Sail a Crooked Ship

I couldn't believe Maltin gave this film only 2 1/2 stars. With this cast? Then I saw the movie (on TCM). Maltin was being generous. Two stars, tops. Robert Wagner showed why comedy was not his forte. The character of his girlfriend (played by Dolores Hart) was perhaps the most annoying ever in a comedy. Frankie Avalon showed why he belonged in the Beach Blanket movies, not here. His steering bit during the hurricane was funny at first, but they beat it to death. While I'm a big fan of Ernie Kovacs, he was flat here. And the fabulous Frank Gorshin was wasted. At least Carolyn Jones was as sexy as always. Ignore who's in the cast and lower your expectations and you may manage to be mildly amused.

I saw this film once 36 years ago when I was 8 years old. I remember watching it and seemingly laughing all the way through it at the antics of these crazy guys who steal a ship and sail it to America to rob a bank. They have a plan to distract the bank staff by one of them collapsing with a make believe heart attack, leaving the other members of the gang to make good with the cash. Unfortunately the day they arrive in America is a bank holiday (and apparently the only day they can pull off the robbery. The rest of the details are bit hazy, but the thing is this film made such an impression on me that 36 years later I can still recall watching it and laughing until I was nearly sick. I would dearly love to see it again, even at the risk of bitter dissapointment.

. This is a side splitting laugh fest. Probably the best thing Kovaks ever did. And it was smart too. Even subtle in places. And Delores Hart ( a cross between Sue Lyon and Grace Kelly) sent me rocketing into puberty. And then, she went and became a catholic nun. What a bring down.

But HEY ! Robert Wagner was in this little gem. And I understand he currently has a gig with the IMDb. Maybe he can bear some influence, . . . and GET THIS THING ON TAPE SO WE CAN ALL SEE IT AGAIN.

Oh yeah. The first funniest film: . . . His Girl Friday. .

Burglar Ernie Kovacs is robbing an employment place that hires men for construction or in this case destruction jobs and he answers a phone call from Robert Wagner. Wagner has a job for these guys to start demolishing a fleet of beat up old freighters from the World War II era merchant marine. Kovacs however hears the idea and comes up with a plan to steal one of these old tubs and he assembles a group of his peers to help. In the process they kidnap Wagner and his sweetheart Dolores Hart.

Along for the ride with Kovacs and the gang are his long suffering girl friend Carolyn Jones and his nephew Frankie Avalon. Avalon was at the height of his popularity and his presence guaranteed a profit for the film from the teenage trade alone. He sings a nice song in the film Opposites Attract more in Bobby Darin's style than his own.

Assembled for the caper are such scene stealing characters as Jesse White, Sid Tomack, Harvey Lembeck, and Frank Gorshin. Mix this group together with Kovacs and Jones and you got a pretty funny film.

Before her days as Morticia Adams when a French syllable would drive Gomez into heat, Carolyn Jones was a pretty funny woman, kookie and funny in a Shirley MacLaine way. Her and Kovacs have what's best described as a Nathan Detroit-Adelaide long suffering romance as she can't quite get him to the altar.

Sail A Crooked Ship was the last film for both Ernie Kovacs and Sid Tomack, both would leave us all too soon shortly after this film was finished. Especially Kovacs, his comic genius influenced a whole generation of comedians, the long running Laugh-in Show of Rowan and Martin should have been dedicated to him.

Dolores Hart two years after this film left Hollywood for a different reason. Her work on the film right before Sail A Crooked Ship, Francis of Assisi started her thinking about religion and she became a nun. As of this writing she's prioress of a convent in Connecticut.

It's a pretty funny film, the idea is that the gang sail the ship to Boston Harbor from the Hudson where it is docked and rob a bank there and make the getaway by sea. How many bank robbers make a sea getaway? Of course much happens along the way and things work out a bit differently than as planned.

Funniest moment, the ship steering Frankie Avalon during the hurricane as he yells for Robert Wagner, the only real seaman aboard. Worth seeing it for that alone.

Seafaring young Robert Wagner (as Gilbert Barrows) wants to impress pretty blonde Dolores Hart (as Elinor Harrison); so, he innocently takes her on a cruise with a gang of bank robbers, led by disearnest Ernie Kovacs (as Bugsy "The Captain" Foglemeyer). Mr. Wagner thinks Mr. Kovacs and crew are experienced sailors; but, they prove to be the gang that couldn't sail straight. Ms. Hart and curvy bad-girl Carolyn Jones (as Virginia) get tipsy. Frankie Avalon (as Rodney) swings, sings, and twirls. Frank Gorshin, Jesse White, Harvey Lembeck, and Sid Tomack are all aboard.

Kovacs is good (unexpectedly and unfortunately, this was his last screen appearance). Some of the others in the cast are curiously ordinary. A hurricane gets the cast wet. Mr. Avalon is fairly successful, focusing on light comedy; he was, at time, successfully transitioning to a movie career. On the other hand, Avalon's singing of "Opposites Attract" reveals his less successful foray into the swingin' Sinatra arena. The song, and a version of the "Sail a Crooked Ship" title were non-hit tracks on an Avalon LP. The film's comic highlight may be Wagner's use of Hart's bra as a slingshot. It's that funny.

**** Sail a Crooked Ship (1961) Irving Brecher ~ Robert Wagner, Ernie Kovacs, Frankie Avalon