his wife having an accident like that. W-what happened to her?
- Humbert Humbert: Er, she was hit by a car.
- Clare Quilty: Gee, no wonder she's not here. Gee, you must feel pretty bad about it. W-w-w-w-when uh eh w-what's happening, is she coming out later or something?
- Humbert Humbert: Well, that was the understanding.
- Clare Quilty: What, in an ambulance? Hahahaha! Gee, I'm sorry, I-I-I-shouldn't say that; I get sorta carried away, you know, being so normal and everything.
- Humbert Humbert: What drives me insane is the twofold nature of this nymphet, of every nymphet perhaps, this mixture in my Lolita of tender, dreamy childishness and a kind of eerie vulgarity. I know it is madness to keep this journal, but it gives me a strange thrill to do so. And only a loving wife could decipher my microscopic script.
- Charlotte Haze: Hum, you just touch me and I... I... I go as limp as a noodle. It scares me.
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, I know the feeling.
- Lolita Haze: Why don't we play a game?
- Humbert Humbert: A game? Come on. No, you get on to room service at once.
- Lolita Haze: No, really. I learned some real good games in camp. One in "particularly" was fun.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, why don't you describe this one in "particularly" good game?
- Lolita Haze: Well, I played it with Charlie.
- Humbert Humbert: Charlie? Who's he?
- Lolita Haze: Charlie? He's that guy you met in the office.
- Humbert Humbert: You mean that boy? You and he?
- Lolita Haze: Yeah. You sure you can't guess what game I'm talking about?
- Humbert Humbert: I'm not a very good guesser.
- Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear and giggles]
- Humbert Humbert: I don't know what game you played.
- Lolita Haze: [whispers in his ear again] You mean you never played that game when you were a kid?
- Humbert Humbert: No.
- Lolita Haze: Alrighty then...
- [first lines]
- Humbert Humbert: Quilty! Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: Ah, wha? Who's there?
- Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: No, I'm... Spartacus. You come to free the slaves or sumpn?
- Humbert Humbert: Are you Quilty?
- Clare Quilty: Yeah, yeah, I'm Quilty, yeah, sure.
- Humbert Humbert: [Referring to Quilty] What happened to this Oriental-minded genius? When you left the hospital, where did he take you?
- Lolita Haze: To New Mexico.
- Humbert Humbert: Whereabouts in New Mexico?
- Lolita Haze: To a dude ranch near Santa Fe. The only problem with it was he had such a bunch of weird friends staying there.
- Humbert Humbert: What kind of "weird" friends?
- Lolita Haze: Weird! Painters, nudists, writers, weightlifters... But I figured I could take anything for a couple of weeks.
- Lolita Haze: Do you really shave twice a day?
- Humbert Humbert: [affronted] The best people shave twice a day!
- Charlotte Haze: Is, um, Madame Humbert, um...
- Humbert Humbert: There's no "Madame". We are divorced...
- Charlotte Haze: Oh...
- Humbert Humbert: *Happily* divorced.
- Charlotte Haze: When did all this happen?
- Humbert Humbert: About a year ago - in Paris.
- Charlotte Haze: Oh, Paris, France, madame... You know, monsieur, I really believe that it's only in the Romance Languages that one is able to really relate in a mature fashion. In fact I remember when the late Mr. Haze and I... when we were on our honeymoon abroad, I knew that I'd never felt married until I'd heard myself addressed as "Senora".
- Humbert Humbert: So you were in Spain?
- Charlotte Haze: No, Mexico!
- Humbert Humbert: Oh, Mexico, mm-hmm!
- Humbert Humbert: Read it.
- Clare Quilty: I can't read, mister. I never did none of that there book learning, you know.
- Humbert Humbert: Read it, Quilty.
- Clare Quilty: "Because you took advantage of a sinner." "Because you took advantage." "Because you took." "Because you took advantage of my disadvantage." Hey, that's a dad-blasted, darn good poem you done there. "When I stood Adam-naked." Oh! Adam-naked! You should be ashamed of yourself, Captain. "Before a federal law and all its stinging stars." Tarnation! You old horn toad. That's mighty pretty. That's a pretty poem. "Because you took advantage." It's getting a bit repetitious, isn't it? "Because." Another one. "Because you cheated me." "Because you took her at an age when young lads - "
- Humbert Humbert: That's enough.
- Clare Quilty: Say, why'd you take it away for, Mister? That was gettin' kinda smutty there.
- Humbert Humbert: Would you like me to read you some poetry?
- Lolita Haze: Sure, why not?
- Humbert Humbert: This is my favorite poet. "It was..."
- Lolita Haze: Who's the poet?
- Humbert Humbert: The divine Edgar.
- Lolita Haze: Who's the divine Edgar. Edgar who?
- Humbert Humbert: Edgar Allan Poe, of course. "It was night in the lonesome October, Of my most immemorial year." Notice how he emphasizes this word. "It was hard by the dim lake of Auber, In the misty mid region of Weir" You see, he takes a word like "dim" in one line and twists it. You see? And it comes back as "mid region of Weir."
- Lolita Haze: "Mid region," and twists it to "dim." That's pretty good, pretty clever.
- Humbert Humbert: "Thus I pacified Psyche and kissed her, And conquered her scruples and gloom, And we passed to the end of the vista, But were stopped by the door of a tomb, And I said, 'What is written, sweet sister?' She replied, 'Ulalume, Ulalume."'
- Lolita Haze: Well, I think it's a little corny, to tell you the truth.
- Humbert Humbert: What do you object to?
- Lolita Haze: Well, the "vista-sister," that's like, "Lolita-sweeter."
- Humbert Humbert: That's very true. That's a very acute observation. If you were in my class I would give you an A plus.
- Lolita Haze: You're crazy.
- Humbert Humbert: Why, my darling?
- Lolita Haze: Because, my darling, when my darling mother finds out she's going to divorce you and strangle me.
- Lolita Haze: What happened to your bed? It looks a lot lower.
- Humbert Humbert: Well, the bed collapsed. It's a collapsible bed.
- Lolita Haze: You will promise, won't you?
- Humbert Humbert: Yes, I promise.
- Lolita Haze: Cross your heart and hope to die?
- Humbert Humbert: Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die. Cross my heart and hope to die.