The Beast of Yucca Flats

There is something very Zen-like about "Beast of Yucca Flats". The vast lingering views of the desert Southwest. The odd disconnected dialogue that sounds completely disembodied. The haiku like narration.

It is in the spirit of Coleman Francis' narration that I now give impressions of the film: A clock ticks. A beautiful girl. A hidden killer. The clock stops. There is no connection.

The vast desert. A plane lands. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist. Joseph Javorski, who looks like he could eat whole pigs, has the fate of the world in his briefcase. The Kremlin's best make him a target. The wheels of progress grind on.

A chase. Bullets. Murder. Flag on the Moon...how did it get there? A bomb. More progress. Touch a button, something happens. A scientist becomes a beast.

Figures in a landscape. Who knows how long we really have? Joe and Jim, desert patrolman. They guard freedom and democracy 24/7 in this landscape. A beast is on the loose. Joseph Javorski, once a noted scientist, now...nothing.

There is no progress in the desert. Yet its effects are everywhere. Man's progress. Quench the killer's thirst. A family stops for a rest. The beast appears. A terrible mistake. Policemen with quick guns and the minds of swine. An innocent man dies. Who cares? Two boys feed soda pop to thirsty pigs. It's progress, you know.

Confrontation. A fight that is not a fight. A gun with no bullets fires. Joseph Javorski, noted scientist, becomes rabbit food. The wheels of progress grind on. End.

The viewer's mind becomes nothing. What have we seen? Who believes in flying saucers? Coleman Francis. The name lingers on. The lonely cry of desert winds. I love the movies.

This Coleman Francis gem is now infamous for its horrible acting, editing, erm, pretty much horrible in every way. A defecting nuclear scientist is being chased by the Reds into the desert, where a nuclear test just happens to be taking place. The scientist (played by Tor Johnston, from other cinematic gems such as The Unearthly and The Atomic Brain) is made into a hideous monster by the radiation from the nuclear blast, and he roams the Arizona desert looking for victims to strangle.

I think the thing I find the most annoying about The Beast of Yucca Flats is the endless prattling by the narrator, who says inane things such as "Push a button, something happens", etc. Huh??? This movie has even more narration than The Creeping Terror. Don't even attempt to watch this movie except maybe the MST3K version. Joel and the bots can ease your pain through it.

I don't know what it is, but I find this stupifying excuse for a movie almost hypnotic in its sheer badness. I am starting to think it is so bad that it's perhaps the greatest movie ever made! Should I give it a 1 or 10? It's horrible, but not horrible like 'Manos', 'Wild World of Batwoman' or 'Stroker Ace'. Those are completely unwatchable movies. 'Beast' stands up to frequent repeated viewings (much like 'Plan 9'). I have to say that being a BIG Tor Johnson fan may have something to do with it, but I don't feel the same way about 'The Unearthly' & Tor utters perhaps the most memorable line in film history in that one.

Perhaps it's the magical touch of Coleman Francis. This is his 'Kane' & it shows frame by frame. The non-sensical narration, the stellar casting, the existence of the first scene in the movie (why??), the sparse landscape, the light aircraft...

All I know is, I just can't get enough of this movie. Good thing Englewood Entertainment has seen fit to release the film on DVD, although I will also keep the copy Conrad Brooks gave me a few years ago why blowing through town showing Plan 9. I only wish Englewood had released it in 'Letterbox' format with director's commentary & a documentary of the making of 'Beast'. Yes, I know Coleman's dead, but somebody somewhere had to be asking Mr. Francis WHY at the time & got it down on film or tape. At the least, I think Conrad is still around to lend some clues.

I feel an idea for a book coming on, but what I'm trying to convey with this overlong comment is that there is excellence and there is amateurish bafoonery, but with the case of this film, the distinction in my brain has been blurred. Perhaps the rating system is not a straight line, but a circle. And '0' & '10' are the same.

By the way, I love the treatment MST3K gave this stinker (along with the rest of the Coleman Francis trilogy), but even that deadens the effect. Watch that one if you must, but for the full effect buy the DVD/VHS of the standard release & watch it. Not once, but about 12 times will do it. Then you will know what I'm talking about. Judging by some of the '10' ratings out there, I may not be alone in this opinion.

I had no idea when I started watching this movie what it was about but I was very well surprised by the extremely low quality of the movie.

It consists of no on screen dialog, a speaker-voice reads an pretensious load of crap as Tor Johnson staggers around as a confused Russian scientist harmed by a nuclear-test. Even if someone for some bizarre reason would WANT to make such an insane movie they would not have been able to come up with something like this.

Only a truly deranged mind could make such a movie. A genius in its own world of badness, competing with brilliant filmmakers like Ed Wood and others but Coleman Francis outnumbers them all!!

Tor Johnson the famed Swedish Angel wrestler and member in good standing of the Ed Wood stock company stars as The Beast Of Yucca Flats. Tor wasn't always a beast, in fact he was a respected defecting Russian nuclear scientist whom the KGB tracked down to the Yucca Flats testing site. The Russians and the FBI shoot it out over possession of Tor, but a nuclear blast settles the issue.

It leaves the FBI and the Russians quite dead, but all Tor has is a nasty skin rash and a nastier disposition. He's now The Beast of Yucca Flats and the rest of the film involves law enforcement tracking him down after he commits a few murders. There's also a couple of stray kids lost on the desert and a suspenseful race to get them before The Beast Of Yucca Flats does.

I just saw another terrible science fiction flick in which the same voice-over technique was used masking the performances of the cast who I'm sure were giving Oscar quality performances. Probably just as well we didn't hear too much banal dialog, but the voice-over wasn't any better.

As for the cinematography most amateur film makers have done better with an old Belle&Howell.

I just finished reading a biography of Bela Lugosi in which Tor Johnson is described as a big, lovable, pussycat of a man. I feel kind of bad for him. His best work might well be in Mighty Joe Young where he was one of the wrestlers challenging the large simian in that tug of war. As for The Beast Of Yucca Flats, no Ed Wood product has anything on this film.